Quinn Isn't Exactly a Great Legal Mind, Huh?

Glee - "I Am Unicorn"

Kurt is going through this new thing where he doesn’t want his defining factor to be his sexual orientation. Well, he’s got two seasons of behavior to fight against to erase THAT misconception. True, there are millions of gay people in the world, so being gay shouldn’t be a homosexual’s primary identity. But Kurt is always trying to join the girls’ team in gender opposed competitions. And he sings mostly female songs. Kurt called something "gay" in a derogatory way in this episode. Is that allowed? Can we do that now? Or is it like black people with the N-word-- only OK when they say it. (Calm down. We never use the N-word and we don't want to. It's just the most apt comparison.)

Both Brittany and Kurt’s posters were awful. Doesn’t Kurt know that it’s arrogant to talk about yourself being a “legend” in a campaign? The gay posters led to one of the best lines in Glee ever: “This IS toned down. In the earlier version, the unicorn was riding you.” In order to get into an arts school and make it as a leading man, Kurt feels like he needs the lead in West Side Story.

Naturally, Kurt sang one of his most feminine, high songs ever, thinking that would give him the lead. Then he listened to audition judges Beiste, Emma, and Artie deliberate. Beiste liked that Rachel wasn’t fully white and that she had “the eye of the tiger.” Emma liked Mercedes’ soulful voice and that she wasn’t white either.

But all of the judges except Emma agreed that Kurt was “too much of a lady” and “too delicate” to play Tony. Kurt realized that he needed to butch it up. So he dressed in costume, complete with a feather hat, and did a Romeo and Juliet scene with Rachel. Yep, that was his best idea. He introduced the scene by calling it “post coital” and then sat down on a mattress with Rachel.

To everyone who thinks homosexuality is unnatural: We argue that there is nothing more unnatural and awkward to watch then Kurt trying to be straighter. He dropped his voice to a convincingly male pitch though. He did better than we thought he would, so it was unfair of the others to laugh.

Sadly for Kurt, Blaine blew his audition out of the water. While one of us would argue that Blaine is nowhere near butch, he is more “leading man” than Kurt, who, as Burt says, “dresses like he’s the owner of a magic chocolate factory.” Blaine tried to take the role of Bernardo or Officer Krupke, like the best boyfriend ever (and Kurt saw this), but the episode ended with the judges insisting that he read for Tony. It looks like Blaine is going to get this part, which should put an interesting strain on his relationship with Kurt.

Shelby and Baby Beth are back! We loved Shelby’s new hair (not as dark). It softened her chiseled face. Shelby and Rachel met briefly while Rachel was warming up to rehearse for her West Side Story audition. Shelby opens with, “Your range is better.” Actually, we seem to remember her singing both higher and lower in season one. Also, how could Shelby know that from the warm-up snippet, which had Rachel singing right in the middle of just about everyone’s range, unless she was spying on Rachel’s practice for a long time.

Shelby suggested “Somewhere” as Rachel’s audition piece. We started getting chills when the music started, because we knew this was going to be great. Idina wasn’t as impressive in her stint on season one, but she reminded us that she is a Broadway goddess in this song. One of us really didn't like the arrangement, though.

The major meat of this episode, for us, was with Quinn, Shelby, and Puck. Shelby and Quinn’s first meeting got to us. We didn’t know that Quinn was feeling that level of resentment toward Shelby and her own decision. It had to be bad to get her to participate in Sue’s campaign. Sue’s documentary on Quinn’s downfall was hilarious. Of course, that ended badly because Mr. Schue has unexpectedly grown a pair of stones this season, and he slammed them all over Quinn when she played victim. One of us wishes his speech could be broadcast in most high schools in America.

Shelby’s finest moment thus far was when she gave Quinn this advice: “Grow up. First step to becoming an adult? Stop punishing yourself for things that you did when you were a child.” That’s solid advice for most people. Everyone makes mistakes at ages 13-25. We know lots of people who still let those mistakes define them, and it’s sad. Puck cleaned up his act in order to meet baby Beth, and it was adorable.

Quinn pretended to clean up her act. She got a makeover, but the attitude is still there. And she wants full custody of Beth. We would want it too, because Beth is cute. But, legally, Quinn has no chance, unless this show wants to be wildly unrealistic, as usual. While they are giving Quinn custody, they should totally have Artie start walking too!

Some people think that Glee was pushing conformity on the viewers with this storyline, because Quinn went from an alternative style back to a blonde porcelain doll, due to the teachers making her. We don’t see it that way. Because neither are actually Quinn. The adults revolted against Quinn’s “skankwear” because she was posing to put up a wall and picking a stereotype instead of doing the real work of actually figuring out who she is. Also, the bullying, smoking, bad attitude, smearing the Glee club, and shunning all her friends as well. It’s not about blonde and sweet vs. pink and punky. Neither really work for her.

We really liked this episode. We are incensed that Ryan Murphy is having fewer songs per episode, but it does leave time for more grounded, emotional plots. Most of this stuff felt very real and not rushed. However, this marks two episodes so far of The Kurt Show. What do other people have to do to get one of the main plots? We like Kurt, we really really do. One of us even loves his voice, which others criticize as heavily autotuned and too androgynous.

But his plot this week could have been more subtle. We actually didn’t need the scene where Burt told him to write his own stuff. The plot went from a comment on something that could actually happen to a gay arts major to a message, right there. It’s just as hard to make it writing your own gay fiction than it is to make it as an actor.

But the Quinn and Finn plots feel realistic rather than cartoon-y. Everyone freaks out when Rachel, Finn, and Quinn are center-stage, but a lot of the best material comes out of them. Don’t hate just because they are white. We feel like we need more Mercedes though. Good timing for that desire, because she’s at the forefront of next week’s episode. Bring on the belting! Idea: Brittany should be relegated to only one-liners/dancing/side character status, but she should have webisodes that are her v-logs we saw last season.

We liked the heavy Coach Beiste inclusion, because she’s both unique and underused. Glee just has too many great characters and singers. This is the only show that really has this problem right now. Ugh. It's a blessing and a curse. But this episode feels like a step in the right direction. Loving all the Broadway song choices so far. Add in some classic rock, and the song choices will be perfect.

Episode Grade: B+