Fiona’s moral compass is off this week, and she sleeps with a married crush from her high school days. He's played by Taylor Kinney from The Vampire Diaries (Uncle Mason), so we can't really blame her. Even Lady Gaga had to get a piece of that action. However, that is the ONLY time you will see us excusing adultery. It's not like Fiona has any role models at all. Fiona also finds a purse left on the train with five hundred bucks in it. Because the purse is designer and real, Fiona assumes that it belongs to a rich woman and decides to keep the money and spend it. Then Fiona finds out that the woman who owned the purse is poor, with children, and from Fiona’s neighborhood. Fiona busts her butt at work and makes the money back so that she can return it to the woman. When she tries, the woman accuses her of stealing it in the first place and the two get into a fight. Fiona walks away, her attempt at being nice ruined. She then calls Steve, just to say hi. We see him, in paradise, getting a blow job. So sad.
Frank gets Butterface to agree to marry him so that he can get her pension money when she dies. When she is in the shower, Frank intercepts a call from the hospital offering her a heart and tells the hospital that she has passed away. When Butterface hears that there was a heart she missed, she offers Frank money to sleep with her so that she will die. Any redeeming quality Frank ever had is negated by this storyline, and we are surprised the show had him do anything as horrible as killing Dottie. This makes sleeping with his son’s girlfriend and surrogate daughter seem like nothing.
Debbie becomes obsessed with death, Kevin thinks about buying the bar even though Veronica doesn’t think he can handle it, Lip meets with a soldier to get information for Ian about West Point, and Jody asks Karen to marry him. Poor Lip. Overall, this week was a little sad, but still funny. We’re glad that we finally saw Steve and we hope he’s back in Fiona’s life soon. The plot with Fiona’s high school crush was funny, mostly because he ended up being so comically bad at sex. We think Fiona learned her lesson.
Episode grade: B
Being Human - Do You Really Want to Hurt Me?
Nora, transformed into a werewolf, kills Heggeman, much to Leeard’s joy, because she’s been hating Heggeman for a while. Daughter turns out to be named Suren. Lame. We had hoped her name would just be Daughter. Aiden digs her up from her grave and she is one ugly puppy for a few hours. Aidan feeds Suren willing people until she regains her strength and her looks. And hey! Look! It’s Sierra from Dollhouse. Nice. We think she’s pretty cool-looking. Aidan suggests that they get a vampire police officer to assist them, but Suren takes a human police officer named Cecelia off the street. Believing that one of their own sires, rather than one of Bishop’s would be more loyal, Suren asks Aidan to turn Cecilia, fully knowing that Aidan is trying not to eat humans. He refuses and Suren turns Cecilia.
Sally’s plot was the weirdest this week. She didn’t like the experience of sleeping while dead, because of the nightmare she had. She has Stevie and his friends Dylan and Boner over to the house. The best line of the episode was when someone said that a ghost hadn’t moved on because he hadn’t seen Scarface. Ha. You know Ern hasn’t seen Scarface? Now that Nora is a werewolf, she can see Sally. Josh tries to get Nora to live normally and forget about her miscarriage and lycanthropy. The two go to a first-year med student mixer, where Nora gets drunk and almost spills all her bad news to the partygoers. Josh decides to drop out of medical school and look for a cure for lycanthropy. Yeah…good luck with that. We feel so bad for Nora, but we like seeing Josh trying to take care of her and make little jokes. It’s endearing.
Sally and her ghost boys go to a party where Sally finds out that ghosts can possess living people’s bodies if those people are either willing or not in their right minds. The young people at the party were drinking, so they were ripe for possession. After a few botched attempts, Sally is able to possess a girl and heads right to the snack table. That’s the first thing we would do too, girl. Sally is happy that she is able to feel and taste, until Dylan pretty much tries to rape her right in the middle of the party. Stevie pulls both Sally and Dylan out of the bodies in order to help Sally, and then Stevie annihilates Dylan. That’s the best word for it, really. Stevie permanently destroys Dylan, causing him to disintegrate. Sally is upset and afraid that ghosts can destroy each other. Nora tells Sally that it’s better to know what you are capable of and it is revealed that she remembers killing Heggeman.
Episode grade: B+
Justified - Cut Ties
This wasn’t the best episode of this show, but it wasn’t bad either. Raylan and a Marshall he used to know, played by Carla Gugino, spent the episode trying to protect someone in the witness protection program. Art steps out from behind his desk to help. It was pretty cool to see Art out and about. We generally don’t like him because of how he hates Raylan, but he was competent and charismatic in this episode. There was a little mystery as to who got one witness killed in the first place and it was fun to see that unravel.
Raylan realizes that Boyd wanted to go to prison so he starts trying to get Boyd out by recanting his statement about the fight. Through hard work, Boyd is able to get alone with Dickie so that he can threaten him and find out the location of all the Bennett money. Dickie reveals that Mags gave all her money to Limehouse, a mob guy/crime lord in Harlan County. Yep, that’s gonna be important later. This episode was filler, but Justified filler is still pretty entertaining. Everything we’ve written about this show has been really short because all we ever want to say is, “Good dialogue.”
Episode grade: B-
Gossip Girl - The Father and the Bride
It’s time for this wedding already. All this lead-up is driving us crazy. They’ve been talking about this Blair wedding forever. We need to see her in the dress, see the ceremony, and then have her take off with Chuck or something. If the wedding actually goes through to the “I do’s,” we will be surprised, but we won’t be pleased. This week was the bachelorette party and Beatrice conspired to get Blair really drunk so that Blair would say something that Beatrice could use to stop the wedding. Beatrice was scheming with her cousin, the priest. A priest scheming to get a young girl really drunk just sounds wrong. Beatrice has a change of heart though, and the priest is forced to choose Louis’ mother as his new partner in his “stop the wedding” conspiracy. All this would be intense if anyone really wanted this wedding to happen anyway. Hilariously, Blair’s bachelorette party ends in her brief arrest for having a doobie in her mouth. That scene was great work from Meester, who really can be funny given the right material.
Nate, Serena, and Gossip Girl get together to find out that Trip was the one responsible for the car accident. Trip was just trying to ruin Nate’s night. He didn’t actually want to kill or seriously injure anyone. But Trip’s life is over now and we don’t care. The only time we even remember that guy is when the show brings him up. We’re not even sure if his name is spelled with one or two “p’s” and we’re not going to look it up. Serena still has feelings for Dan and asks him to keep up their fake relationship, for Blair’s sake, even though Blair told Serena that they could stop pretending. Dan wrote Louis’ vows for him, and Blair saw them and thought that Louis really understood her or something. This made her more sure of her decision to marry Louis. Good grief. What a circus. But we are really like the plotline where Serena is trying to win Dan back just as he’s trying to ditch her in order to help his writing career.
Episode grade: B-
Parks and Recreation - Bowling for Votes
Ben and Leslie hold a focus group where one man doesn’t like Leslie, because she doesn’t seem like someone he would like to bowl with. Leslie freaks out, invites this man (anonymously) to a bowling party soon after and proceeds to try to win him over. It doesn’t work, because this man is obviously a douche. He calls Leslie a bitch and Ben punches him. In a press conference, Leslie stands by Ben and this causes the people in her next focus group to like Leslie a lot.
Meanwhile, April, Chris, Andy, Jerry, Donna, and Ron try to raise funds for the campaign. Chris and Jerry make it into a competition which April is determined to win so that she can ruin Chris’ happiness. April shows Chris kindness after Millie dumps him. It’s so funny to see April try to be sweet. We are kind of feeling Chris and Ann again. Anyone else? This episode was cute and funny, as usual. Both plots worked for us and were equally funny.
Episode grade: A