Revenge season one finale chat: Reckoning

Ern: !!!!!!!!!!!!

Leeard: ?

Ern: It's on. Der.

Amanda fakes a robbery to steal the Grayson evidence from Daniel.

Leeard: Ah. Amanda is the tits

Ern: I like that you are saying “the tits” now. Because I love saying it. I love how Daniel stopped the search for the intruder to give Emily a hug.

White-haired man takes Nolan and Amanda reveals her true identity to White-Haired Man.

Leeard: NOLAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAN

Ern: Man, this guy is serious. He was much nicer on 24. If this show takes Nolan, I will not be pleased. He is the Greek Chorus of this whole tragedy. I’m still not sure I root for Amanda, but yeah, I’d respect it too.

Leeard: Amanda is such a bad ass. 

Conrad shows up to search Victoria's house.

Leeard: Victoria is such a better villain than Conrad.

Ern: I thought Victoria was a little over-the-top in that scene, but generally, I agree.

Leeard: I think that’s the acting, mainly. Emily Van Camp is awesome in this role so far, and I loved her in Everwood, but I think it was one of several weird acting choices on this show. 

White-Haired Man and Amanda meet and she is taken

“As you wish.” The white-haired man loves Amanda. She's. A. f***ing. Bad ass.

Ern: Wouldn’t you just pretend to sniff the chloroform?

Leeard: He could probably tell.

Ern: I mean, I’d try that first.

Leeard: I wouldn’t. I think I trust him when he threatens to kill Nolan. She has a f***ing lockpick hidden inside her watch. She’s the best.

Ern: That really was a good idea. Too bad it didn't work. Who are you rooting for at this point? My list is: Nolan, Jack, and Victoria. They killed my damn dog, dammit. I'm still crying over that.

Leeard: a) It's not your dog. b) Amanda and Nolan. I kind of want Jack to just get the hell out of the Hamptons. 

Amanda has another lockpick in her clothes

Leeard: Oh my God, I love her. I knew Amanda would have a backup plan.

At Charlotte and Declan's snooty school...

Ern: Note that Charlotte and Declan are on neither of our lists. Declan is still the worst casting decision in the history of this show. I like Declan’s new girl. She seems smart and she’s less horse-looking than Charlotte. I love her curly hair.

Leeard: I love Charlotte’s hair.

Ern: It’s pretty normal. Smooth. Straighten yours and dye it that color.

Leeard: I do straighten it, thank you. I want it to look like that naturally.

Ern: Even hers doesn’t. And if I were picking TV hairstyles that I would just have naturally, I would have Aria Montgomery’s hair on Pretty Little Liars.

Ashley tells Daniel about the kiss

Leeard: People I’m NOT rooting for: Ashley.

Ern: Ashley has something up her sleeve.

Charlotte impersonates Victoria to get dirt on the new girl at school, then Conrad gives Lydia a present

Leeard: Duh. Ha, oh Charlotte, I like your Victoria voice.

Ern. Charlotte has been acting crazypants for too long

Leeard: I kinda like crazypants. Ugh, Conrad bribing Lydia. He’s so gross. They deserve each other.

Amanda and White-Haired Man fight

Ern: Amanda has an axe? Nice.

Leeard: She’s. So. Cool. Shit like this is why I’m rooting for her.

Ern: Amanda’s mother is so coming into play soon.

Leeard: Fight, fight, fight. Aaaand there go White-Haired Man’s balls. Slit his f***ing throat Amanda.

Ern. Agree. This isn’t the time for her to go all Batman. Actually, on second thought, I like that she isn’t a sociopath. It helps me get her more.

Leeard: I’m okay with her not killing him, but that was just…not payoff.

Ern: Something needs to happen to White-Haired Man. Maybe Conrad will do it. Lydia is a twat.

Leeard: Mmmhmm.

Victoria hears some devastating news.

Ern: Awww, Victoria didn’t know that Conrad killed David. This is why I root for Victoria. She was just trying to follow her heart and was too cowardly years ago to make things right. Now she's bad ass, doing a hot artist, and sticking it to Conrad.

Leeard: Conrad, I didn’t think it was possible for Victoria to hate you more. 

Daniel confronts his fiance about the kiss.

Leeard: Oh shit!

Ern: Daniel is not nearly angry enough. Ashley must not have made it clear how hot and wonderful that kiss was. I ship Daniel/Amanda, but I loved that Jack/Amanda moment last week. This the most real conversation Amanda has ever had with Daniel. I like it.

Leeard: Me too. I was just about to say: I love that she’s actually being honest with him. Well, as honest as she can be.

Ern: Wow, I can’t believe Amanda is ending this. The engagement is no longer a part of her plot.

Leeard: She liiiiiiikes Daniel.

Ern: I would too, if he stopped being Conrad’s pet retard. I would start rooting for him again.

Leeard: Word. I’m still kind of rooting for him. Like, rooting for him to stop being a Grayson.

Ern: I think he will get there. After the next commercial, can we pause it so i can get some food?

Leeard: Ugh. For how long?

Ern: Like, four minutes. I have to go to the fridge, heat a slice, and come back.

Leeard. I love how American non-American people can sound normal but have like one word or sound that totally makes me realize they’re from another country.

Ern: Okay, i have my food. Tell me when to play

Leeard: Play

Ern: Playing

Leeard: HA. Taxi-cab bounce

Ern: Who do you think is prettier, Lydia or Victoria?

Leeard: Hmm. Probably Lydia. Nolan and Amanda are freaking me out with this celebratory champagne stuff. I don’t like it.

Ern: Jack is totally dying.

Leeard: Someone is.

Charlotte then sends the gossip about the new girl to everyone in her school.

Leeard: Godd***it, Charlotte

Ern: What a bitch.

Leeard: Someone shoot that girl. Get it, Declan.

Ern: I might like him now.

Leeard: Pretty much. That was great.

Victoria comes to Amanda and Amanda opens the engagement gift.

Leeard: HA. I’m not gonna lie, I knew there would be nothing in there.

Ern: That's a pretty good diss.

Amanda goes to Jack and Emily shows up, pregnant.

Ern: Ugh, no.

Leeard: Godd***it! NO. OH F***. F*** F*** F*** F***.

Ern: This is the opposite of the tits.

Leeard: People I don’t root for, continued: The fake Amanda (Emily).

Ern: How is she even alive? Ugh.

Leeard: Seriously. Can I speak her name to Jaqen?

Ern: She is worthy to be one of the three.

Ashley and Daniel share a drink

Leeard: Ashley, if you get with Daniel, I will root for you even less. I really don’t like how they’ve pretty much dropped the Amanda/Ashley friendship, since that was Emily’s official introduction to the Hamptons.

Ern: Well, Ashley started being a bitch, and they were never great friends. Ashley has the worst type of English accent. It’s not even cute like they usually are.

Victoria to Charlotte on payback: It makes me feel good about myself when the other party deserved it.

Ern: Nice parenting, Victoria.

Leeard: Ha, yeah, she’s not exactly the best mom.

Conrad shows up to yell at Victoria again, and she has some good comebacks

Ern: Conrad sounds like Agent Smith on The Matrix. “Mister Anderson…..”

Leeard: Ha, I love Victoria. Love = solidified.

Ern. She is the best.

Leeard: No, Amanda is the best.

Ern: No, Victoria is better.

Leeard: No. How has no one died yet? This is making me scared.

Ern: They will.

Leeard: I know. That’s why I’m scared.

Ern: It had better be someone important too.

Leeard: It will be.

Victoria heads for her plane.

Ern: I love when TV uses this song ("Seven Devils" by Florence + the Machine)

Leeard: I want the plane to blow up.

Ern: No!

Leeard: But it would be nice mirroring to the terrorist plane crash.

Ern: That’s true, if all you want is mirroring.

Leeard: It’s not all I want, obviously. Ha! Hey White-Haired Man. Yep.

The plane blows up.

Ern: Ugh, I hate you.

Leeard: I don’t think Victoria died though.

Ern: No way. If she did though: balls.

Charlotte takes pills.

Leeard: Good. Peace out, Charlotte.

Ern: Die Charlotte! Die!

Leeard: Ugh. Dammit, Conrad.

Nolan tells Amanda he has a copy of the evidence.

Leeard: YES. NOLAN I LOVE YOU. Nolan is the f***ing tits.

Ern: Nolan!!!!!!!!!!!

Leeard: Momma Clarkeeeeeeeeeee!

Ern: Oh hey, now I have to wait all summer to find out about this.

Leeard: Um WE have to wait

Some people are saying that this show is the new LOST. We agree that the LOST heir will be nothing like LOST, but we don't think Revenge is it (yet). It is a good, addictive, twisty show, but it isn't as smart and it doesn't have that obsession-breeding factor. It does have an ensemble of characters that we both love and hate though. And it's on ABC. But it's the Stannis until we find our Gendry. Revenge is a good show, and it's the closest thing we've gotten on network TV to a LOST heir, but we think a better one will emerge, probably years from now. We want to re-watch season one and summarize it before season two starts, so be on the lookout for that.

Finale grade: A-

Leeard's season grade: A

Ern's season grade: B+