The Office - Goodbye, Michael Scott

Photo credit- jeffdoe. This episode was surprisingly touching. With the mean-spirited handling of Michael at times during this series, we half expected the show to kill Michael off or do something else darkly funny.

Let’s go to the chat. We’ve had to write enough posts today, haha.

Leeard (10:36:38 AM): I'm seriously sobbing. Have you seen The Office yet?
Ern (10:36:46 AM): No. I’ll turn it on in a minute. The Office is sad?
Leeard (10:36:54 AM): Big, fat racking sobs
Ern (10:36:58 AM): Wow
Leeard (10:37:05 AM): Well, it's Michael's last episode!
Ern (10:37:15 AM): Nooooo. Too soon.
Leeard (10:37:32 AM): I knooooooow! I started crying from the very beginning
Ern (10:44:23 AM): You're a crazy person
Leeard (10:44:32 AM): It's his last episode!! It’s sad!!
Ern (10:48:50 AM): Did you watch South Park?
Leeard (10:48:56 AM): Yes. And I am forever disturbed.
Ern (10:49:43 AM): Ok, Office time
Leeard (10:51:18 AM): Full. Baby. Sobs.
Ern (10:51:32 AM): Lameo
Leeard (10:51:50 AM): If you don't even tear up, I don't think I want to be your friend
Ern (10:51:58 AM): We will see, and too bad, you will have to be my friend anyway
Leeard (10:56:21 AM): WOW I haven't cried that hard in a while
Ern (10:57:07 AM): Six minutes in and still not crying
Leeard (10:57:18 AM): That's fine
Leeard (11:00:29 AM): Ugh I hate crying headaches
Ern (11:00:38 AM): CRYING HEADACHES? What the **** are those?
Leeard (11:00:51 AM): .... the headache you get after crying?
Ern (11:01:06 AM): That sounds like an illness. I’ve never had that.
Leeard (11:01:18 AM): Then you've never cried really hard.
Ern (11:01:26 AM): Yes, I have
Leeard (11:02:19 AM): http://www.livestrong.com/article/355226-why-do-you-get-a-headache-after-crying/
Ern (11:03:27 AM): Yet another reason to suck it up after you indulge the first four tears or so
Leeard (11:03:52 AM): Um no, letting it out is a lot better than bottling it up inside
Ern (11:04:11 AM): You can dance it out
Leeard (11:04:28 AM): Maybe YOU can
Ern (11:04:36 AM): I can and I do. It isn’t pretty though, because I suck at dancing. I love Creed. He needs more airtime. I’m feeling bad for Gabe, surprisingly.
Leeard (11:08:54 AM): meh
Ern (11:09:16 AM): Toby found Michael another Toby! It IS a dark ending!
Leeard (11:09:23 AM): Ha, I know
Ern (11:11:33 AM): Did you cry when Michael tried to make that basket? Because that was painful.
Leeard (11:11:36 AM): Ha no
Ern (11:14:28 AM): You don't need a mom, because you have my number
Leeard (11:15:15 AM): Did you even tear up at that part?
Ern (11:15:34 AM): No, not even a little.
(Time passes while we argue about the iPhone, etc)
Ern (11:25:19 AM): Why is Jim crying over Michael? I didn’t know he liked him that much.

Ern must say, the feeling you get when you almost tear up (the pre-tearing, we guess you could say), came around as Michael took off his microphone and walked off to board his plane. It was really sweet that Pam made it too. Leeard was yelling at the screen about that until Pam shower up at the airport. Sweet episode. And Deangelo’s battle with the cake was great. He needs to be gone soon though.

Episode grade: B+

Bye Michael. Catch you on the flippity flop.

Grey's Anatomy - It's a Long Way Back

We’re starting to hate Teddy. No offense to the actress, but she’s too harsh-looking. Ladies, as you get older, it actually helps to not be stick-skinny. You need some meat in your face. Also, Teddy is not teaching Cristina, which is the point of Teddy’s existence, as far as we are concerned. How big can your ego get? And finally, she keeps stopping by Scott Foley’s apartment after her dates with other men. Why does she do that? Predictably, the therapist who helped the staff with their trauma from last year’s finale is back to pick things up with Teddy again. This will form a love triangle, but since no one likes Teddy or the therapist, and Scott Foley is probably on his way off the show, we are pretty sure this isn’t Derek/Meredith/Addison part two or anything. WHY?

Another “why” is WHY did the show name Callie/Arizona/Mark’s baby Sofia. That name (and variations of that name) is hugely popular right now. It’s as common as baby “Ashleys” were in 1987. Way to just pander to the audience and not be creative, show.

This episode spanned 12 weeks. After a stupid fake-out scare during Sofia’s heart surgery, we found out that the baby is fine and is going to live. After some sobbing and other histrionics, Callie took her home. It was really cute how the residents snuck her out of her hospital room to see Sofia for the first time though. And it was cool how Stark let Arizona be in the operating room. We loved when Cristina told Callie that the baby wasn’t cute yet. Basically, we loved how the storyline brought out stuff in the other characters.

Meredith and Derek finally let Adele into their trial. Meredith, feeling compassion for Adele and a duty to do all she could for the chief, swapped the placebo that Adele was intended to receive and put in the real drug. Uh oh…might there be consequences for that? It’s been too long since Meredith was in hot water. We don’t really care about Adele though. We don’t like the way the actress plays her and we actually don’t respect her for pretending she didn’t know about Richard’s affair for 20 years.

The storyline we didn’t like, but we know is just an excuse for Meredith to adopt a black baby? Alex trying to become chief resident by flying young African kids for surgeries. He set up the program with no way to pay for it, committing fraud. This is so not like Alex to be that stupid. That’s an Izzie move. If he had gone to jail, we would have felt no sympathy. Fortunately, the mean old lady he was treating died and left him $200,000. He was extremely inappropriate with that woman. We don’t approve.

Also, Stark is particularly cold toward April for not being romantically interested in him. And that’s why you don’t lead a single guy on, go out on dates with him, or hang out with him excessively if you don’t want him romantically. That’s pretty much what the guy is thinking about, even the airhead girl is thinking, “We’re just good FRIENDS.” Save yourself the awkwardness. There are plenty of hot guys to be friends with.

We call this episode a filler.

Thus, episode grade: C+

South Park - The HumanCentiPad

Was South Park too disgusting this week?

Kyle’s mouth was fastened to the anus of an Asian man, and a woman’s mouth was, in turn, surgically fastened to Kyle’s anus. When the Asian man ate, well, you know. This was a scheme by Apple to turn the three humans into a hot new device that would put their newest iPad to shame. The HumancentiPad. This is a parody of the movie The Human Centipede, which was also nasty.

The episode was pretty gross. Leeard almost vomited. But Ern laughed hysterically and loved it.

Kyle hit “accept” on an iTunes update’s “Terms and Conditions” without reading it. Who does? He signed over his rights to not be turned into the humancentiPad. Because of Apple’s location technology, the company was able to track him down, kidnap him, and force him to deliver. Mr. Broflovski had to go with Kyle’s friends to the Apple store “Geniuses” to get his son back. The parody of the nerds working there was pretty great.

The whole time, both of us were thinking, “Wow, Kyle’s dad is a terrible lawyer.” Contracts made with minors are voidable. Plus, those standard form contracts that you have to accept or you don’t get to use a product aren’t as enforceable as you think, especially if they get ridiculous. The courts will side with the consumer. But we digress.

The funniest plot for us was Cartman’s need of an iPad. His mother would only by him a Toshiba Handibook, so Cartman accused his mother of…uh…screwing him. Only not that word. When Cartman’s chance to own the Kyle-Pad device fell through when Kyle’s dad got his son back. Cartman accused God of the same thing he accused his mother of, so God struck him on the butt with a bolt of lightning.

Leeard did not think that the episode parodied recent enough things. The prank Apple pulled on the terms & conditions was last year, as was The Human Centipede. Ern loved it, because she’s not a huge fan of Apple. The iTunes store gyps you. Let us introduce you to a little thing called “Amazon MP3 Store.” It goes right into your iTunes, it’s cheaper, and you can transfer it to your computer without having to authorize the computer. Ern would take a Mac though…. That’s a special note for the random millionaire who might read this blog and wants to treat us :)

Leeard’s grade: B-
Ern’s grade: A-

The Vampire Diaries - The Last Day recap/review

Photo credit to Biddi2. We are so in love with Damon after this episode. We love what this storyline is doing to him. But will he transform into too much of a good guy as the show goes on? We kind of like him as an angsty jerk. It’s entertaining. He pretty much sacrificed himself to Klaus for the chance of getting Elena back (by telling Klaus that his plan was caput). But was it? No. Because this show doesn’t make things that easy. And we love it for that.

Rewind to the beginning. Elijah’s plan to save Elena’s life involves a potion created by witches a loooong time ago. If Elena drinks it before the ritual, even though Klaus will drink all her blood and kill her, the potion will bring her back to life. We were skeptical, because that seems too easy. Plus, that sounds like something Elijah would just make up to get his way. Even Elijah admitted that the potion might not still work. Stefan and Elena want to believe in the potion, so they do. Damon went nuts. He doesn’t believe in Santa Claus.

Elena went to comfort Damon, and Damon forced her to drink his blood. Stefan came in and the two brothers fought. Damon stabbed Stefan in the stomach and ran off. Elena was angry. We think this is a pretty fool-proof plan though. When Klaus drinks Elena up and she dies, she will just come back as a vampire. Go Damon. But Elena wanted to grow up, have kids, and live a partially normal life, so it looks like she is going to have trouble forgiving Damon. We loved her reaction to this. It was heartbreaking, true, and very mature. You forget that she’s 17 until she verbally reminds you. Stefan tried to be comforting.

Klaus’ new witch pushed Carol Lockwood down the stairs to get Tyler back to Mystic Falls. It worked. Jules brought Tyler back to visit Mommy in the hospital. Leeard literally screamed “Tyler’s back!” in her apartment. Ern is still mad at him for hesitating to save Caroline. Neither of us has missed Jules at all, and this episode gives us hope that she will be dead soon. Klaus’ team captured Caroline and Tyler to be the sacrifices. Damon went to the bar and sulked about how he lost Elena’s respect…again. But then he decides to free Klaus’ vampire and werewolf sacrifices so that Klaus has to postpone the sacrifice. Then the blood will leave her system and they can go back to the Santa Claus plan Elena and Elijah had. He found out where Klaus was keeping his victims by asking Katherine. They were being kept in the tomb (of course).

Matt, meanwhile, has stopped working with Sheriff Mommy and has started to believe that vampire Caroline is still the Caroline he loves. When he found out that Caroline had been caught, he showed up at the tomb carrying a shotgun with wooden bullets. He shot Klaus’ witch as the witch was confronting Damon. NICE. Matt is so much hotter now (which we thought wasn't possible). Damon knocked him out, saved Caroline and Tyler (who made up, by the way), revived Matt, and ran away with the three younglings.

As they ran, Tyler started to turn into a werewolf. He bit Damon, mid-transformation. We guess this means that we get to find out how a werewolf bite is cured, because there is no way that Damon is dying. Matt and Caroline locked themselves in the Lockwood basement where Tyler transformed last time, in order to protect themselves. Klaus had already taken Elena. Damon went to Klaus’ apartment to tell him that his plan was ruined, but of course Klaus had a plan B. Werewolf B? Jules. Vampire B? Not Damon, because of the werewolf bite rendering him useless in Klaus’ plans. It’s Jenna, who is in transition. WHOA. Our minds were effectively blown. Only two episodes left....

Episode Grade: A. Obviously.

Questions: Are you as excited for the finale as we are? Does Elena’s impending vampirism take away most of the sacrifice’s risk? I mean, who cares about Jenna and Jules dying? Do you think the show would make Elena a vampire this early in the series? Will Katherine die this season? And why does Damon EVER wear a shirt?

America's Next Top Model 4/27/11

We've gotten more hits from the search "America’s Next Top Model, Alexandria" than just about anything for the last month, so we get the message. Our readers want an ANTM post. You're right, it's been too long.

Goodbye to Kasia. Not that it was a surprise. We have complained before that this show gives away who they are going to kick off by showing them bragging about their talents in their talking heads. The winner of this show is almost never seen boasting in a talking head. This means that we can rule out Alexandria as a winner. But we are still rooting for her, because this show needs an upset FOR ONCE.

We suspect that the show asks the girls questions to get them talking in their interviews. They want to paint the winner as likeable so the audience will accept the winner. They probably asked Kasia a simple question like, “What are your strengths? What are the things that would make you beat the other girls, if you did.” They all answer. If they are to be America’s Next Top Model, their answers are stored in Tyra’s vault. If they are not, the viewers get to see these responses before the girls are sent home.

They are also pumping forgettable Hannah. We are envisioning a Brittani or Hannah win. Because of Alexandria’s popularity and drama potential, she will be in the top three and maybe even the top two. This show never picks the bitchy girl. If Alexandria actually won, it would be a shock, and we would like the show more.

We are forgetting someone. Oh, Molly. Molly, Molly, Molly. So pretty and a decent model. But she has such a bad attitude, and she has had it from day one. She says it’s because she’s adopted. We don’t really mind her. Usually when she complains, we agree with her. But you can’t win the show with a ‘tude like that.

The girls’ house in Morocco is gorgeous. Who cares if you have to share a bed? Seriously, that just became our dream house. The photo shoot involves the girls in the desert, original for Morocco, on camels, in fabulous Aladdin-style clothing. Molly got best photo, but Brittani also did well. Hannah does alright. Alexandria and Kasia stink up the joint. Alexandria didn’t click with the photographer, so she got accused of directing the photo shoot. Um, she was directing herself. Not fair this time, but the judges fear the trend of Alexandria coming across badly on set.

Some woman from Vogue sits on the judging panel. Yeah, we don’t care enough to look her name up. We don’t care enough about fashion that we will never be able to afford unless we are a) really rich one day and b) greedy, vain douchebags. We watch this show for the hilarity. Although we never say no to the cute stuff they sell at Target. Can we get an Amen? Like we said in the beginning, Kasia goes home.

Episode Grade: A-

Also, if you want to see America's Next Top Model pictures from the photo shoots of this year and years past, we like to go here. It looks like they posted some of the photos from next week, so tread carefully if you don't want spoilers. Or try to pick the girl going home from the pictures. We think Alexandria has the best market photo. Is it Hannah or Brittani's time to go?

Casey Went Home

Casey will not be the next American Idol. It should have been Lusk. :(

Leeard is sad, but Ern has seen this coming since the top 12. And he has been voted off once.

Still, it should have been Lusk.

Glee - Born This Way recap/review

During a Glee dance rehearsal, Finn breaks Rachel’s nose. Rachel’s doctor suggests that she get a nose job, because it might make her prettier and allow her to get more air down so that she can be a better singer. Is that possible? Because we’re pretty sure her voice can’t be improved. It’s one of the greatest things our ears have ever had the pleasure of being exposed to. On that note, more Rachel singing please, show. And another Rachel/Blaine duet is a must.

Rachel falls for it though and announces to the Glee club that she’s getting a nose job. Santana gives her take, which is that if you don’t like something about yourself you should change it. She also described what she thinks are the physical deficiencies of the rest of the Glee club. Our favorite line? “Maybe Rachel’s fine with having an enormous beak. Maybe she needs it to crack hard seeds.” Is this an anti-bullying show or a show that bullies for laughs and then hypocritically denounces it? We don’t care, because Santana is funny. And she’s keeping it real.

This shocks Will, and he points out that the things we like to change are the most interesting parts. He meets with Emma for ideas, and she utters the words “born this way,” so he thinks he needs to bring Gaga back to the show. Emma expresses discomfort with the term OCD, even though she is clearly OCD, and Will thinks she needs to accept it.

Santana, meanwhile, plots to become prom queen so that she could get Brittany to date her. She resolves to lock down the “jock block.” She deems Sam too unpopular to pull it off for her (although his Sean Connery was very funny, and we love how nerdy he is), so she sets her sights on Karofsky, just after noticing that he is gay when he walked past her and checked out Sam's butt. She decides to use this knowledge to get Kurt back to McKinley High so that she could become the hero everyone would vote for.

Will announces that this week’s assignment is “acceptance,” namely, self-acceptance. The kids were to sing Lady Gaga, the so-called “queen of self-acceptance” and they also had to make white t-shirts with a word or phrase on them that they have been mocked for, but is part of who they are. We have a problem with Gaga being labeled the “queen of self-acceptance,” because of how she treats her body. We love us some Gaga, own her songs, and would kill to go to her concert, but we don’t like the way she buys into the weight-loss thing. Also, she has confessed to doing cocaine. If you respect your body, you don’t destroy it. Pop stars SHOULD eat. She’s molding her body to fit the norm so that she can be as famous as possible. It’s a good career tactic, but it’s not self-acceptance.

Will was disappointed that Emma put “Ginger” on her shirt when she should have put OCD. Well, Will, we are made at you for not putting “Horrible Rapper” on your shirt. So there. Zizes and Puck start conspiring to make Zizes prom queen rather than Quinn. Rachel takes Quinn to her plastic surgeon so that he can make mock-ups of what Rachel will look like with Quinn’s nose. They sing a mash-up of TLC’s “Unpretty” and “I Feel Pretty” from West Side Story, which are both good songs. We liked this number. Every girl has felt both extremes, no matter what they look like, and we think that duet would resonate with the audience. Including TLC gets an automatic A from Leeard, and this is one of her favorite songs.

Quinn and Zizes get into it over who should be prom queen, and things got a little personal. Santana confronts Karofsky about being gay and he crumbles. Favorite character status reached. They reach a deal to become each other’s beards and win prom king and queen. “The only straight I am is straight-up bitch,” Santana said, threatening to out Karofsky if he didn’t play along. Oh Santana, don’t you think it’s weird to have a prom queen who looks 40 years old? Santana makes a plan to implement an anti-bullying movement at the school and convinces Karofsky to apologize to Kurt so that Kurt can feel safe to come back to the school.

Finn sings Sammy Davis Jr.’s “I Gotta Be Me,” and it was surprisingly not terrible. A fun number. Not a favorite though and it went on a little too long. Rachel shows the Glee club the compositions of her with a small nose. We thought it looked really awkward, and no one in the Glee club thought it “looked like her.” Finn said, “Rachel, please don’t do this. You’re beautiful.” Quinn was not a fan of that statement.

Will convinces Emma to see a shrink (hats off to Will, for once), and the shrink gives her a pill and sets an appointment for next week. Glee addresses the stigma of mental illness. What social cause can this show pick up next? Santana and Karofsky personally start enforcing the no-bullying rule, so Kurt is able to come back to McKinley. His condition is that he and Karofsky start a chapter of PFLAG at the school so that Karofsky can be educated about gay people. The Warblers show up and sing Kurt goodbye. It’s “Somewhere Only We Know,” and it’s a wonderful rendition, but we weren’t crazy about the placement or the staging. It just could have been used better, especially since the vocals were great.

Kurt sings Barbra’s “As If We Never Said Goodbye,” and it’s one of our favorite songs by him. We love when he does big Broadway numbers. It fit really well and it was sweet. Kurt has gotten better at singing this season. We feel like we are really starting to see all the Glee gay rights and anti-bullying stuff pay off emotionally with this episode. Side note: We kind of like Karofsky’s dad. There are a lot of great dads on this show.

Zizes and Puck dredge up a middle school yearbook showing that Quinn wasn’t born beautiful. She was chubby and big-nosed, and her name was Lucy. Also, she had dark hair, braces, and glasses. Poor Quinn! She got into sports, got a nose job, and reinvented herself. Zizes papers the entire school with the truth. This makes us like and understand Quinn more. It can be hell to be ugly and unpopular in middle or high school. Puck takes Rachel to the mall to meet Kurt where people dance to Duck Soup’s “Barbra Streisand,” which convinces Rachel to not get a nose job. Hated that. We really liked this storyline, and we wish it had ended more subtly and poignantly.

Finn is sweet to Quinn about the Lucy thing. The people of the school like that she used to be ugly, so Quinn is still in the running for prom queen after all. Zizes apologizes to Quinn for what she did. Brittany and Santana have a sweet moment. Will reveals that he is self-conscious about his “butt chin” by putting that on his shirt. The gang sings Lady Gaga’s "Born This Way". It’s a great homage to the song and it make us like the song better. This episode was a lot better than last week’s.

Did you like the episode too? What would your t-shirt say? Do you think Kurt’s hair was a little too crazy in places?

Episode Grade: A-

The CW renews some shows

http://blog.cwtv.com/2011/04/26/the-cw-announces-early-pickups-for-five-series-for-the-2011-2012-season/

Game of Thrones Episode 2

We must say, this series has got to be a lot better if you HAVEN’T read the books. And unless you have the time on your hands, the series might be a better option for you. The books are Long with a capital “L.” One of us has read them and wishes she knew there was going to be a TV series.

We love to read, but TV is so much easier. It’s a pretty high compliment to this series that we can say that it’s equal to the books because, while a little slow, they are pretty good.

“I love when people say that they don’t have a TV and that they read. I say, ‘I have you seen TV? It’s much better.” – Jim Gaffigan.

What happened this week? About 100 pages worth of stuff, and it wasn’t all that earth-shattering. Lots of people were upset by the ending, but we’ll get to that. We’ve decided that this show demands at least short recaps, because it gets complex later, and everything seems to happen so quietly unless it’s violence or sex.

We’re not digging the show’s treatment of the Daenerys storyline so far. The book actually had less forced doggy-style sex between Daenerys and her new husband. What she did last night (making the sex good for herself), she did right away. She was into it. Maybe HBO just couldn’t resist messed-up titillation? Like rape and women practicing sex on each other. But we are glad to see that the rape portion of this storyline is over. Daenerys gets way cooler. She’s not a victim, and we don’t like to see her portrayed that way.

Catelyn Stark, meanwhile, moans and groans about her husband leaving to be the king’s hand, and then dredges up the past by talking about his bastard son. You know, just to make their farewell special. Eddard Stark leaves with fat King Robert, taking his daughters, Arya and Sansa.

Catelyn refuses to leave Bran. Bran survived being pushed out the window, but he lies in his bed, unconscious and recovering. Obviously, the incestuous Lannisters want him dead before he wakes up and talks about how they do the nasty when no one is looking. So they sent an assassin to kill Bran. Catelyn Stark and Bran’s direwolf fight the assassin off/kill him together. Catelyn figures out who done it, and she decides to ride to her husband to warn him that the Lannisters are evil. Before the end of the episode, Bran wakes up.

Because Jon Snow is Eddard’s bastard, his destiny is to go serve on the Wall. The Wall is sort of a barrier between Eddard’s kingdom and the wilderness were all sorts of nasty is rumored to live. We know the rumors are true, because of the first scene of the first episode where a bunch of people got beheaded. Tyrion the Lannister dwarf (and Ern’s favorite character) decides to ride with Jon and check out the wall. Tyrion and Jon seem to be making friends. Riding with them are a bunch of criminals. They could choose between castration and serving at the Wall for life, and they chose the Wall, an uncommon choice. The Wall must really suck.

During the trip to King’s Landing (where King Robert lives, duh), Prince Joffrey tries to woo Sansa. It’s easy. Sansa is kind of lame at this point in the story. While walking together and drinking booze, Sansa and Joffrey came across Arya practicing sword-fighting with a butcher’s son. Joffrey decides to mock them. He challenges the butcher’s son to a duel, even though Joffrey has a real sword and the other boy has a stick. Arya protests, everyone gets into a surprisingly bad ass fight (as it’s between children). But then things get too serious when Arya’s direwolf takes a chunk out of Joffrey’s arm.

Joffrey took it like your average spoiled brat, crying in the dirt. Arya sent her direwolf away, and Sansa’s direwolf had to be killed by Eddard Stark to appease Cersei Lannister, Joffrey’s mom. Totally unfair.

And all the people watching apparently freaked out that a dog was killed on the show. We’ve heard several people say that they would rather see a human killed than an animal. We disagree. If the off-screen, fictional killing of a dog is too much for you, then you might want to steer clear of this show. The deaths and shockers haven’t even begun yet.

But this show is going to be around for a while, so we think that anyone remotely interested should get into it.

Episode grade: B+

Short reviews for this week (for the shows we didn't much talk about in big posts)

One of the bloggers went home this weekend for Easter and has limited internet access, so this week’s short reviews will be few, because the other blogger’s TV viewing won’t be added. We watch many of the same shows, of course. In case you were wondering, she didn't like this weeks' Bones, pronouncing it "weird."

How I Met Your Mother
Barney and his dad lie to each other in order to bond. One of us thinks this show is getting really old and boring. It is at its best when it reaches into the past, references older episodes, or has flashbacks. The current action isn’t humorous. That said, we mildly enjoyed this episode. John Lithgow always does a good job. B+

The United States of Tara
Char finally had her baby. Meh. B-

Modern Family
This week was one of the funniest in a while. We love Phil and Luke. A

Cougar Town (both episodes from this week)
We’re glad this show is back, but these weren’t outstanding episodes. B

Breaking In
Not as good as the pilot and subsequent episode, but still amusing. B

Community
Jeff’s speeches always say it all. And we enjoyed the Pierce/Abed love montage. A funny episode with a little heart that reminded us of some of the year’s high points. A-

Parks and Recreation
YES, Ron, burgers are better. This episode was a great example of just how funny this show can be. We couldn’t be any more in love with it than after this week? A

The Office
“I’ve fallen, and I can’t get up.” No, that statement isn’t about the show (it’s about Phyllis). The show proved that it can still "get up" and be funny this week, with its biting Dundies and sweet pre-farewell to Michael. Much better than last week. And Will Ferrell was tolerable. B+

The Vampire Diaries
It’s The Vampire Diaries, a show that flat-out refuses to churn out stupid plotlines, boring side-stories, or episodes that are a waste of time, so you know it’s going to get some kind of A. How high of an A? We loved meeting Klaus. And Damon’s concern for Elena and desperation for her to respect him upped the central triangle up a notch. A+

Fringe
It’s the beginning of the end. It’s about time. This show keeps messing with our emotions, making Faux-Livia so admirable. But we like it. B+

American Idol Top 7 and Modern Family this week

How cute were the montages where the contestants made fun of each other? Casey, James, Scotty and Lauren have a surprising flair for comedy. The performances were good too, with the exception of "So What?" done by the eliminated contestants. That mess wasn't even a hot mess. It was pitchy, disorganized, it hurt our ears, and it ensured us that the right people have been going home.

From worst-to-best:

Jacob Lusk, "Dance with my Father" - When he holds a straight note that isn't a belt, his voice goes into goat warble. You know you're in trouble when you have to play the dead dad card for sympathy votes. He's not good when he's all over the place and he's boring when he's not. Unless he can find a happy medium, and soon, he deserves to go home. "Grace" by Jeff Buckley might be a good song for this guy though. If he promised not to ruin it. Performance grade: D

Lauren Alaina, "Born to Fly" - Aww, we love this song. But Sara Evans has a much more powerful voice than nervous-bird Alaina. She DOES have a big note somewhere. But her very young age is starting to show. This was a forgettable song choice and performance. She's good, but the competition is starting to overwhelm her. We don't blame her. That looks really hard. She didn't mess this song up, but at this point in the competition, and with this group, it needs to be more than adequate. Performance grade: C

Scotty McCreery, "Swingin'"- Our next American Idol played it safe, but it was pleasant. We think he's getting better and more able to stay on pitch. Performance grade: B-

James Durbin, "Uprising" - Did anyone else find this screechy, tuneless, and extremely strange? We love the weirdness, but we weren't into the singing, and we are certified James Durbin fans. Bring back the heavy metal, James. B-

Stefano Langone, "Closer" - We know, you are gasping that we are ranking Stefano so high on this list. But his nasal quality was minimal this week. We didn't even notice it. He DID take his time on the verses. We aren't digging the "sexy flirt" persona, mostly because Stefano is not hot. But that was a pretty perfect rendition of the song. B

Haley Reinhart, "Rolling in the Deep" - This was the first time Haley wasn't pitch-perfect. We heard the sharps. But this was a tough song choice. We wish she had dug deep into the jazz songs of the past and scatted a little like she did in the elimination hour with Casey. We think we've made it clear on this blog that covering ADELE just should not be done right now. She did much better than Gwyneth though. Not that that's hard. B+

Casey Abrams, "Harder to Breathe" - This was possibly his best vocal performance, even though we prefer a jazzy Casey to a rock one. He's so versatile. After the last two weeks, we are officially both back in his camp. A-

Ern is still rooting for Haley or James. Leeard is still rooting for Casey or Lauren.

Side note: Modern Family was really funny this week. That show was starting to bore us with repetitiveness, but it was cute last night. Anything with Phil and Luke is pure gold.

Chat - Primarily on last night's Glee ("Night of Neglect")

ern (11:31:21 AM): Chode!
Leeard (11:31:32 AM): Yes, chode?
ern (11:32:01 AM): Tell us something entertaining
Leeard (11:32:12 AM): ummmmmmm How I Met Your Mother is pretty good this week, as is Cougar Town. And I watched this week’s episode of The Chicago Code again.
ern (11:32:55 AM): I forgot to call Cougar Town and order a penny can :-(
Leeard (11:33:05 AM): Way to go
(GLEE STARTS)
ern (8:01:08 PM): Offshore accounts! Oh Sue.
Leeard (8:01:53 PM): Umm so 5000 * 0.25 isn't 20000
ern (8:02:06 PM): Umm, so you're a nerd
Leeard (8:02:15 PM): Ummmm no, I’m just not a moron. I love Brittany
ern (8:03:08 PM): She's so obsessed with cats. All of her facebook statuses are about cats.
Leeard (8:03:12 PM): She's so amazing
ern (8:05:07 PM): Terri is pretty
Leeard (8:05:14 PM): I’ve missed Terri. UGH. Gwyneth Paltrow.
ern (8:06:20 PM): Gwyneth is here to butcher the hell outta ADELE
Leeard (8:06:34 PM): I’m seriously not looking forward to it
ern (8:06:50 PM): I'm looking forward to your comments about it, so suck it up and watch it. I think Gwyneth is good in this role, but it's a bad idea to ask anyone to try to live up to ADELE. Rachel needs to not have bangs. Ughhh, Will Ferrell is going to be on The Office for FOUR episodes.
Leeard (8:13:10 PM): ughhhhh. I don't like her (Sunshine) either
ern (8:13:35 PM): What a surprise, you don't like an arrogant person (sarcasm).
Leeard (8:13:58 PM): How is Sunshine Corazon arrogant?
ern (8:14:15 PM): She just bragged about how she was alone at the top and such a better singer than anyone. I thought that's what you didn't like
Leeard (8:14:39 PM): I started typing it before she said that
ern (8:14:48 PM): Why don't you like her then?
Leeard (8:15:23 PM): I don't like her voice
ern (8:15:40 PM): What don't you like about it? The range? The power? That darn clear tone? I want Jesse St. James back NOW
Leeard (8:17:00 PM): Freaking me too
ern (8:17:38 PM): I love Lauren
(A Thor commercial comes on)
Leeard (8:17:42 PM): THOR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
ern (8:17:46 PM): NERD
Leeard (8:18:05 PM): I'm okay with that
ern (8:20:15 PM): ok, The Vampire Diaries finale will feature deaths, duh, but I just read that they will be both "momentus and tragic." I really can't think of a single good character on that show that I can live without, except for Bonnie, and they won't kill her because they already did a fake-out
Leeard (8:20:43 PM): Or maybe it was foreshadowing? I kinda hope they kill off sheriff mama
ern (8:21:10 PM): Me too, but I wouldn’t call that momentous
Leeard (8:21:28 PM): Well, depending on how she died ....
ern (8:21:30 PM): Who is a character you think they might kill but really hope they don't?
Leeard (8:21:52 PM): I don't want to think about it. I don't like reading spoilers, and you already ruined it for me
ern (8:22:29 PM): Since when do you not like reading spoilers?
Leeard (8:23:06 PM): I read spoilers for, like, Bones, but not for shows that are crap-your-pants awesome.
ern (8:23:28 PM): This Emma/Will scene is hella-lame. Is anyone still into that couple?
Leeard (8:24:32 PM): Someone please tell Mercedes that she’s being stupid.
ern (8:24:41 PM): She's not. She should have a fresh puppy any time she wants
Leeard (8:25:04 PM): um no. Seeing as how they're trying to raise money, it doesn't make sense to spend money on her demands
ern (8:25:52 PM): Puppies are free at the shelter
Leeard (8:26:03 PM): no, they aren't
ern (8:26:16 PM): Gotta spend money to make money. I want to be carried to class in a giant egg. If anyone were to make that happen, I would do anything for them
Leeard (8:29:10 PM): oh, how did you like How I Met Your Mother?
ern (8:29:16 PM): Pretty good
Leeard (8:29:47 PM): i thought about texting you and saying "just watch the theme song"
ern (8:30:20 PM): For the record, after I finish watching the last Harry Potter movie, I am going to sob for about two straight hours. Grieving the end of my childhood.
Leeard (8:30:40 PM): I’ll probably be doing the same thing. Hopefully the midnight premiere won’t interfere with work.
ern (8:32:03 PM): Harry Potter > Work. PERIOD
Leeard (8:32:13 PM): !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! BLAIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINE
ern (8:32:53 PM): I really have to hurry up the plans on that Darren Criss intervention I'm planning for you. I know who is going to be prom king and queen on Glee. Some extra spoiled it.
Leeard (8:36:05 PM): Don't tell me. I love Mike’s dancing. Also, this song.
ern (8:36:50 PM): "Meh" to both
Leeard (8:37:04 PM): He's so adorable though. But I wish Brittany had danced with him
ern (8:37:26 PM): Me too. I love HER dancing
Leeard (8:38:05 PM): ughhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. Gwyneth’s version of "Turning Tables" is coming up. I don't want to watch. I want to change the channel after commercials
ern (8:38:28 PM): Please don't. Hate it with me. We so rarely get to hate the same things at the same time, with no arguing
Leeard (8:38:53 PM): Ha. Watch me love it. Just kidding. Obviously that will never happen. Charice, get off my TV!!!
ern (8:40:36 PM): Were you with me and __ and __ when we saw The Hangover?
Leeard (8:41:18 PM): mmhmm
ern (8:41:44 PM): oh yeah...you're the one who compared me to Zach Galifianakis' character.
Leeard (8:42:02 PM): That wasn't just me ....and I seem to recall you saying you'd memorize his wolf speech
ern (8:42:30 PM): And if we go to Vegas, I will
Leeard (8:44:51 PM): Rachel Berry, I love you. Why does Rachel get all the attention? BECAUSE SHE'S BETTER, MERCEDES
ern (8:45:35 PM): I think they are equally good
Leeard (8:45:46 PM): I think Lea Michele is better
ern (8:46:03 PM): I know you do, because your Lea Michele obsession almost rivals your Darren Criss obsession
(Gwyneth starts singing)
Leeard (8:46:28 PM): UGH. I HATE THIS. I WANT TO KILL SOMEONE. DON'T RUIN MY DAMN SONG
ern (8:46:42 PM): Nice orchestra. They brought out the big guns
Leeard (8:46:58 PM): …..To try to cover up her crap voice
ern (8:47:12 PM): Actually, I'm liking the way she does the verses
Leeard (8:47:26 PM): It’s not the WORST thing I’ve ever heard, but it's nowhere NEAR as good as the original
ern (8:47:47 PM): Dude, this is REALLY good
Leeard (8:47:51 PM): I disagree
ern (8:48:00 PM): I'm downloading it and replacing the Adele version
Leeard (8:48:08 PM): I’m killing you. Please tell me you’re joking.
ern (8:48:19 PM): HAhahahahahA. NO. I'm not, because I am duty-bound to disagree with you, no matter what. KIDDING. That was holler-y and lame. ADELE ftw.
Leeard (8:49:03 PM): Thank you. You whore.
ern (8:49:40 PM): That song was so completely unnecessary
Leeard (8:49:43 PM): I was seriously contemplating not talking to you
ern (8:49:50 PM): Why would the character of Holly Holliday sing at the kids’ glee benefit?
Leeard (8:50:11 PM): To make me want to cut out my ears
ern (8:52:43 PM): Why is Hollywood trying to make Emma Roberts happen?
Leeard (8:52:59 PM): Yeah, I don't know
ern (8:53:14 PM): I kind of liked her in "It's kind of a funny story." But I think it was just the movie/part
Leeard (8:53:34 PM): Wait, is Rachel not singing? Rude.
ern (8:53:39 PM): This had better knock my socks off, Mercedes
Leeard (8:53:44 PM): Love that dress
ern (8:53:49 PM): Me too
Leeard (8:54:48 PM): I don't think this is amazing. I'm kind of disappointed. Mercedes has sounded better. Wait. It’s getting better. She heard me.
ern (8:55:33 PM): Come on. Give us a big note. Bring it home.
Leeard (8:55:48 PM): I have faith. That was good. It wasn't great
ern (8:56:24 PM): It was ok
Leeard (8:56:34 PM): Rachel could totally follow that though.
ern (8:56:55 PM): I like seeing Rachel be nice, but I like hearing her sing more
Leeard (8:56:56 PM): Gwyneth just said amazeballs. MOTHEREFFER
ern (8:57:00 PM): so?
Leeard (8:57:30 PM): So, I like saying amazeballs and she just took that from me
ern (8:57:44 PM): hahahahaha I'm gonna start saying it too
Leeard (8:58:07 PM): please tell me that the Vocal Adrenaline director is going to come out of the closet
ern (9:02:22 PM): Are you gonna watch the royal wedding? I can't be bothered, even thought that Kate seems like a nice girl. I can just google pictures of the dress. Good enough.
Leeard (9:02:30 PM): I probably will, just to watch all of my dreams get dashed.
ern (9:03:03 PM): But that guy is an uggo
Leeard (9:03:11 PM): He wasn't.
ern (9:04:26 PM): SOUTH PARK SEASON PREMIERE APRIL 27
Leeard (9:04:32 PM): I KNOW
ern (9:05:28 PM): I didn't. I’m so excited. http://bangabledudesinhistory.blogspot.com/ I'm disappointed that we didn't think of THAT blog
Leeard (9:12:15 PM): I’m enjoying this website. There are some hotties
ern (9:12:30 PM): Surprisingly, yeah. I like the pie charts
Leeard (9:12:52 PM): I like this would-be assassin. He’s my type
ern (9:13:10 PM): He's not my type. I swear you can see the devil in his eyes. Like, he looks evil
Leeard (9:13:29 PM): That's part of my type
ern (9:13:35 PM): Really?
Leeard (9:13:45 PM): Usually
ern (9:14:40 PM): I know we've had this discussion before, but bad boys are a huge turn-off for me...unless they are Damon Salvatore. And that's mostly because Damon is funny. That had to be one of the lamest Glee episodes ever
Leeard (9:23:00 PM): It wasn't that great
ern (9:23:04 PM): Nope. I'm prepared to deliver unto it a C-
Leeard (9:24:40 PM): Ok
ern (9:38:33 PM): We are up to 8 cents (from advertising on the blog)
Leeard (9:38:37 PM): Whoa buddy
ern (9:38:57 PM): How are you going to spend your share?
Leeard (9:39:21 PM): I think I’ll invest it
ern (9:39:39 PM): Sensible. I'm gonna squander mine on gigolos
Leeard (9:39:55 PM): Maybe in 927408 years, I’ll have a dollar

That's about it. Oh, but that Glee spoiler Ern mentioned will be placed in the comments for all those who didn't see it on yahoo news. If you want to know.

Game of Thrones Already Renewed for Season 2

Yessssssss.

New Shows - Game of Thrones, Breaking In, and Happy Endings

Breaking In
Ern: Why can’t they ever let the girl be funny?
Leeard: Because she’s too pretty
Ern: Yeah, what IS that? You can’t be a pretty girl and be funny? That’s total BS.

Except for the above complaint, both of us are really enjoying Christian Slater’s new comedy about a company that breaks into people’s property to test their security. It’s pretty amusing, so check it out if your favorite comedies are lagging (The Office, HIMYM). Hopefully it gets even funnier. We can see that happening once the characters get more established.

This week’s episode grade: B+

Game of Thrones
Your opinion of this one is going to be colored by whether you have read the books. We can only speak for the people who have. The show is very close to the books, and we think the first season is going to closely follow the plot and characters of book one of George R.R. Martin’s series. Fans of the book series will know what is coming and will be excited to see the direction in which the series is going. If you haven’t read the books, the first episode is still enjoyable, but we don’t think you will be able to tell whether you will like the TV series from this one installment.

This is high fantasy, but not in a Lord of the Rings way. In a Sopranos way. Meaning, it’s not a spiritual story or world but a political one, full of backstabbers and plots. Yeah, it’s not history, but for those of you who were intrigued by The Borgias, but disappointed by its execution, this is the show to watch. Starz and Showtime take note: This is how fantasy and medieval stuff is done. It’s well-made, and we will be sticking with it until it leaves HBO, because we already know that we like the story.

Some will need to beware of gore and sex scenes. It’s rated R. We have already heard of some complaints that the first episode lacked strong female characters, but we know that many of the female characters develop and turn into complete and total bad-asses, so that won’t be a concern for long.

Episode grade: A-

Happy Endings
Do you miss Friends? Do you think Chandler should actually have been gay? This is the show for you. It’s fun, and it’s better than the new shows like it (Better with You and Perfect Couples). Leeard likes it better than Ern does. Ern has an all-abiding hatred for Elisha Cuthbert (just like any good 24 fan would). But at least her eyebrows match her hair better in this role. We think this show is trying to pull culture and the media into a future that the makers want to see. For instance, the gay guy is not the stereotypical gay guy. He acts a little more “manly.” It’s nice to see a rounded-out gay character, and we approve. Also, one of the women is not stick-skinny and she is also not comically fat. That’s right, her body is closer to that of a regular girl. We approve.

But thirdly, the show propounds a view that one-night-stands, sleeping around, and looking at porn are normal, accepted activities. To be fair, lots of shows carry this message. Most people in this country are a little more moderate than that when it comes to sex. Most people our age at least think that people should be in some sort of monogamous relationship before they start bumping uglies. Why do shows do that? They try to make the slutty thing seem like the norm. It’s the norm for some, but not most. The only explanation we can think of is that the people behind this show think that this country is too puritanical and they have casual sex and want to influence the culture into thinking that’s what’s normal (so they are accepted). That paragraph probably made us sound like Focus On the Family (an annoyingly frigid religious organization that denounces pretty much everything in entertainment), but we don’t like to see an extreme pushed on culture from either end of the spectrum. We don't mind characters who have lots of sex or even sex scenes. But we do feel like we have to point out to young people when there is an intentional message in a show, so they can consciously consider an agenda themselves.

Still, it’s a pretty funny little show so far.

Episode grade: B

A Few Comments on This Week's TV

How I Met Your Mother - The Exploding Meatball Sub
Both of us thought this episode was a little “meh” and not funny, although ern really liked that Marshall finally quit his job at GNB. She also liked the meatball sub stuff.

Episode Grade: C+

The United States of Tara - The Full F You Finger
It was ok. The Adventures of Kate are boring us. Get back to Tara.

Episode Grade: C+

Body of Proof - Talking Heads
We are starting to bemoan the lack of chemistry in the cast and the predictability in the episodes, but we are still watching. Leeard thinks it’s like Bones, only stupider and without Booth. Liked the corny ending though. We’re suckers for mother/daughter stuff.

Episode Grade: C

Modern Family - The Musical Man
Very funny, even though the plot where it looked like Phil was pimping out his family was a little too dumb, even for Phil. Then she show actually pulled off a touching moment with Jay’s brother! We missed this show.

Episode Grade: B+

America’s Next Top Model - Lana Marks
We were a little shocked that Jaclyn went home so early. She takes great pictures. True, she looks the least like a model and she runs the least amount of drama in the house. We think it should have been Hannah or Molly. Molly has had a horrible attitude from day one. We are still rooting for enemies Brittani and Alexandria.

Episode Grade: A-

American Idol
As it stands, Leeard is rooting for Casey. Ern has favored Haley for a while. Even before "Bennie and the Jets". But feel free to hop on this bandwagon. Haley has a fantastic voice. Leeard was sad to lose Paul. Ern was ecstatic. He was the worst. Now, we just have to get rid of Jacob Lusk, a singer neither of us like. When we agree on American Idol, it’s rare. That’s how bad Jacob is. Week grade: A

The Office - Training Day
A show that mostly isn't funny anymore + a comedian who mostly isn’t funny anymore? You know how this turned out. We have only liked Will F in Anchorman. Elf had a funny script, but Will didn’t add much to it and came across as a creeper. Neither of us cared for him in The Office. Someone breathe new life in this show, fast. Funniest part of the episode? The turtle part. Episode Grade: C

The Vampire Diaries - The Last Dance
This show can do no wrong. It is so much better than any teen show has any right to be. The pacing, the twists, the characters, the hot guys, the lack of stupidity, the health of the relationships, and the moxie of the main girl? Pitch perfect, and this week is no exception. Episode grade: A

Bones - The Truth in the Myth
Too predictable, pretty forgettable. And stupid, because the chupacabra is obviously real.
Episode grade: C

Mike and Molly - Opening Day
We liked the bonding between Molly and Carl, but she shouldn't have gone to the baseball game with them.

Episode Grade: B-

The Chicago Code - Wild Onions
It’s awesome. One day the blogger who loves this show will explain why it’s awesome, but until then, accept it.

Episode Grade: A-

Better with You - Better Without a Job
The stupid plot with the book/Maddie is dumb for the whole pretending-to-not-be-fired thing.

Episode Grade: C

30 Rock - I Heart Connecticut
Truly, truly unspecial episode. No laughs, lame plots. At least we’ve got crazy Tracy back for next time though, right?

Episode Grade: D+

Community - Competitive Wine Tasting
We didn’t love Trey’s subplot, but we loved someone calling Jeff out for being a douche. And did Pierce really find the right one? Fiddla please.

Episode grade: B

Parks and Recreation - Andy and April’s Fancy Party
We want Ben to get Leslie. At least for a little while. They set it up so subtly that it felt like the audience’s idea. Until this episode, where it was obvious. Brilliant. Plus, April and Andy got married!

Episode Grade: A-

Fringe - Lysergic Acid Diethylamide
That reminded us of Inception. Only with more character development. The cartoon thing was cute, but Olivia’s looked nothing like her. Very strange, but we liked this one. Oh, this show. Episode grade: A-

Chaos - Love and Rockets
Par for the course for this show, which equals an episode grade of B-

Camelot - Lady of the Lake recap

If you haven't seen this show and wonder what it's like, this is the recap for you.

Previously, on Camelot: A weak boy with a rat face covered in peach fuzz became King Arthur. He slept with his brother’s girlfriend. One of his men, Leontes, saved his life. So he slept with Leontes’ fiancé the day before the wedding. Some of his men forced great warrior Gawain, who was hiding out, to come help the new king. Arthur’s half-sister, Morgan, was better than him, if a little melodramatic. The hack playing Merlin whispered, even when the person he was talking to was all the way on the other side of the room.

The episode begins with super-serious credits, a choir boy serenading us, and foggy images warning us that this is a legendary legend of legendness. The music speeds up and a half naked woman touches her neck. This warns us that this is a sexy legend. End credits. A run-down castle sits on a magnificent cliff. Arthur walks through his throne room, doing his best “pensive look.” He sits down and smells a flower from Guinevere’s wedding.

This, of course, reminds him of one time when he had sex with her. This, of course, serves as an excuse for Starz to show it again. Psh, we have better racks than that blonde stick. Back in present time, Arthur gives the command for his men to start training to fight. Dude, it’s been weeks of attacks and you are just now getting to that? Not only does this king have no honor, but he’s stupid too.

Leontes fondles his sleeping wife, Guinevere. Her hair is yellow and her eyebrows are black. She wakes up and pretends to love him. She asks him when they can get some land and leave Camelot (leaving all memory of her whoredom behind). Surely Leontes can build a better wooden cabin than King Arthur’s nasty, moss-ridden castle? Of course, it’s not that simple, Guin. Leontes wants to stay. We get a shot of Leontes' ass crack.

Claire Forlani, the actress who plays Arthur’s birthmother, is so much older than she was when she sexed up Brad Pitt in the tearjerking Meet Joe Black. But she is still amazingly beautiful. Good job bringing her back to screens, show. She sits, talking with Merlin. Merlin feeds her an apple. We bet they have sex one day. Merlin and Mommy notice Arthur creeping on Leontes and Guin kissing. They are concerned. Merlin whispered. God knows what he said. Or maybe not even God can hear that man…

Finally, Camelot shows us our girl, Morgan, and her superior castle. She seems hurt and upset. Her servant is concerned. Her servant is black. This show is probably racist. Back to Arthur. His army blows. Gawain asks Arthur what they are fighting for. “Freedom,” a very original Arthur replies. Gawain does not accept this response. “Then why are you here?” Arthur asks. “They told me you were worth following,” the Gawain replies. Because, you see, that is the essence of the Arthur story. He is a king worth following and believing in. But alas….in this incarnation, there is nothing to recommend him. Seriously, what are his good traits?

Gawain decides he wants to see Arthur fight. They battle. Arthur loses. What CAN this guy do? Merlin, ever in denial, decides that what Arthur lacks is a decent sword. Doesn’t Arthur have the sword he pulled from the stone now? In any case, the Gawain tells Merlin where he got his own swords. Merlin pulls Arthur aside to scold him for liking Guin. Oh Merlin, don’t you know teenagers? Old people denying them access just makes them want it more.

Arthur’s Mommy corners Guin and makes the excellent point that men will only want Guin because she is forbidden, being all married and whatnot. Back to Morgan. She is riding through the hills, still suffering and she wants to make it to Camelot to scope out Guin. Morgan's slave puts her foot down. Morgan’s safety comes first, and they should return to the castle that won’t give Morgan pneumonia. Arthur and Guin meet. Desperate to address the important things, Arthur asks if Leontes is better than him in bed. Guin didn’t answer, so we are assuming we are correct in answering “YES.” Guin tells Arthur it’s over. Arthur gives her his usual fish eyes.

Merlin rides a horse through a field to get to the sword maker, a choir intensely backing up his boring ride. Careful Merlin, a bald head like that can get a mighty burn if you don’t start wearing a hat on day-long journeys. Morgan returns to her castle to find a creepy old nun. “Who let her in? Get her out,” Morgan hollers. Morgan rages about her room, looking Gollum-esque. We think she has histrionic personality disorder.

Gawain starts training Arthur’s men. He cuts Kay’s arm. Arthur has a hissy. He says, “I need an honorable instructor.” Well, Arthur, we need an honorable protagonist. It’s too easy, Camelot. Quit feeding us lines. Gawain, still instructing, puts a knife to Arthur’s neck. He’s just reached favorite character status. Of course, that’s like being the tallest midget. But still. Leontes and Kay freak out. Dudes, he diddled both your women! Gawain lets Arthur go.

Back to Morgan, who is lying in her bed, looking like a sea corpse from the deep. She gets up, feeling better and wanting food. She eats ravenously, and it is more passionate than any love scene ever on this show. Morgan reveals to her servant that the nun comes from the convent Uther sent her to as a girl. She demands more food and starts bleeding from the eyes. The nun is invited inside.

Merlin catches the sword maker who demands that Merlin leave his property and threatens to slit Merlin from a**hole to cakehole. Clever (sarcasm). They whisper threateningly at each other before the sword maker invites Merlin inside. Back to Morgan. The nun figures out that Morgan’s body is “under attack” because she performed a summoning. Back to Merlin, who has described Arthur as “not strong.” Even Merlin admits it. The sword maker (oh, correction, “Blade Master”) starts making Arthur a sword. Even though we distinctly remember Arthur pulling a sword from a stone. And then falling and hitting his head. The Blade Master taunted Merlin about how Merlin doesn’t use his powers a lot. Merlin wigs, goes into the woods, and starts a tall fire in a fireplace. He enjoys it. The Blade Master’s daughter sees him do that.

Morgan is dying. She demands that the nun get her through this. The nun gives her a pep talk. Morgan screams that the crown means everything to her. She starts seeing visions of her dead lover and dead father. She passes out. It looks like she died, but we know better. Flash to Merlin, who is dreaming. His dream includes Arthur getting stabbed in the gut.

Merlin wakes. The Blade Master shows Merlin Arthur’s new sword. “Best I’ve ever made,” he says. Of course it is. Cliché freaking show. The Blade Master wants to take it to Arthur himself, but Merlin objects, saying that he didn’t want the old soldier near his king. After that dream, this might be a smart move. The two fought and Merlin burned the Blade Master to a crisp. What an idiot, fighting a sorcerer with a sword.

The Blade Master’s daughter was upset and bashed the sword’s handle on Merlin’s head. It seems she is as smart as her father. She should have stuck him with the pointy end. We guess sword talent isn’t genetic. She fled with the sword to a lake, got in a boat, and started rowing out. Merlin froze the lake. The girl grabbed the sword and fell into the unfrozen part of the lake. The lake froze over the girl, but she reached the sword up through the ice. The ice froze around her arm and Merlin grabbed the sword from her. She pounded at the ice, but Merlin couldn’t save her. Don’t have a spell to melt ice, bro? He apologized down at the ice. Well, that makes it better.

Morgan woke up. The nun says she was “reborn.” She put Morgan to bed, but just when we thought she was fine, she started thrashing and squealing like a possessed person in a horror movie. The nun led Morgan to a mirror and it was revealed that Morgan now looks just like Arthur’s Mommy. Morgan was upset but then realized that she can feel what Mommy is feeling over in Arthur’s hovel. “Pain. She’s feeling pain.” Morgan smiles wickedly. This whole Morgan storyline was weird this week.

Back to Arthur, stalking through the halls of his castle. Clearly, he has nothing better to do. His Mommy stops him and gives him the “there are other fish in the sea” sentiment. He mouths off and she slaps him. She said that a lot of people died when Arthur’s father took a forbidden woman and she wouldn’t let that happen again. Arthur went back to the training camp, gave a hypocritical speech, and challenged Leontes to a fight. Guin was there to see it. It was just a practice fight, so no one won, but it won Gawain over to Arthur’s side. Darn. Guin and Arthur had another little “it’s over” spat.

Merlin sat at a bar, picked a fight, and got his butt handed to him. Interesting character development? Did he want to punish himself for the day's events? Merlin returned to Arthur’s castle with the new sword. Mouth open, Arthur unwrapped it. Everyone looked at it in awe, like it was Harry Potter’s Firebolt or something. Merlin lied about how he got the sword, making up some crazy story about mist and a siren. The siren supposedly named the sword Excalibur. Mouth still open, Arthur held it up, moving it slowly. Cut to the Blade Master’s daughter floating in the lake. End.

Once again, we don’t care about the protagonists, Arthur is lame, and we want Morgan to win.

Episode grade: F

A Wee Saturday-Morning TV Chat

ern (1:14:37 PM): I just turned on The Vampire Diaries!!!
Leeard (1:15:00 PM): Psh, took you long enough
ern (1:15:12 PM): I've been very busy. Is it good?
Leeard (1:15:19 PM): Duh. Why is that even a question?
ern (1:19:46 PM): Because I'm an artard. Clearly
Leeard (1:21:16 PM): ah
ern (1:24:39 PM): So whatcha doonin?
Leeard (1:24:46 PM): Watching Degrassi and avoiding working on a presentation. It’s not as good as TVD, but still. Also, Bones is suuuuuuper predictable this week.
ern (1:26:37 PM): I think Imma skip it
Leeard (1:26:54 PM): Imma tell you that's probably a good call
ern (1:27:53 PM): Ughhh, you guys, Klaus is Alaric. Shut uppp. Well, now Caroline came out as Jackie-o, completely missing that Jackie was a brunette.
Leeard (1:30:16 PM): Psh, that doesn’t mean anything. Doesn't she look adorable?
ern (1:30:24 PM): She does, but I think you have to be brunette when you dress up as her
Leeard (1:31:02 PM): I think it's still obvious who she is
ern (1:31:10 PM): true, but it's a sacrilege
Leeard (1:31:31 PM): You're sacrilege
ern (1:31:48 PM): why hasn't Elena made out with Damon yet?
Leeard (1:32:07 PM): Good freaking question
ern (1:32:22 PM): Poor Jeremy
Leeard (1:32:33 PM): Why?
ern (1:32:45 PM): Because he can't do anything to help Bonnie except walk around looking hot. I hate that Matt is undercover with Caroline’s mom
Leeard (1:33:29 PM): I do too, but I also love it. Like, I’m scared because I feel like it's dangerous for one or both of them. But I also love that they know. ALSO I MISS TYLER
ern (1:36:19 PM): I do NOT like Matt's hair like that and I do NOT like how he is betraying Caroline. Also, I just ate my weight in chicken
Leeard (1:36:44 PM): yummy. I don't like how he's betraying Caroline, but .... she's a vampire
ern (1:37:24 PM): She explained what happened and he took NOT her side
Leeard (1:38:00 PM): he doesn't view her as Caroline anymore
ern (1:38:08 PM): well, he's wrong
Leeard (1:38:09 PM): so he didn't betray HER
ern (1:39:12 PM): Dance club version of "I Think We're Alone Now"? Bonnie is so meh.
Leeard (1:39:48 PM): ugh you're so meh
ern (1:39:57 PM): YOU'RE so meh
Leeard (1:40:04 PM): Wow good comeback
ern (1:40:10 PM): It hates you, precious
Leeard (1:40:12 PM): No, it doesn’t.
ern (1:42:05 PM): Elena just found out Klaus took a body. Elena's thinking, "I SHOULD HAVE KNOWN WHEN HE DIDN'T KNOW WATERGATE WAS IN THE 70S!"
Leeard (1:42:12 PM): um duh. Also, did you yell at your TV when they left Elena and Jeremy together?
ern (1:42:37 PM): I don’t like the way the actor is playing Alaric/Klaus, and no, because I don't yell at my TV, weirdo.
Leeard (1:42:49 PM): like, DON'T LET THE HUMANS BE ALONE. Ha okay I don't know if you'll like Happy Endings, but I’m cracking up
ern (1:43:46 PM): I don’t usually like stuff like that, but I will give it a try
ern (1:45:40 PM): Bonnie NO. Don’t kill Alaric. Oh my jeezzzz.
Leeard (1:47:01 PM): mmhmm
ern (1:47:11 PM): YES YES A+. Bonnie DEAD. And now Elena is going to hate Damon. But Bonnie and Damon never got to have sex! Shame. It’s sad that Elena is sad. Well, at least Kat Graham still has this to fall back on- http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2JYMDYdOgRk

Leeard (1:51:31 PM): okay, i liked the pilot of Happy Endings. Also, I sure hope that's the Bieber video
ern (1:51:47 PM): I usually don't like stuff like Happy Endings. Kat's in a Bieber video?
Leeard (1:52:05 PM): http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SOI4OF7iIr4
ern (1:52:08 PM): She’s not dead. Stupid fake-out.
Leeard (1:52:51 PM): That's why i haven't said anything since you said how happy you were that she died. Also, it's not a season finale and there were still 10 minutes left, did you actually expect her to die?
ern (1:53:56 PM): Some shows go there. Skype? Hopefully Klaus isn't a hacker
Leeard (1:54:41 PM): I mean, this show goes there too, but not with that much time left in an episode. Come on, even I knew she wasn't actually dead
ern (1:56:42 PM): ELENA NO
Leeard (1:56:47 PM): ELENA YES
ern (1:57:01 PM): why WHYYYYY? This show is so convoluted, I forgot why she would pull the dagger out of Elijah.
Leeard (1:57:18 PM): a) to be able to kill klaus with the dagger and b) because elijah wants klaus dead too
Ern (1:57:20 PM): Ughhhh
Leeard (1:57:25 PM): No joke, i've been listening to this song non-stop. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x-64CaD8GXw
ern (1:57:26 PM): I have that on my 'pod
Leeard (1:57:28 PM): I do too, hence me listening to it non-stop
ern (1:57:42 PM): That's one of my dad's rings on his phone
Leeard (1:57:56 PM): Your dad is cool

A Few Glee Song Promos and Gaga News

There are other songs in the next episode, but they don't have previews yet.

Also, Lady Gaga released her second single from her upcoming album. The song is called "Judas," and it is not as good as "Bad Romance," but it is better than "Born This Way." The song released four days early. The album is expected May 23rd, 2011, as you probably already know.

Classic Books to Read and Skip

Classic books: Bane of the normal person’s existence or something you should check out post-high school? So many people mean to read classic books and never do. “One day I will whip out that Proust and be considered intelligent by mankind!” Some people have to read them all, to appear well-read.

Some people, like us, only want to read what we are going to enjoy and/or get something out of.

Now, there are uber-lit nerds who love just about every classic book and would crucify us for this post. But those people don’t NEED this post, because they’ve read, or will read, all of the books anyway. Here is our list of classic books that you have to read and classic books that you can skip. And classic books that you can just rent the movie instead. We haven't mentioned classic books that we haven't read, so the list isn't necessarily a complete one.

Pride and Prejudice: Blogger disagreement. Ern- "It’s so brilliant, it’s so witty, wah wah wah. Mark Twain didn't even like Jane Austen. If you have seen any of the movies (and unless you’ve lived under a rock your whole life), you’ve got the gist. Same story with Jane Eyre, Sense and Sensibility, Emma, and Little Women. Don’t feel like you HAVE to read these chick classics if you don't want to. But they are fun if you WANT to read them. You have to at least see the movies though. These things go down better with hot guy visuals." Leeard- "Love Jane Austen. Pride and Prejudice is one of my favorite classics, and you must read it. Along with Little Women."

The Screwtape Letters by C.S. Lewis: Read it. We know what you are thinking. “This is only for Christians.” No, no, no. We know a hardcore atheist who loves this book. It’s great for moral self-examination. It’s dark, it’s clever, it’s funny, it’s short, and it helps you look at your own arrogance, how you treat others, and how you think. Premise- One demon writes letters to a junior demon on how to ruin his “patient,” a human the junior demon is trying to destroy. How does this not sound awesome?

Harry Potter: Read it. Read it all. There are some people out there who don’t like fantasy. We don’t know how to help you, except to tell you to ease into it with romance (The Anita Blake Vampire Hunter series, up to “Obsidian Butterfly.” After that, things just get slutty and weird.) or funny mystery (The Dresden Files. The books, never the TV show). If you tried to get into it by reading the first book, and that didn’t work out, skip to the more adult ones. Read a summary of books one and two (or watch the movies, even though those two movies are the worst of the movies) and move onto book three. But if you miss 4, 5, 6, and 7 of this series, you are truly missing out.

Lord of the Rings: Read the famous quotes (just google “famous quotes” and the dialogue in the books, after you see the extended versions of all the movies. The movies aren’t missing scenery and story. What the movies lack is the amazing dialogue. And read the Tom Bombadil part in book one. That’s all you need, but we think if you’re a fantasy person, you will want to read it all.

Crime and Punishment: Skip it. Read The Brothers Karamazov instead. Why do they teach Crime and Punishment in high school? Because it’s considerably more lightweight than Brothers, Dostoevsky’s last book and spiritual powerhouse. Pressed for time? Just read the chapter called “The Grand Inquisitor” and the chapter before that.

Aaaand this paragraph threatens to incur the wrath of Cat, but we will risk it. Shakespeare!: Ones you have to read- Hamlet, King Lear, Richard III, The Tempest, Macbeth, Othello, Merchant of Venice Well, maybe. It's a little anti-Semitic). But if you have the chance to see a decent production of ANY Shakespeare play, go. Also, his poetry isn’t great. Very skip-able. Try Rainer Maria Rilke instead. Or T.S. Eliot. We fully believe that plays were meant to be performed and watched, not read.

Pilgrim’s Progress: There is a very good picture book version of this that haunted our nightmares as children. If you can’t find that, then yes, you have to read the book, if only because it’s just so amazingly weird and dark. But we’re pretty sure only religious people are going to get this one.

Wuthering Heights: It is short and easy, so go ahead and read it.

1984: You must. The movie doesn't make sense unless you read it anyway.

Anna Karenina: Another one that fares better onscreen. The book is a little dull. War and Peace is better, if you want Tolstoy. But that’s another long one. Tolstoy has great character descriptions, if you are into that.

The Secret Garden and Last of the Mohicans: It’s movie time.

Les Miserables: See the musical. It’s a great story though.

Anything by Charles Dickens: MOVIES.

Ender’s Game: Unless someone has spoiled it for you, like that beyotch in Barnes and Noble did to Ern's brother, read it. Leeard thinks that even if someone has spoiled it for you, you should still read it. Orson Scott Card creates an entire world in this book, and never has to dumb it down.

The Shining by Stephen King: YES this counts as a classic. Don’t argue with us. Also, The Dark Tower series. Read them. Skip The Shining if you’ve seen the movie, but if you haven’t, read the book and then see the movie.

Flatland: Yes. It’s short and full of good information for humans.

The Sound and the Fury: Read it if you are compassionate and you like characters. Read it if you are a Cormac McCarthy fan, because he is above the use of punctuation and you wish other authors were as free with their style. But keep the cliffnotes handy, because several parts of it are hard to follow, even for good readers.

The Hunchback of Notre Dame: Read it. It’s very different from the Disney version. After the book depresses you, rent the Disney version.

Moby Dick: Unless you are thrilled by the subject, get the cliffnotes.

Tom Sawyer/Huck Finn: Read them. They are fun.

Heart of Darkness: There is a kid in every high school class. He wears dark, disheveled clothes, and yet he is still cool. He is cynical, dark, mocking, sarcastic, and superior to everyone. His favorite movies are A Clockwork Orange and Donnie Darko (not that there’s anything wrong with that). He loves this book. Unless you are him, you can skip it.

Dante’s Inferno: Read it if you are at all interested. You will know if this kind of thing is your bag. But it’s very, very good and worthwhile.

The Stranger and Portrait of an Artist as a Young Man: If you are an atheist or an existentialist, you will love these. If you are not, you will find them simplistic, depressing and shallow.

Narnia: To read- The Silver Chair, The Last Battle, Voyage of the Dawn Treader. To skip- The others. To see the movie: The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe and Prince Caspian. Bonus points if you watch the British versions with the really funny-looking Lucy.

The Scarlett Letter: Skip it. Just don't judge people. Big Love is much more timely.

Their Eyes Were Watching God: Skip it. The bloggers are in complete and total agreement on that.

The Odyssey: Surprisingly not boring.

The Red Badge of Courage: Skip it. The guy is a chicken anyway, so why is it called that?

A Separate Peace: Read it.

The Bible: No other book has shaped this culture as much as this one. Even if you know you won't believe a word of it, it's a must. You can just read a summary of Numbers and Joshua if you want though. And maybe Leviticus. We think that's important though.

Brideshead Revisited: Laaaame. Ok, there's this old man who does not like religion, but just before he dies, he calls for a priest and gets religious for two seconds, because he is about to die. It's supposed to be a good thing, but we think it's incredibly disappointing that he didn't stick to his guns and how he lived his life.

Beloved: Leeard has been forced to read this book 3 times for different classes, and has hated it every time. Some people love this book, but we can't figure out why.

Others to read: Brave New World, The Catcher In the Rye, A Tree Grows in Brooklyn, The Diary of Anne Frank (the unabridged version where she reveals she's kind of a lesbian), anything by G.K. Chesterton, old fairy tales. The Great Gatsby, The Phantom Tollbooth, and To Kill a Mockingbird (but if you don't want to, the movie will suffice).

Agree? Disagree? Have some of your own to add to the must-read list?

Other New Shows We Like

No time or inclination to do a full post on these, but we thought we would mention that we are liking The Chicago Code and Breaking In. These are good new shows so far.

Much better than Camelot, which we have decided to watch for the sole purpose of hating on it. Look forward to the hate posts, friends.

Bad acting, not a cute Arthur, not interesting, Arthur has no honor, Joseph Fiennes, the show brings nothing new to the table, Arthur is a slut, no good fight scenes, boring, dank atmosphere, Arthur is not a king we would follow..... We could go on. And we will.

We hate that show. Almost as much as we hate Two and a Half Men, a show we won't even watch for hate-post purposes.