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Thursday, September 30, 2010

America's Next Top Model- Matthew Rolston Recap/Review

We diverted our eyes from the opening credits this time. We can bear them no more. The show started out like a bad, all girls episode of The Real World when Kacey invited a bunch of guys to the house to party. Fortunately, the first photo shoot shortly followed. It was on a rollercoaster, and the girls were supposed to portray different emotions while riding it. This challenge would be our nightmare, because one of us is afraid of rollercoasters and never looks good in the rollercoaster pictures.

We felt bad for Chelsey and Chris in this shoot. Chelsey was given “I have a secret” as an emotion. They showed us her picture face-on, and it looked like she was drugged. Yeah, Chelsey has a secret. It’s that she's high. Also, how is “I have a secret” and emotion? Not fair. Someone got “melancholy.” That is way easier. Chris was more afraid of rollercoasters than this blogger, and it was really funny. She shrieked, cried, and joked through the whole thing but was able to go through with the challenge and leave the episode unscathed. Liz was the only contestant who didn’t look like a train wreck, so she won the challenge. We think Liz is very pretty, but she looks more like an actress than a model. She would be great at doing the sorts of roles Eva Mendes does. This challenge photo shoot was a little low budget, don’t you think?

Liz picked two friends, Chris and Kayla, to share her prize with her (hey, Liz’s favorite are our favorites too!). The “prize” was a tea party and a photo shoot with Tyra. We guess if you want to win, the best thing to do is to suck up to Tyra. The judges pick the winners, and the definitely stick with their favorites a lot of the time. Commenting on the tea party, Kayla went on about how nice Tyra is and how she isn’t the model stereotype at all. Either Kayla is brilliant and sucking up, or she is really dumb. Kayla, we love you, but Tyra is on her best behavior when she is interacting with you. She doesn’t want another Adrianne situation. And Tyra absolutely IS the model stereotype, only perhaps a little smarter. Chris, Liz, and Kayla had to recreate an old Tyra shoot, naturally. We don’t think Chris looks like a model at all. It’s possible that Tyra picked her because her features are NOT model-y. Tyra is always trying to put forth common looks and change beauty stereotypes. We admire her efforts, but it’s futile, especially on this show.

Back in the house, Lexie was angry because a lot of the girls, including boy-lover Kacey, don’t do their dishes. Lexie, if you want something done, do it yourself. Lexie decided to publically confront Kacey and tell her that no one in the house likes her. We waited for the other girls to deny it, stick up for Kacey, or stay silent, but apparently Lexie is right. Everyone has a problem with Kacey and thinks she is fake and spoiled. Kacey responds in her interview clip, “I’m feeling a negative vibe from all these girls.” REALLY KACEY? How intuitive. You should be a shaman. Imagine, a bunch of girls tell you off and you get a bad vibe? It’s a gift.

The real photo shoot was pretty and gross at the same time. The girls posed on top of glass, with water-filled glass above them, and nasty eels and other sea creatures around their bodies. Also, there were millions of dollars worth of jewelry draping their half-naked bodies. Their lips were bright red, and they were all given flowing mermaid hair. Tell us this show isn’t the most ridiculous (yet fun) thing on TV. The photographer for the shoot was Matthew Rolston. Chris informed us that “If you don’t know who he is, you stupid.” Well, we guess Chris told this blogger. One of us hasn’t heard of any of the people on this show except for Pat Field. During this shoot, we discovered that Kendal is a complete moron, Esther always looks cinematic, Lexie is still a bad model, and Kacey may be this year’s Melrose. Liz is still complaining, even though she has a kid at home and is on food stamps. She knows she can’t afford to throw this opportunity away by griping, and yet she does it anyway, throwing out multiple excuses. Jay is OVER Liz. We must say, most of the girls looked great with red lips. We think they all need to embrace the look.

At judging, Ann’s photo was fawned over, as usual. They should just call this season “The Ann Show.” But what makes Ann so good? She actually does pull out a good photo every week for being so funny looking. We wonder if the judges don’t actually pick some girls’ best shots, thus ensuring themselves a winner they like. If this show is rigged, we will be upset but not surprised. The judges liked Kacey’s photo, and we have no idea why. It looked comical. Chris’ unorthodox head gave Tyra another opportunity to tell us how she overcomes her forehead. Last week, nearly all the pictures were hideous, but this week, most of the girls were good. Chelsey was bad, but it wasn’t really her fault. Her makeup was too heavy for her. The mean judges said she looked like a drag queen….twice. Liz sucked because she couldn’t see during the photo shoot because of contact lens issues (and then complained about it).

Because Rhianna looked constipated in her photo, she was in the bottom two with Liz. Rhianna got the boot, and we think the judges made the right choice. Liz’s problem is more easily fixed. Once you are aware that you complain a lot, this can be remedied over time, with effort. This blogger has been through this herself. Rhianna had a classy, sweet goodbye monologue that we admired.

Episode grade: B-

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