Mess is right. Beautiful? We don’t see it. We were actually a little stressed-out for the characters this week, even though it was the funniest episode of the season so far. Karma hit Fiona in the face like a chocolate milkshake when Craig’s wife, Lucy Jo, shows up at the Gallagher house looking for revenge. Lucy Jo tries to get her beat down on and Fiona has to flee from the Gallaghers' to Sheila’s house or risk being hit with a baseball bat for sleeping with Lucy Jo’s husband. We love Fiona, but we also love Lucy Jo. That is just the perfect reaction for when a woman bangs your husband. Lucy Jo for president. How did Lucy Jo find out? Craig told her, because “he’s a pussy.” Fiona’s friends and family tell her that she “always picks pussies.” Angry Fiona texts Craig that he’s a pussy and sends him other charming messages trying to get him to call off his wife.
Lucy Jo continues to wreak hilarious havoc over the course of a few days. She beans Fiona with a milkshake and paints a lewd statement on the Gallagher door. She also has her children stand on the side of the road under a banner that says, “Fiona Gallagher Had Sex With Our Daddy.” In the end, Fiona breaks down. The stress is getting to her and she is only wasting her time with these guys to get over Steve anyway. She keeps calling Steve and getting his voicemail. Jasmine is still trying to lead Fiona down a bad path of sugar daddies and Fiona almost hooks up with Adam, a guy who looks kind of like Steve. In the end, Lucy Jo and Craig show up on the advice of their priest to get Fiona’s forgiveness. It is a painfully awkward, hilarious scene. Fiona escapes to the bathroom and cries. Dirty slut or not, we feel bad for her and we hope Steve gets his tail back to town by next week.
It’s a bad week for both Gallagher women. Debbie breaks out in a stress rash and smashes Barbies to deal with her chaotic life as a 4th-grader running a daycare. Fiona tries to get Debbie to relax by having Debbie throw a slumber party. But this is even more stressful than nothing, because Debbie has no friends. Debbie has to bribe Simon, a nerdy kid from the library who has a crush on Debbie, to introduce her to the popular girl, Holly. Holly is 15, mean, in fourth grade, and gorgeous in a skank sort of way. Holly agrees to come to the sleepover because she has a crush on Lip. Carl brings his new friend, Little Hank, to Debbie’s party. Little Hank is amazing. He is a kid with a housesitting business. He uses the empty houses to drink stolen booze in. Debbie has a crush on Little Hank, even though Simon is much cuter and worthier. Little Hank likes Holly though. It’s kind of cute until Holly sneaks into Lip’s room in the middle of the night to bone him. Lip is not his father, it seems, because he yells at Holly and throws her out. Holly leaves the party and Little Hank follows. Debbie is crushed and blames Fiona for the entire bad experience.
Sheila finally makes it to the beauty salon and the Alibi Room is only a day away. Frank tries to reawaken Sheila’s agoraphobia by making up local disasters, having his armless friend run into the house with a “bleeding” stump, and shooting at Sheila from a safe distance…with a gun containing the wrong ammunition. This literally backfires and fragments scratch Frank’s cornea. He is forced to wear an eye patch for the duration of his panic day. The Luger and the story of the Luger was pretty awesome. On the day of Sheila’s outing to the bar, she walks out and a piece of the plane falls from the sky. Sheila freaks and rushes back into her house, broken. Frank hits his knees to thank God. We laugh, even though it’s awful.
Ethel is starting to grow on us. Kevin introduces her to Malik, a black boy her age with a child of his own. They set up a playdate and bond. Vanessa is concerned that Malik isn’t good for Ethel and Kevin is happy to see Vanessa acting like Ethel’s “mama bear.” Lip spends the episode investigating Jody, trying to find dirt on him. When he finds out that Jody (chodie, haha) has no skeletons in his closet, Lip sleeps with Mandy. He tries to get Mandy to seduce Jody, but Jody refuses Mandy and then tells Karen. Karen goes to the Gallagher house and kicks the crap out of Lip. She tells him to leave her, Jody, and THE BABY alone. Uh oh. Karen has only been sleeping with Lip, not Jody. Jody is older and can provide. Lip cannot. So that’s why she’s doing it and not because of Jody’s dong. Did you SEE that thing?
Quote of the week: “I never should have f***ed Dotty to death. Coulda made that work.” –Frank
Episode grade: A-