Are You There God? It’s Me, Jenna
Jenna blames herself for her parents’ separation, so she goes with Lissa to church camp. Unfortunately, Lissa invited Sadie too. Needless to say, things do not go too well. Val tells Jenna that “religion is all about preying on the weak.” Sad, but true, especially among high-school students. Because high school is also about preying on the weak. Put them together? You’d better be strong, cool, and about to look perfect, or don’t apply. The gay Christian is the best one, obviously, and Jenna bonds a little with Lissa. Our favorite part was when Lissa said, “If people have different interpretations of the Bible, Christianity will never survive.” The show clearly doesn’t approve of that philosophy and neither do we. Splitting hairs splits up people. The episode got a lot of things about Christianity wrong (Adam WAS with Eve when she talked to the snake, and Jesus spent a lot of time with Mary Magdalene), which is fine because the inaccuracies were for humor’s sake. Meanwhile, Lacey adjusts to spending time alone, with Val’s help. Jenna’s stalker seems to fixate on Tamara instead, but really she’s just delusional. Matty still pines for Jenna, but when she sees him checking out another girl, Jenna doesn’t like it much. This episode could have been funnier, but we still enjoyed it.
Episode grade: B-
My Love is a Black Heart
Valentine’s Day comes to Awkward, and Jenna’s jealousy of Matty’s new relationship threatens to ruin her night with Jake. Jake says, “I love you,” and Jenna doesn’t return it. Awwww. Ricky is in love with Sadie! Hahahaha. The episode played "Der Holle Rache Kocht in Meinem Herzen" at the beginning. Ha! Okayyy, this is an MTV show. We’ll dial down the nerdiness. Sadly, Matty’s new girl is unbelievably beautiful. No high school freshman girl looks like that. We feel like Sadie is losing weight. We don’t approve. We thought it was hilarious that the school “fat” girl was the bully. Does everyone have to conform to that same TV size? Stupid. Jenna’s dad! Oh, we missed him. This breakup is truly bumming us out. They were so cute together and one of the reasons Ern liked the show. If they get divorced, that will be hella lame. The actor playing Jake does not do “nervous” convincingly. It’s 100% certain now that Matty is endgame. Ern isn’t happy about that, but she gets it. Leeard loves Matty. Jenna stole our move. When a guy says “I love you” and you can’t say it back, just pull them in and kiss them. It’s still bad, but it’s your only option. You definitely shouldn’t say “awesome” afterward though. Ugh.
Episode grade: B+
What Comes First: Sex or Love?
Okay, let’s answer that episode title question first. Love. It should be love. You should love the person you sleep with. Now, having sex can intensify your feelings for a person and make you more attached to them. With girls, a chemical in the brain is released after sex that can create strong emotions for the person. But it’s not the best way to go about love. Of course, this is Awkward, so the question isn’t so easily answered by the characters, who seem to learn by doing. Which is great because it’s entertaining. Jenna and Jake plan to have sex to settle their relationship doubts. Sadie stole the episode, as usual. We are starting to feel really bad for Jake. We love how adorably honest he was about how he would be lucky to last two minutes in sex. We like Jenna and Matty acting like friends. Val/Usher’s “lady in the streets, freak in the sheets” advice has merit. “You know, if you drink enough wine, it tastes like love” does not. Hahaha. We agree with “Every first time is the first time. And it should be special. The end, and Jake’s speech, was so cute and perfect. No high school boy would know the exact right things to say in that situation though. Aw, heck, we’re going to pretend it was realistic, since we liked it so much. Also, never listen to Tamara, Jenna.
Episode grade: A-
Another One Bites the Dust
Aunt Ally gets married on the same day Jenna plans to seal the deal with Jake. Lacey’s ex-boyfriend from high school, Ben, wants to walk down memory lane, but Jenna puts a stop to it. Jake tries to stop Sadie from rubbing her relationship with Ricky in Tamara’s face, so Sadie tells Jake about Jenna’s history with Matty. Just then, Jenna leaves a message on Jake’s phone telling him that she loves him. We love love loved Ally’s wedding dress. It might be a little young for her though. Just sayin’. We liked Tamara saying “Project Bone.” This show is so funny. Ern just found Leeard’s role in her wedding (Flower Bitch). Ugh, that Ringer/Life Unexpected guy playing Ben has got to stop. He’s a clear showkiller and only moderately hot. He just doesn’t have the X-Factor. Who are we, Simon Cowell? We need Kevin back in our lives! We need Lacey to be worthy of him, stat. We are digging Lacey and Val as friends. The side buns looked hilariously awful on Sadie. Ally’s threatening question that cracked Sadie was perfectly delivered. It scared us too. Ally is the best Bridezilla onscreen. In fiction. Does Jenna not remember how bad the sex was with Matty? We guess you never get over your first, but wow, it was bad. Making Tamara the assistant was a stroke of brilliance. Man, we have very little to say about this show that is negative these days. It’s seriously underrated. Okay, we have one complaint: Jake calling Sadie a bitch. We really like him, but when a guy calls a woman a “bitch,” it leaves a stain on our opinions of him. Sadie’s a total bitch though. In the best way. You’re welcome.
Episode grade: A
Time After Time
After Jake breaks up with Jenna, Matty comes over to her house to comfort her and they kiss. Jake sees the kiss. Meanwhile, Lacey gets closer to Ben. This episode made Leeard cry (stuff happened this week, in her defense). Not hard, but still. Ern said before that she wasn’t digging the actress playing Jenna, but Ern has changed her mind. Everything about the pilot sucked and lowered Ern’s opinion of everyone in the show. The subsequent episodes rectified the false impressions. Ashley Rickards is perfect. This is the episode where Leeard liked Tamara the best. Leeard usually doesn’t like either of Jenna’s best friends. Ern likes the Asian one. Jake was being a huge jerk in this episode, but we guess it’s kind of justified. Still, it’s disappointing. This whole situation is very Aidan-Big-Carrie, except without overt cheating. Just LIES. We loved that Jake changed his mind as soon as he heard Jenna’s message. Wait, the Ben thing is still going on?!! What?!! We thought Ben got the message from Jenna! When Jenna caught them kissing, she should have pushed them in the pool. Then Kevin showed up! Yesssss. Just in time to see his wife dancing with Ben, head on his chest, and eyes closed. Maybe we don’t like Kevin that much. He left. Ugh ugh ugh. Thank you, hot mess Ally for ruining it with your near-naked worm. The end was so good and heartbreaking and predictable. Maybe Matty isn’t endgame. Maybe we finally have a love triangle on TV where the answer isn’t obvious, other than the TVD triangle. Notable line: “I may be drunk, but you’re a dork. At least tomorrow I’ll be sober…for a while.”
Episode grade: A-