Running Wilde pilot review- Not quite "A Huge Mistake"

We are glad we get to see what GOB would have been like if Michael had given him any money. Speaking of that, did you catch the Arrested Development reference in the narration toward the beginning?

Running Wilde, starring Will Arnet (Arrested’s GOB) and Keri Russell, is about a rich trust fund guy named Steve Wilde who is still in love with his high school sweetheart, an environmental rights activist named Emmy. Emmy has been “lording having nothing over Steve for years.” Emmy has an intelligent, funny daughter named Puddle. Good casting there. That daughter looks just like Keri Russell, and she’s one of the most magnetic things about this show so far. The supporting characters are a rich guy who serves as Steve’s competition in life and the employees Steve Wilde has to be his friends.

In the pilot, Steve concocted a plan to get Emmy’s attention: give himself an award for charity. Emmy saw right through this, and prepared to go back to the jungle, where she was living with her daughter and activist boyfriend (David Cross). We laughed out loud when Steve relocated the jungle indigents to a resort, because he had to get them out of that hole (the jungle). They were frolicking in the pool with floaties. It was a riot.

Random girly thought: We loved Emmy’s watercolor-style dress at the charity award party. It reminded us of a short version of Rachel McAdams’ lovely Oscar dress this year. Take note, Gossip Girl.

This pilot was pretty amusing, but to give it more than an average grade would just show that we are biased toward anything reminding us of Arrested Development. The Running Wilde pilot was more chuckle-out-loud than laugh-out-loud funny. Pretty good for a sitcom whose title is a pun though. The set-up isn't great or original. We are a little disappointed in this pilot.

Average grade not-withstanding, we think this show has a ton of promise, and we think it’s something to keep watching. Don’t give up on this one too soon. There is only so much a show can do in a 22-minute pilot.

Episode grade- C

watch the pilot for free here.
http://www.hulu.com/watch/178589/running-wilde-pilot#s-p1-so-i0

Lone Star Pilot Review

We were not excited about Lone Star because of the premise. Modern TV loves an anti-hero (Dexter anyone?), but asking the public to symathize with a con man in love with two women might be taking it too far. The ratings for this show were low, so apparently other people agreed with us. Characters should always be well-rounded and should possess flaws, but people like to root for good to overcome evil sometimes. This is the appeal of movies like Braveheart and Forrest Gump.

But this main character’s life is not a box of chocolates, and he doesn’t have a lot of freedom either. Bob Alan (who looks like the lovechild of Jon Krasinski and Kyle Chandler - gorgeous, is what we're saying) is a Texas con man who tricks would-be investors into signing over their savings to him to get a fake piece of imaginary rock. He has a rich wife, Cat, with a spitfire, bad girl personality and a middle-class fiancé, Lindsay, who is very sweet. They are both very much in love with him, and he loves them both too. We're supposed to buy this because, you see, Bob’s conning ways are not HIS fault. His dad made him participate in his schemes since he was a young boy. We think Bob is lying to himself about his intentions and doesn’t know what really drives him. He thinks he is driven by love for his dad and two women, as well as a search for something real, but his actions reveal the truth. Then again, that dad seems pretty heartless. If Bob stopped playing his game, maybe he would reveal all of Bob’s lies and cons. Even then, that would mean Bob's motivation is fear, not love.

Bob’s shady, interesting, and powerful father-in-law offered him a job with his oil company, and now Bob wants to take it rather than simply pull a planned long con on the father-in-law. Bob wants to take this job and start living a straight life. Er…two straight lives.

Now, in order to cover up his former lies and live out his polygamous dreams, Bob has to steal from his father-in-law’s oil company to pay back what he stole from the people in Lindsay’s town, or he has to leave Lindsay.

Bob’s dad has him on a tight leash. When Bob tried to give up the con man life, Bob’s dad knew just how to manipulate him. He said, “You’re a con man son. This is what you do. This is who you are. I'm the one who loves you for who you are and not who you pretend to be.” In addition to the love Bob feels for his father, Bob has an identity to keep up. Identity is related to your purpose in life, which is central to being human. Without a purpose, real or shallow, people become depressed and lethargic. We all have bits of our identity that are false or harmful, but they makes us who we think we are. Bob is becoming who he pretends to be, and he’s losing track of what’s real and what he was intended to be. When we don’t know who we really are, we have to take on a constructed identity. Are you “a stylish, pretty girl,” “a smart guy,” “a devil-may care guy,” "a good person," or “the funny one?” Or is your identity your job, like Bob's? Is your identity, like Bob's, built on something you can lose if things go badly?

Bob’s father has encouraged his son to take this human behavior to the extreme. The strength of this show is that we can all relate to Bob. We have all felt the moment when we’re afraid our lies have caught up to us. We all want someone to know us for who we really are and accept us. And we all have had habits, fears, and parental pressure that keep us trapped. Before you write this show off because you can't stand the actions of the charming main character, ask yourself what you think is the basis of you. If you lost it, would you be you anymore? And what would you do to keep it?

We are rooting for this show. And we are rooting for Bob.

Episode Grade- B

You can catch the pilot here, for free http://www.hulu.com/watch/179192/lone-star-pilot#s-p1-so-i0

Chase Pilot review- zzzzzzzzzz

We didn’t HATE this show, and we can see how some people might have fun watching it, but we certainly won’t be rushing back to our TV sets for it next week. In fact, unless we start hearing some significant buzz saying that it has improved or completely changed (like Cougar Town did), we may never watch an episode of Chase again.

There is just nothing special enough about this show to make us actually want to watch it. We would describe this one as brainless and heartless. In fact, this blogger might go as far as, “Should have stuck with studying constitutional law instead.”

Chase is a by-the-numbers cop procedural. The team of Federal Marshalls chase fugitives across state lines. In the pilot, a shady con man was killing people and robbing them. He was actually creepy enough to make the whole episode watchable. The main character is as bland as they get, and she has daddy issues that come from some “mysterious,” yet to be revealed backstory. Are you surprised that a female law enforcement officer on TV has daddy issues? Neither were we. We think we are going to be ok never knowing what they are.

If you are looking for a cop show, try Southland, not this.

Episode grade- F

You can watch the pilot for free here (at least for the time being): http://www.nbc.com/chase/video/pilot/1250149/

The Event pilot review

The Event was an engaging, frantic, and eventful set-up for a bigger story, but not much more. There wasn’t a lot of time to get to know the characters or delve deep into anything, but that’s fine...for now. This is just the sort of show this blogger likes, where it looks like the writers are going to hide the ball for a while. If you don’t, then be heartened. The show’s writers have planned a big clue or reveal in each episode, and they want to have smaller story arcs every five or six episodes. They have also promised us more character development.

The pilot changed time and locations often, showing us different characters at different times and giving away different clues. We will attempt to put it in some sort of order for this review.

In Alaska, about 13 months ago, there was a detention camp holding 97 prisoners, including the prisoner who seemed to be in charge of them, Sophia. There, someone told Sophia that someone named “William” had been recaptured, that he had been in Los Angeles, and we learned that he had been gone for some time. The president hinted that the prisoners “may not be Americans,” so we think they are probably extra terrestrials.

Nearly thirteen months later, the main character, Sean Walker, took his girlfriend, Leila, on a cruise after asking her father’s permission to marry her. The father (Scott Patterson from Gilmore Girls) interrupted Sean’s nervous speech with a laid-back, “Sean, relax. You have my permission.” On the vacation, Sean and Leila met an annoying young couple when Sean saved the female part of that couple from drowning. The couple got Leila to drink too much, so Leila stayed in the next day. When Sean got back to their room, Leila was gone and a new couple was staying in the room. There was no record of Leila or Sean ever getting on the boat. Sean started freaking out and getting angry. With things like “Boiling Points,” “Punk’d,” and my family in this world, this blogger’s first assumption would have been that this was a prank. But Sean recognized right away that this was serious—Leila was gone.

Blair Underwood (the doctor who dated Miranda on Sex and the City) plays the president. He’s coming across as a David Palmer sort, not an evil president. He talked about how he wanted to set the prisoners free. Sean turned into a nervous guy hijacking an airplane. Apparently, his future father-in-law was flying the plane into the house the President was having a party in, because “they had offered him” something (probably Leila). Sean begged Leila’s dad not to go through with the deed. We felt sympathy for the teary father who was once so easygoing. At the last second, the plane disappeared. Sophia, who was at the party, told the President, “They saved us….I haven’t told you everything.” Our minds weren't blown yet, and we aren't ready to compare this to LOST. But we were entertained, and we want to tune in next week.

Episode grade- B

Watch the pilot here for free on NBC: http://www.nbc.com/the-event/video/i-havent-told-you-everything/1250176/

Gossip Girl Double Identity Review

When the episode opened, Serena and Blair were still in Paris. Serena was wearing an awful gold jacket that reminded us of Michael Jackson’s clothing choices, along with poofy blue parachute pants. We were not digging it. Blair looked cute though, which was a good thing since she spotted old flame Chuck Bass while passing him in her car. That moment wasn’t as heart-stopping as we wanted it to be, but we are glad the show didn’t make us wait any longer to see them together again.

Serena found out that Chuck was still alive when the body she was to identify as Chuck's was actually one of the thieves who tried to steal Chuck’s engagement ring for Blair. Serena tracked Chuck down, but he pretended not to know her in front of his new French girlfriend, Eva. Serena stuck around for a bit and got the whole story from Chuck, and then she went to Blair to get Blair to talk Chuck out of running away from himself. Chuck has ALWAYS dressed like a rich 80-year-old man, and since his injury, he has a cane to go with his ancient ensembles.

Blair found out that Chuck was shot and that he had bought a ring for her (that he would not let robbers have). Blair acted like she wasn’t going to go to the train station to stop Chuck from disappearing, but of course she did. Meanwhile, Dan got back with Vanessa by having sex with her. Bro, you just had a BABY. Have you learned nothing about keeping it in your pants? But Dan’s baby, Milo, is so cute, and we love his little bear ears hat. Dan’s character has been so boring for so long, we don’t mind that he is saddled with fatherhood. It won’t slow the already crawling character down a bit.

The show’s writers managed to credibly get Blair into a beautiful red ball gown for her discussion with Chuck. Chuck expressed his wish to leave his old life and mistake behind, saying “I destroyed the only thing I ever loved.” Blair’s comeback? “It takes more than even you to destroy Blair Waldorf.” Amen sistah. Blair was at her best in this episode, convincing Chuck to come back and resume his life in a stunning scene where our hearts broke for both of them. (Did it look like Chuck was about to cry, but in a totally manly way, when Blair said she didn't love him anymore?) Also, those two actors make this show. Chuck decided to return to New York City, taking his French girl with him.

French Girl: You got me a ticket?
Chuck: We don’t need tickets. I’m Chuck Bass.

Wooooo, he’s back. Our pet peeve with Gossip Girl right now is Juliet. How can that actress be 24? She looks 30, and has no business playing a 19-year-old. (Stop it. Katie Cassidy is an amazing actress, and has been the light in otherwise shitty shows). Also, we are already bored with her scheming character. Can Blair take her down already? Serena returned home to find Nate with Juliet and Dan with Vanessa (and a baby).

Thank God the show left France. This blogger has trouble understanding words spoken in French accents. This episode is what we wanted to see in the premiere, rather than last week’s Serena/Blair fight. Better late than never.

Episode Grade- B

Weeds Boomerang Review

Last night's Weeds officially ended the slow slump the show has been in while the family was hiding from Esteban.

At first, we were disappointed when the cops from last week didn’t catch Andy and Nancy with marijuana, because we needed there to be drama or a game-changing event on this show already. It turns out they were just after their van, which meant the family had to move again. Silas, comfortable pretending to be a college student, was upset to leave his new life and girlfriend Kimmy. He “borrowed” her car. Yeah, she’s not getting that back.

Nancy ripped the earlobe off of a woman trying to steal Nancy’s pot money. Meanwhile, Doug feared for his life and prayed to God, “I tried…I tried to read the Bible, but it always felt like a way less awesome Lord of the Rings.” We dig this comparison.

Nancy was having trouble contacting Shane (his voice message was “You must be old if you aren’t texting, so leave a message, mom”), when everyone the family had ever wronged showed up at their hotel room. The moms Shane befriended called child protective services on behalf of the infant (resulting in a funny moment with Andy.) The woman with one earlobe showed up with her man to exact revenge on Nancy.

Then, Doug and Esteban’s men appeared and got Shane. The episode ended with Nancy learning this news via a call from Shane and sinking to the floor. This one started out very slow, but ended well. We are excited to see Shane’s murder catch up to him, and we are also happy to see the family leave their attempt at a normal life. We wonder if child protective services will end up taking the baby (they probably will), and we wonder how Nancy is going to get out of this mess, as usual. This new set up is MUCH more promising than it would have been if Nancy and Andy had simply gotten arrested for having weed trimmings...

This episode also dealt a little with Andy and Nancy’s relationship, establishing that Nancy has been dangling the hope that they one day might hook up in front of Andy in order to stop him from leaving them. We know they will end up together, in the end.

Episode grade- B (because there weren't as many funny parts as usual)

How I Met Your Mother Season 6 Premiere Review

We’re glad to see this show again, and we don’t think the last season was anywhere near as bad as people said it was. It wasn’t the BEST season at all, but we still enjoyed it.

The show opened outside of a church where a wedding was about to happen. In the future. We got to see nothing of this “game changing wedding” except Marshall and Ted drinking beer. Then it flashed back to our present, where Robin was still reeling from the aftermath of her breakup. Her state was worse than Marshall’s when Lily left him (and way more disgusting). She cleaned up to prove to Barney that she was still hot though. Barney is still scoping women (especially if they are wearing sundresses). Ted made up with his ex, played by the awesome Rachel Bilson.

The show teased us with a possible “mother,” but we didn’t believe it, because this show has dangled that in front of us before. We don’t actually believe there IS a mother. It’s a hoax. Those kids were adopted by a sad and lonely, Bob Saget-y future Ted. Just kidding. Maybe.

Thank God Lily’s hair has a reddish tint again. Now if she would just lay off of the spray tans. Lily and Marshall are trying to procreate, but Lily is upset that Marshall told his dad they were trying to have a baby and generally gives his dad too much information. Barney sides with Marshall, admiring his relationship with his father. Lily then revealed that her real problem was feeling pressured to get pregnant. Marshall said, “Not having a baby would suck, but the idea of you letting me down? That’s impossible. That would be like aliens landing. That’s a bad example, because that could happen.” They are a sweet couple, but we think the “trying to have a baby” plot is almost a cliché on sitcoms. Who do these people think they are, Chandler and Monica?

Then it went back to the wedding, where Ted was apparently best man. The narration revealed that Ted met the mother at THIS wedding. Of course, the episode ended before we met her. One of us wants Barney and Robin together in the end. PLEASE let it be their wedding. We don't want Barney to be some sad Hugh Hefner type when he's old. If he would be happy settling down with anyone, we think it would be Robin.

We are underwhelmed by this premiere. This blogger tends to measure the worth of comedies by how many laughs it produces. This episode brought forth no laughter, only a mild amusement at the show’s strongest characters, Barney and Robin (and a nice moment between Lily and Marshall). We expect better later in the season....or else.

Episode grade: C-

Boardwalk Empire Pilot review

Every time this blogger tries to study, the TV gods put something else on that’s good. Boardwalk Empire is going to earn this blogger a D in business entities, guaranteed.

We were nervous about this one because, frankly, leading actor Steve Buscemi is an uggo. We like someone nice to look at when it comes to TV. But he IS a good actor, and we really like him in this part. We were also nervous because one of us is still mad at pilot director Scorsese for Shutter Island. That movie’s ending was a cop-out, and the whole thing made one of us feel icky the whole day after it. We weren't that interested in Boardwalk Empire's subject either. But this show is a lot of fun. It's like a classy, nice-to-look-at Goodfellas in the 20s. Why is it on Sunday nights? It’s just going to make this blogger want to drink and dance. And this blogger never wants to dance.

This series is about a man who profits from getting people liquor during Prohibition (which was one of the top ten stupidest government ideas of all time, easy). We are history nerds, and we love period pieces. This blogger particularly loves this era’s clothing and music. It’s nice to see all that in a series. We hope it pays off so it doesn’t get cancelled like Rome for being too expensive.

The main character, Nucky (Buscemi), is all for prohibition, because it is going to make him rich. He even spoke at a meeting of the “Women’s Temperance League,” where the women seemed to be swooning over Nucky. Their motto was “Lips that touch liquor shall never touch mine.” Funny, our motto is “Steve Buscemi’s lips shall never touch mine.” But enough about how unattractive poor Steve is. His character, Nucky, is about the nicest gangster we’ve seen in a while. He goes to great lengths to help a pregnant woman with an abusive husband (even if one of the ways he helps her is by having the husband whacked). The other main character is a young guy named Jimmy who is played by one of the actors who creeped us out in the horror movie Funny Games. Jimmy has a wife and a cute kid, but plenty of demons from serving in the military/war. Jimmy’s goal is for Nucky to give him more credit and responsibility. He hangs out with a young Al Capone, believes he is going to hell for how he acted in the war, and most of this plot relies on questioning Jimmy’s loyalty to Nucky.

It being on HBO, there is a lot of violence, gore, sex, and the F word appears not five minutes in, so our young or discerning viewers should steer clear. This show was devilishly funny in bits. The pilot episode had more of a plot than most HBO shows’ whole seasons. There are a few surprises we won’t give away. Also, they played Enrico Caruso in a stretch where people were getting whacked, which always earns points with us.

Not yet good enough to GET HBO if you don’t have it, but it could reach that level. We expect this show to sweep the Emmy Awards next year. This is the best pilot in a long time. Looking forward to next week’s show.

Episode grade- A

TV's Most Dateable Guys Part 2 (We're thinking this is a three-parter)

Alex Santiago, Pretty Little Liars – Extremely sweet and genuine but we are sure he has a deep, dark secret, like every single person on that show does.

Owen Hunt and Jackson Avery, Grey’s Anatomy—We know some people dislike these characters, but they are the only guys on the show who haven’t cheated on any of their women…even if Owen did dump one in an email. That's better than nothing. And they are the only guys on that show who don’t whine and mope around like a couple of girls…well, except for Jackson’s rant on how no one takes him seriously because he is hot. And we think Owen made up for the choking thing (that was ONE TIME) by running back into the hospital to get Cristina when there was a shooter in there. Even if he was useless and just ended up getting shot.

· Derek Morgan, Criminal Minds – Fiercely protective and ridiculously good-looking. Also, he probably has the least amount of baggage out of everyone on the show, which has to count for something.

· Sam Swarek, Rookie Blue – If you watch the show, you know exactly why he’s on the list. Swarek is gorgeous, sarcastic, and not afraid to go into the women’s locker room. This isn’t taking into account the season finale, which sucked.

· Matt Donovan, The Vampire Diaries – He’s not as hot as Damon or Stefan, and he’s not as BA as Alaric. But he’s cute, sweet, and loyal. Also, we like our guys human. And if he’s dating Caroline, obviously his standards aren’t that high. Easy man candy.

· Jeff Winger, Community – Yes, he’s a jerk. But he’s a funny jerk who really seems to care about his friends. And if he’s good enough for Trudy Campbell, he’s good enough for us. Plus, he reminds us of that awesomely hilarious guy on The Soup.

· Leonard, The Big Bang Theory – While Sheldon is easily the best character, Leonard is the only one actually worth dating. He’s sweet and socially awkward, but that’s his charm. Also, who else on that show is dateable? Howard? Raj? No.

· Danny Messer, CSI: NY – There’s a pretty common theme in this list. We love cops. Messer is adorable and definitely has the best accent of anyone on this list.

· Tony Reali, Around the Horn – It took some convincing, but he’s on the list. He is gorgeous, absolutely hilarious, the best host AtH has ever had, and seems to know everything about sports. Any questions?

· Matt, Friday Night Lights- He takes care of his grandma, plays great football for such a tiny little thing, and he’s totally sweet. There are a few guys on that show we would date, but Matt is number one on that list.

Only one installment of this hot TV guy thing left...for a while anyway. So remind us of who we've missed in the comments, and if we agree, they will make it in the third post.

Nikita episode 2 review

1) We are sick of the advertisements saying Nikita is a “new hit series.” Saying something is a hit when it isn’t yet insults the viewers, because it implies that we are stupid enough to go, “Oh, it’s a hit? I should watch it.” There have been two episodes. No one I know watches this show. Don’t count your chickens.
2) Watching people conduct most of their interactions through computers and cell phone conversations takes tension and humanity out of a show. It’s boring.
3) The show is called “Nikita,” not “Alex.” Why was Nikita’s role reduced to “supporting mentor” so much in this episode?

On this week’s episode of the CW’s James Bond (James Bond with only pretty people and no James), we were treated to the story of how Nikita met Alex. One year ago, Alex was a drug addict who was about to get raped by her dealers. She looked a little like Krisent Stewart playing Joan Jett. Nikita saved Alex and locked her in a sauna to get her off drugs. Then Nikita told Alex that she had a reason to live: to avenge her parents who we assume Division killed. We don’t think this backstory was interesting enough. Any 13-year-old on a fanfiction site could have written it. As for what happened in real time, the episode started out dull, and we could not get into the plot.

What’s with Shane West? He doesn’t come across as a government agent. He comes across as the guy in “A Walk to Remember.” And he always whispers when he talks, as if that makes the tone more dramatic. It doesn’t. It just means you’re a bad actor. No one whispers with a raspy voice across the room to another person.

The next episode looks better, but this one was kind of a chore to watch. We like to ENJOY television. That’s the point of all this, isn’t it?

New hit series my anus.

Episode grade- D

The Vampire Diaries episode 2 review

We were surprised by how sad we were about Caroline's transformation in the beginning of this episode. We like this new development as fans of TV, but not so much as fans of The Vampire Diaries. This definitely adds a new, interesting element to the show, but poor Matt! We just hope she'll be able to control it.

We liked Stefan trying to be funny when he was guessing what Tyler and his uncle were. We were disappointed in Jeremy showing Damon his ring that protects him. Damon removed it easily. Duh. After Jeremy snuck into Damon’s house to try to kill him with a wooden stake he made, he admitted his plan beforehand to Damon (great going, Jeremy), and Damon said our favorite line of the night, talking about when people tried to kill him in the town before: “It was 1864. People knew how to whittle.” Then Damon and Jeremy had a bonding moment (meaning Damon didn't kill him). Hopefully this means Damon won't try to kill Jeremy ... for the next few weeks, anyway.

We loved Caroline’s revenge against Damon, and the fact that she didn’t spend time wondering what she was, because Damon’s old compulsions started wearing off. Caroline remembered how badly Damon had treated her and threw him across the high school hall. It was less cool when she whispered, “You suck” to Damon as she walked off, but she IS a 16-year-old girl. We probably wouldn't have had the guts to even say THAT.

Bonnie had a new crush, but Damon brainwashed him into attacking Tyler, just to see how Tyler and his uncle would react. Then Caroline ate him. Poor Bonnie’s crush. Damon then tried to kill Caroline and Elena stopped him. Bonnie tried to kill Damon, but Elena stopped her too. Elena is one of the smartest, most reasonable teen heroines of all time. They SHOULD listen to her. Bonnie blamed everything bad that has happened (pretty much since the beginning of time) on Damon. Actually Bonnie, everything that happened was YOUR fault. We think that she probably realizes this, but someone on this show needs to acknowledge it.

Tyler and his uncle spent a significant amount of time looking for a white “moon stone,” which Tyler found and kept. Also, we predict that Uncle Mason and Mama Lockwood are gonna have sex. We generally like Caroline as a vampire, because she seems able to control it better than Vicki Donovan, thanks to Stefan’s training. The sweetest moment came from Caroline and Matt at the end of the episode. He said he loved her, and she didn’t bite him/controlled herself.

Stefan and Elena also had a sweet moment together. It’s about time we are reminded that these two enjoy being together, and that is the reason for all this drama. It was exactly what Elena needed. She resisted at first, because she felt like now was not the time for pleasure, with so much doom and gloom going on. Stefan said, “I came back to this town to start a life with you. We can’t forget to live it. We have to take these moments.” It’s nice to remind the kiddies that life is full of problems, but you need to live in the now and enjoy your life through the worrying. So the high school girl got to have a normal moment with her boyfriend. Except for the levitation. We forgot those vampires could levitate. Or at least jump really, really high. But how else were they going to get to the top of the Ferris wheel when the fair was closed?

We were disappointed we didn’t see Katherine, but it builds suspense to not have to most interesting new character waived in our faces all the time. We understand. And we approve.

Episode grade: A

America’s Next Top Model Review- Episode 2: Diane von Furstenberg

This week, we were introduced to the Cycle 15 opening sequence, which has got to be one of the lamest things we have ever seen. It started with Tyra Banks making faces at the camera and leaning against some mirrors in what I’m sure she thought was a sexy way. Then the Cycle 15 girls did it too. The theme song has gotten even worse. Tyra, we get that you are in charge of America’s Next Top Model. We even remember that you used to be a model. You don’t have to plaster yourself all over the previews and put pictures of yourself all over every house where those poor girls live. You can just show up at judging and a few challenges, and we will remember, “Ahh, this is the boss.” And it would be much more tasteful.

We’re starting to like Ann. Chris was talking to Ann because, as Chris tells us, Chris is a nice person. In this charity conversation, Chris tells Ann that she is going to find her a man. “What’s your type? I got some homies.” Ann deadpanned, “My type is a sixty-year-old warlock who spits fire and knows how to make sushi.” While she is saying this, people in charge of the show play “Ann is crazy music.” The episode's challenge was to walk a wobbly runway four stories above the ground, and it was boring. No one fell off. They should have made it wobblier. There was also a bit of shameless product placement with the girls talking up this fancy hair straightener/curler device. We also found out that Kayla is gay. Chris’ reply? “I don’t care. I’m cool with everybody.” Chris thinks she is a much nicer person than she is (when, in fact, she’s a bit of a douchelord), but we like her strong personality, overall.

As we predicted, Anamaria's weight came under fire. Her reply? “I’m on a calorie-restricted diet…As a model, I feel like it’s how it should be.” Many clips were played of Anamaria talking about how she has this competition in the bag. “These girls are just small town American girls. I wouldn’t look twice at them on the street.” Then Jay saw her in the photo shoot and said, “I didn’t see a tall, skinny model. I saw bones.” Anamaria was stubborn and uncooperative when Jay kept trying to get her to pose in a way that didn’t make her look starving.

The photo shoot involved modeling in bathing suits with two words painted all over their bodies. One word was supposed to be a word bullies called them, and the other was supposed to be a positive word to counteract it. This anti-bullying PSA had Tyra written all over it. Sure enough, she showed up and revealed her source of childhood shame..again: her big forehead! She wore a T-shirt with “Big Forehead” written on it. Dear Tyra, you should have taken off the “fore.” Then she ripped it off like the superwoman she thinks she is, and it said, “SUPERMODEL TURNED ENTREPRENEUR.” Fair enough. She IS that.

Most of the mean words pertained to the girls’ looks: caspar (for being too white), soup cooler (for big lips), and elf ears. But some girls really laid their hearts before us on national television, revealing that they were things like called stupid and queer (Kayla, duh). Poor little Kayla was in tears. She was bullied so much for coming out in high school that she had to switch schools. Demi Lovato showed up to give a little PSA announcement about bullying. We were disappointed they couldn’t have let her treat the models to some a cappella singing.

At the judging table, we had Nigel (he’s hot), some fat guy one blogger doesn't know (the other blogger, of course, knows the wonderful and talented Andre Leon Talley), Tyra, and Diane von Furstenberg, fashion designer. Is it our imagination, or did Diane look irritated with Tyra at least twice? Our favorite quote from the judging was when Tyra said that Sara looked like a Barbie Doll. “But I want more than a Barbie Doll. I want a high fashion Barbie Doll” Ann was deemed to have the best photo, and Kayla was runner up. Anamaria got a lecture about health, and then the judges showed her the door. They said she was even thinner than the thinnest models working today. Tyra said that leaving her on the show would be a bad influence on young girls.

We think Anamaria was set up to fail from the start. From the first episode, it was obvious that her body was too thin to look attractive in photos. Did the show’s producers pick Anamaria for the top 14 just so they could throw her to make a point and look good?

Well, if kids would have been dumb enough to imitate these models’ life choices, they will be dumb enough to believe the show is genuine and eat “a piece of bread with butter and avocado” (the food recommended to Anamaria by Tyra). Maybe Tyra did a good deed. Maybe she should guest start on another CW show, 90210, and teach those girls a lesson there as well…

Episode Grade- C

Life Unexpected Premiere Review.

We missed this touching family show. Sometimes we like our shows to lack cynicism, a homicidal protagonist, a big geeky endgame, or dry, dark humor. Sometimes. And when we do, we head straight for things like Life Unexpected, since Gilmore Girls is over.

At the end of last season, Baze had just walked in at the end of Cate and Ryan’s wedding, trying to stop it. Cate made the right choice. At the start of the episode, Cate and Ryan had just returned from their honeymoon in Vegas. They took Lux with them. How perfect is Ryan still, letting a 16-year-old come on his honeymoon vacation? Next time Lux whines about what a bad mom Cate is, one blogger will want to remind her that Cate took her to Vegas. One blogger's mom took her SISTER to Vegas…. (Just kidding Mom, you’re better than Cate. Prettier too.)

About six minutes into the episode, a desperate and pathetic Bug attempts to lock Lux down by proposing. Showing a lack of assertiveness that is very realistic for a 16-year-old character, Lux said yes because she had trouble saying no. Meanwhile, Cate and Ryan got a new co-anchor, Kelly, who is a “born-again virgin," and had conservative views on women and marriage. Because this is TV, Kelly was painted as a one-sided, unsympathetic villain from the first moment she was shown. She is the sort of conservative woman who hates women, and Cate was her newest target. Kelly’s role in the episode was to pick apart Cate’s life, saying that if Cate tried to do it all, Cate couldn’t do it well.

Baze had yet to have the awkward “I tried to ruin your new marriage" conversation with Cate, so Cate agreed to meet Baze alone in a park to talk. We don’t think that new co-host is going to have that much trouble picking apart Cate’s marriage. Baze and Cate had an emotional, boring, and predictable fight in which Cate said mean things.

Lux went over to visit Baze. Upon finding out that Baze wasn’t there, she parked herself behind his bar and started serving liquor to the first cute guy who rolled up to the counter. The cute guy, Eric, easily convinced Lux to drive in the middle of the night with him to see the ocean for the first time. His point was that a young girl should not get married if she had not experienced the world yet. Fortunately, Kelly was out of earshot for this particular TV lesson…To make a long, dull story short, Lux ended up kissing Eric. This was not surprising, because it was night, the two were perched on a high platform, and they started playing what we would call “kissing music.”

That night, rather than making sure her daughter (who has a boyfriend she tried to live with and has exhibited poor obedience skills in the past) is really where she said she was going to be, Cate got drunk and complained about Kelly. She told Ryan, “In our marriage, we both wear the pants.” Not to be Kelly or anything, but there is no better way to put a damper on your new marriage than to start emasculating the hubby, even if you’re right. A lot of a guy’s identity goes into “being a man.” If you’re a man too, what’s he got left to do? But it’s Ryan, so he will take it with a smile like the perfect kicked dog he is.

A saddened, abandoned Baze slept with his horribly grating new bartender (Dean’s wife from Gilmore Girls). As she was doing her walk of shame out of the bar (distracted by a cell phone. Girls like that are always messing with a cell phone when they should be paying attention), the bartender threw her cigarette into a trash can, and it caught the whole place on fire. She walked out, still yammering. Don’t smoke, kids. Baze got out of the bar just in time for it to explode a little bit. Finally this show gets some action. All it needs is for Jack Bauer to run in and shoot that stupid bartender in the leg…Baze called Cate during her show, and Cate told Baze that Lux was in the building. Baze ran into the burning building, panicking, to save Lux. Call us softies, but we were touched. Baze has become a real dad. Sadly, Baze is not fireproof and lands in the hospital with second-degree burns that, thankfully, don’t harm his hot face.

Lux showed up at the hospital, lied about where she was, and her excuse was “my phone was dead.” Child, when you stay out all night, bring your phone charger in case your parents notice and start calling. That's Delinquent 101. Cate and Baze had a nice talk at the hospital. Then Cate ruined it by not denying that she would have chosen Baze if he had interrupted the wedding earlier. Lux then saw Bug and took back her “yes.” It must have been seeing the earring and spider web tattoo again that did it. Or maybe it was the fact that when girls have good dads, they don’t have to run off with the first moron who winks at them and gives them a ring…

Now for the end of the episode twists:

Twist 1: Cate got fired, and Ryan knew it was going to happen. Is that right? Also, Ryan loses any points he might have had from us for his Robin Williams impression (Good Morning Portlaaaaaaaaaaaand) and for his fake, manipulative speech on the first broadcast without Cate. We guess Ryan isn’t a perfect kicked dog after all. And this plotline may open up new opportunities to develop the Cate character in the future. Cate, Kelly told us to tell you that at least you have a husband now who can support you during your time of unemployment!

Twist 2: Eric is Lux’s English teacher.

Twist 3: Stupid bartender is Ryan’s sister who is back in town. Ughhhh. Oh well. Last year, the NY Times reported that over a thousand people went to the emergency room for “accidents that occurred through texting while walking.” Maybe stupid bartender will be next.

Episode grade: B

"My Boys" is over

The show has been cancelled. One of the bloggers is sad, one is happy. Very happy. That show was laaaaaaaaame.

-Ern

Recap of the (series) finale:

This blogger didn't know it would be the last episode of My Boys before watching it, but it definitely felt like a series finale. Mike got married (!!!!!), Kenny is going to London with Stephanie, Brendan bought Crowley's (!!!), and PJ decided her friends are more important than her own front page column. Not much else happened, but it definitely showed how each character has grown up ... which explains why the episode was called "My Men". We probably should've known it was a series finale based on the title.

Overall, this season was pretty boring. It was all about the characters maturing which, though makes us proud of them, doesn't make for the best television. My Boys has never been Emmy-worthy, but it did have the benefit of being aired during the summer, when there's nothing else on. It consistently made one of the bloggers laugh, and for that, it will be missed.

Finale Grade: A

Season Grade: B-

Series Grade: A-

-Leeard

J-Lo is the new American Idol judge

Jennifer Lopez seems too normal to be a judge in our opinion. We don't need another Randy. But we'll see...

Weeds- “Bliss” episode review

Dear Weeds, nobody cares about Doug. Also, we had our filler hotel episode last week, and we want something to happen already. On that note, thanks for this episode’s ending! It’s about time cops caught Nancy, but we feel bad that they caught Andy too.

At the start of the episode, Shane was lamenting that Nancy was a bad influence to her new baby. “You’re not a bad influence because you’re a drug dealer. You’re a bad influence because you’re a BAD drug dealer.” Cue laughter from Andy. Nancy made a deal with the hotel concierge to deal hash to the guests.

Shane took the baby, met a group of mothers at a park, told them his little brother was actually his baby, and tried to bond. One of the mothers busted him on one of his lies though, so I guess he will have to make new, more appropriate friends.

Silas, in an attempt to regain his manhood after last week, starting hanging around a college campus, pretending to go there, and hooking up with college girls.

Doug led Esteban’s men to a homeless man who had found Andy’s old cell phone that Andy ditched. The homeless man is now homeless AND dead.

Andy had just been promoted to sous-chef at the hotel, and he was looking to keep his job and do well at it. “This is my Eat Pray Love moment. This is my bliss,” he said. But Nancy needed cooking oil to get more supply from a couple of lesbian hippies, so he went with her. As he and Nancy exited the hippies’ house with their supply, they were confronted by cops.

Definitely a filler, but Weeds sure knows how to redeem an episode with a cliffhanger ending.

Episode Grade- C

Gossip Girl Spoilers

-Juliet will offer to help Nate win Serena back. Her plan is to get Dan and Vanessa back together, thus removing Dan as competition for Serena.

-However, the Dan and Serena story has been officially “reactivated” and dealing with them is going to turn into a bigger story.

-The finale had a life-changing effect on Jenny, and when she returns in episode seven, she will be very different. But her return will bring drama. Doesn’t sound that different to me….

-Episode seven will feature Tim Gunn as a party guest, and the drama mentioned above involves Chuck and Blair.

-Blair will try to get into an exclusive social club at Columbia.

-Serena will suspect that Juliet is trying to sabotage her life. Looks like Serena has a new enemy who isn’t Blair (good).

Gossip Girl- Belles De Jour premiere review

We did not like this episode of Gossip Girl. It focused primarily on yet another rivalry between Blair and Serena, caused by the fact that Blair is jealous of her own best friend. If Serena were as mature as she appears, she would phase this girl out of her life. This song-and-dance is getting old. Premieres are supposed to sate us after a summer of waiting, and this did not. There was nothing here that we didn't read in the spoilers and magazines weeks ago.

Blair and Serena spent the summer in Paris, and Gossip Girl is judging the fun they are having by how many hookups they’ve engaged in: Serena= a lot. Blair= none. Quelle surprise. When Blair reads that her summer is a failure on Gossip Girl (even though she's in Paris, shopping, with lots of culture and dining), she laments that she will just being “going home with a Chuck-sized cloud over her head.” We would like a Chuck-sized cloud over OUR heads, thanks. That sounds dirty, and we meant it to, even though it probably makes no sense. We just miss Chuck!

But Blair’s taste in art, and her surprisingly excellent French, lands her a date with a hot guy named “Louise,” who pretends to be a driver, but is really a prince of Monaco. He wanted to see if Blair would like him for himself. It’s superficial Blair, so obviously she failed the test by fighting over Serena’s date, the real driver (who Blair thought was the real prince). Then Blair learned that Serena would be going to Columbia University in the fall, where she could overshadow Blair even more, and she pushed her in a fountain. We are so glad that Serena and Blair will be attending the same school. It was boring and useless having Serena take a year off to whine, crush on a married man, and watch other people having their lives. But now we have all the characters in the same area.

We miss Chuck and Blair, but Blair is a better person with Chuck. That is less entertaining. The highlight of the night was seeing her push her frenemy into a fountain, even though it was plastered all over the advertisements so we had already seen it.

Other goings-on-

Nate: He’s been dating vapid hot girls all summer from Chuck’s Little Black Book. You’d probably get an STD just from opening it. Luckily, Nate meets a gorgeous smart girl named Juliet Sharp (who looks like she could be 30 years old). We know she was smart, because she had a book when Nate met her, and she was a little mean to him. Nate was instantly attracted. Girls, this does not work in real life. In the end, Juliet gave Nate her number, but we saw a glimpse of her hotel room. All of her expensive clothes still have the tags (gasp!) and she has a crazy conspiracy map that could have come straight out of the movie “A Beautiful Mind,” with all the Gossip Girl leads’ faces pinned to it.

Dan: Dan kept his baby with Georgina a secret from his father, until Georgina showed up at a Waldorf party with little Milo in tow. The poor thing kind of looks like Georgina. Georgina left town in the end…and left Dan with Milo. Good riddance.

Vanessa: Still useless. She lost a ton of weight, probably to attain her prize role in Piranha 3D. She DID remind Dan to get a paternity test. Dan is an idiot for not doing it sooner. He and Vanessa deserve each other…

Chuck: He must really want to start over, and we don’t blame him. He’s made more mistakes in his young life than most people have who are twice his age. After getting shot, he washed up in France and was nursed back to health by Harry Potter’s Clemence Posey, who is funny-looking if you ask me. However, Chuck must like her, because he is staying with her in France, claiming his name is “Henry.” At the end of the episode, Lily learned that he had been shot. No one had heard from him all summer. We hate that Chuck has someone and Blair doesn't. It should be the other way around.

Jenny: Still gone. Yay!

Episode grade: D

True Blood Finale Review - Evil is Going On

Why is the picture boring? Because the season was boring.

After this dud of a season, we had forgotten what a decent True Blood episode was like. Now that we saw one in last night’s finale though, we are anxious for the next season. A ton happened, and it set up a lot of possibly interesting storylines, like “bad Sam,” “witches,” and “single Sookie.” Maybe a little TOO much happened, making the finale seem overpacked and choppy. The episode also lacked shocking moments. We could have written in ourselves, it was so predictable. Part of True Blood's appeal is that it delivers gross, weird, or shocking moments. This episode just tied up all the season's loose ends. We liked the writing and dialogue though.

We loved when Sookie dumped the gory remains of Russell’s annoying lover down the garbage disposal in front of him, but she seemed to enjoy it too much. A lot of her lines seemed out of character, and maybe she has a right to be angry, but Sookie is getting a little mean.

We were disappointed in Lafayette’s storyline this season, but it looks like the show is setting him up for a good one next year. We guess it’s time some people had a dull storyline, just living their lives. We are liking his boyfriend so far.

One of us may have jumped from team Eric to team Alcide, because he was looking nice when he showed up midway through the episode. Too bad Sookie had to ruin it by shutting him down when he made a move on her. We hope he comes back. And we’re kind of glad Eric isn’t real so that there is no chance of us ticking him off and getting encased in cement for a hundred years. Kind of. He IS pretty hot.

The biggest surprise of the night, for us, was watching Sam shoot his little half brother over stealing his money. We wonder if Sam only winged him or if he is really dead. Despite Sam’s abrupt change from the nice guy we love at the end of this season, he gets points for telling Tara he is a shapeshifter. He’s not ashamed anymore.

The two most touching moments for us were Tara’s last words to her mother and Bill’s last words to Sookie. Tara’s mother was sleeping with the minister, waiting for him to leave his wife. “I’m finally gonna be happy, Tara,” she said. There was a moment’s pause while Tara had what Oprah would call an “Aha Moment." Sitting around and waiting for something in the world or someone to make you happy isn’t going to work, and it’s what Tara had been doing with men and friends and booze all her life. Tara wished her mom luck, sincerely, and apparently left town. Before she left, she gave herself a haircut we don’t like at all. Tara, never cut your own hair. One of the bloggers did it once, and it was an even worse disaster, because she didn’t have the True Blood hair-and-makeup team.

After Sookie dumped both Bill and Eric, Eric was relaxed, letting Sookie know he was sorry and telling Bill he wanted his cell phone back in the same minute. Love him. He is consistently practical and hilarious. But Bill declared his love and (earlier) his desire to protect Sookie by killing everyone who might want to drink Sookie. One writer has never been a big Bill fan, finding him possessive and pathetic, but we must say, we felt sorry for him here. We loved when he took on Evan Rachel Wood’s queen at the end of the episode (“I’ve got nothing left to lose”). The episode ended, lamely, with Sookie joining the fairies.

Episode grade: B
Season grade: C

This week's returning and premiering shows (Monday to Saturday)

Shows covered by this blog are in red

Monday-
90210 at 8. (The CW)
Gossip Girl at 9 (The CW)

Tuesday-
One Tree Hill at 8 (The CW)
Life Unexpected at 9 (The CW)
Parenthood at 10 (NBC)

Wednesday-
Survivor: Nicaragua at 8 (CBS)

Thursday-
It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia at 10 (FX)
The Apprentice at 10 (NBC)
The League at 10:30 p.m.

There's only one new show premiering this week: Outlaw. Wednesday at 10 (NBC). Here's the trailer if you are looking for a new show to check out. The trailer doesn't have us super-excited, but we are going to watch it anyway. If you decide not to watch it, we will let you know how it was.

Follow-up note: It was not good^ So not good that we can't be bothered to write a full review. Just trust us.