Ern reads 50 Shades of Grey post 3

AJ Ashton

I'm starting to regret reading this book. I may stop. But I want to get to the sex part and see how horrible it is. 

Chapters 4-5

Grey warns Ana that he’s not the guy for her and that she should steer clear of him. Just like Edward Cullen. Since Grey didn’t want to kiss Ana, she sits on the floor of the parking garage and sobs after he leaves. Okay. I hate her. She blames herself, obviously, because she must have messed it up. Guys, if someone doesn’t want you after one date, it’s not always something you did wrong. Sometimes you’re just not what they are looking for right now, they know it’s a bad match, and they rejected you for something you’d never change anyway. It’s okay.

E.L. James quickly points out that this is the first time Perfect Ana has been rejected. Ana says she never puts herself out there because of “a lifetime of insecurity.” Her insecurities include being too skinny. THAT’S NOT SOMETHING TO BE INSECURE ABOUT THESE DAYS. She’s also “too pale” and “too scruffy.” Scruffy? What’s scruffy? I want to grab this girl, shake her, and shout MY list of insecurities at her. Those are real, dammit, and they aren’t all physical. It’s much worse to be insecure about your character or personality.

Ana finishes school the next day and thinks she might go out and get drunk for the first time! Ugh. If Ana is going to be the epitome of untouched innocence in every way, I’m going to need an explanation. There needs to be a reason she’s this way. Maybe she was sick for a long time as a child, was raised Mormon, was homeschooled for a long time, has social anxiety, had a controlling parent, or lived in a really small town. These are the things that could make this innocence thing not stupid. Grey sends her some expensive first edition old books with a quote that warns her away from him. Kate says the f-word, and Ana giggles. I’m surprised her precious ears didn’t burn off.

They go to a bar and Ana gets drunk. She drunk dials Grey (who tracks her cell phone on the internet). Jose makes a pass and keeps trying to kiss Ana, even though she clearly says no. Grey shows up just in time to be the hero. Ana vomits. Grey takes her back inside for water, while Grey’s brother, Elliot, romances Kate. Elliot actually seems alright so far. Grey dances with Ana. Ana thinks, “My mother said never to trust a man who can dance.” Umm, probably because it means they are gay. Ana passes out and wakes up in Grey’s hotel room. She doesn’t have that bad of a hangover. B-frickin-S. If you drink so much you pass out (not recommended), your hangover is hell and it lasts for two days. Perfect girls don’t get hangovers, I guess.

Grey talks to her, in a fatherly way. Ana calls him a courtly knight, and Grey answers that he’s more of a dark knight. Aw HELL no. Grey is not Batman. I resent the implication. He says, “If you were mine, you wouldn’t be able to sit down for a week after the stunt you pulled yesterday.” Ana doesn’t react to this at all, even in her inner monologue. Did she not hear this? If I heard this from a guy, I would run from his room screaming. What the heck? Ana tells Grey she wants him, despite his warnings. He says she has to actually sign consent forms before he touches her. Well…that’s good. And weird. Grey says that tonight, Ana will show her everything and then she will run for the hills. They get in an elevator together so that they can take his private helicopter (that he can fly) to dinner. In the elevator, he decides to forget the paperwork long enough to pin her arms and kiss her.

Another thing that’s bugging me is that Ana is always like: “How could the Christian Grey want inferior old me! How could I be worthy? It boggles the mind. Oh, my, this Greek god wants me.” If someone loves you, it’s best not to question why or idolize them because the world thinks that person is too good for you. You’re two people. You’re equals. No one is more valuable. Looks and money are temporary things. If someone loves you, you have something you need. Thinking you’re unworthy and feeling insecure is a way to ruin everything for no reason.