Mess is right. Beautiful? We don’t see it. We were
actually a little stressed-out for the characters this week, even though it was
the funniest episode of the season so far. Karma hit Fiona in the face like a
chocolate milkshake when Craig’s wife, Lucy Jo, shows up at the Gallagher house
looking for revenge. Lucy Jo tries to get her beat down on and Fiona has to
flee from the Gallaghers' to Sheila’s house or risk being hit with a baseball bat
for sleeping with Lucy Jo’s husband. We love Fiona, but we also love Lucy Jo.
That is just the perfect reaction for when a woman bangs your husband. Lucy Jo
for president. How did Lucy Jo find out? Craig told her, because “he’s a pussy.”
Fiona’s friends and family tell her that she “always picks pussies.” Angry
Fiona texts Craig that he’s a pussy and sends him other charming messages
trying to get him to call off his wife.
Lucy Jo continues to wreak hilarious havoc over the
course of a few days. She beans Fiona with a milkshake and paints a lewd
statement on the Gallagher door. She also has her children stand on the side of
the road under a banner that says, “Fiona Gallagher Had Sex With Our Daddy.” In
the end, Fiona breaks down. The stress is getting to her and she is only
wasting her time with these guys to get over Steve anyway. She keeps calling
Steve and getting his voicemail. Jasmine is still trying to lead Fiona down a
bad path of sugar daddies and Fiona almost hooks up with Adam, a guy who looks
kind of like Steve. In the end, Lucy Jo and Craig show up on the advice of
their priest to get Fiona’s forgiveness. It is a painfully awkward, hilarious
scene. Fiona escapes to the bathroom and cries. Dirty slut or not, we feel bad
for her and we hope Steve gets his tail back to town by next week.
It’s a bad week for both Gallagher women. Debbie breaks
out in a stress rash and smashes Barbies to deal with her chaotic life as a 4th-grader
running a daycare. Fiona tries to get Debbie to relax by having Debbie throw a
slumber party. But this is even more stressful than nothing, because Debbie has
no friends. Debbie has to bribe Simon, a nerdy kid from the library who has a
crush on Debbie, to introduce her to the popular girl, Holly. Holly is 15,
mean, in fourth grade, and gorgeous in a skank sort of way. Holly agrees to
come to the sleepover because she has a crush on Lip. Carl brings his new
friend, Little Hank, to Debbie’s party. Little Hank is amazing. He is a kid
with a housesitting business. He uses the empty houses to drink stolen booze in.
Debbie has a crush on Little Hank, even though Simon is much cuter and
worthier. Little Hank likes Holly though. It’s kind of cute until Holly sneaks
into Lip’s room in the middle of the night to bone him. Lip is not his father,
it seems, because he yells at Holly and throws her out. Holly leaves the party
and Little Hank follows. Debbie is crushed and blames Fiona for the entire bad
experience.
Sheila finally makes it to the beauty salon and the Alibi
Room is only a day away. Frank tries to reawaken Sheila’s agoraphobia by making
up local disasters, having his armless friend run into the house with a “bleeding”
stump, and shooting at Sheila from a safe distance…with a gun containing the
wrong ammunition. This literally backfires and fragments scratch Frank’s
cornea. He is forced to wear an eye patch for the duration of his panic day.
The Luger and the story of the Luger was pretty awesome. On the day of Sheila’s
outing to the bar, she walks out and a piece of the plane falls from the sky.
Sheila freaks and rushes back into her house, broken. Frank hits his knees to
thank God. We laugh, even though it’s awful.
Ethel is starting to grow on us. Kevin introduces her to
Malik, a black boy her age with a child of his own. They set up a playdate and
bond. Vanessa is concerned that Malik isn’t good for Ethel and Kevin is happy
to see Vanessa acting like Ethel’s “mama bear.” Lip spends the episode
investigating Jody, trying to find dirt on him. When he finds out that Jody
(chodie, haha) has no skeletons in his closet, Lip sleeps with Mandy. He tries
to get Mandy to seduce Jody, but Jody refuses Mandy and then tells Karen. Karen
goes to the Gallagher house and kicks the crap out of Lip. She tells him to
leave her, Jody, and THE BABY alone. Uh oh. Karen has only been sleeping with
Lip, not Jody. Jody is older and can provide. Lip cannot. So that’s why she’s
doing it and not because of Jody’s dong. Did you SEE that thing?
Quote of the week: “I never should have f***ed Dotty to death. Coulda made
that work.” –Frank
Episode grade: A-
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