The Vampire Diaries- Summary of seasons one and two.

Ok, stop laughing TVD fans. We can do this. This show CAN be summarized in under two million words. We know people don’t have time to catch up on a show but have heard this one is good. So if you are thinking of starting up in September, for the first time, read on. But be aware that like ten important things happen per episode (because the pacing is brilliant), so this is a long one. Those who want to brush up on the mythology can read this too, because we included most of it.

Why you should watch this show: Do you like plot twists? Do you like plot twists that make you gasp out loud or shriek? Well then, let us introduce you to the show that has at least two major ones per episode. The number-one good thing about this show is that, after the first three episodes or so, it never, ever drags. Also, the romances are actually healthy. The teenagers on the show are actually good people, for the most part, who act with maturity and even some integrity. There are plenty of people to root for. And there are plenty of people to hate. The baddies bring the action. Fine, we will now get to the number two good thing about this show: Hot guys. It’s against this show’s policy to cast any uggos. The girls are pretty too, guys. While there is a romance element, the violence, mystery, and creepitude could make this an option for young guys to watch too.

The worst thing about this show? The name of it. We’ve said it before, and we’ll say it again: The name of the show, the channel it airs on, and the fact that Twilight exists all compile to trick people into not knowing this is an awesome show. So watch it. It’s best to catch up, but if you can’t, you can start watching after you read this.

Summary starts here. Spoilers too:First, read the cast of characters. You can refer to the picture. (From Left to Right) Elena, Stefan, Jeremy, Damon, and Caroline. Bonnie is seated.

• Elena Gilbert- The main female character, a high school girl. She’s just like Bella Swan, only not stupid, not weak, not confused, and not useless. She’s adopted, but that’s going to be news to her at some point during the series.
• Jeremy Gilbert- Elena’s younger brother who spends, like, 90% of the series moping.
• Jenna Sommers- Elena and Jeremy’s aunt who is their legal guardian. Largely useless for most of the series. But TVD characters don’t stay useless for long….
• John Gilbert- Uhhhhhhh. Elena’s uncle. Let’s go with that. (He’s really her dad. Her mom’s name is Isobel Flemming. She makes an appearance later.)
• Stefan Salvatore- A vampire who tries to be good. This does not stop him from having bad-ass moments.
• Damon Salvatore- Stefan’s older brother, the anti-hero of the series. He’s like Jack Bauer, Professor Snape, Mephistopheles, a drunk teenager, an angry homeless guy, with a dash of The Dark Knight’s Joker piled into the body of a hot guy. Who is a vampire. Who sometimes has feelings.
• Katherine Pierce- A vampire. We really can’t get into Katherine without giving a HECK of a lot of back story, but remember her name, because she is important. And awesome.
• Klaus- Remember him too. Back story needed. Yada yada. Remember “Elijah” too. They’re vampires who are gonna pop up and wreak havoc.
• Bonnie Bennett- Elena’s best friend, a witch, and the only minority main character. So she’s easy to spot, lol.
• Caroline Forbes- Elena’s other friend. She’s the blonde one. Largely useless for the first season, except to make Elena look classy because of how jealous and selfish Caroline always was. But, again, TVD characters don’t stay useless for long. In fact, she’s in our top three characters right now.
• Matt Donovan- Elena’s ex-boyfriend.
• Vicki Donovan- Matt’s beautiful, but troubled, older sister. She’s into sex, drugs, and rock ‘n roll. If only that were ALL she got into….
• Tyler Lockwood- The mayor’s son who is kind of a douche. Largely useless for the first season, but, well, you know.
• Alaric Saltzman- A history teacher at the high school. And Damon’s best buddy. Sort of. After a while. There’s a bromance, we swear. But we’ll get to that.

When we first meet Elena, her parents have been killed in a car accident. Elena was in the car when it went into water and sank, but she survived. Now, Elena and Jeremy are living with their Aunt Jenna in the town they grew up in, Mystic Falls. Jeremy has turned to drugs to ease the pain, and he is also having a secret fling with Vicki, even though she is dating Tyler Lockwood. At school, Elena catches the eye of a new student, Stefan Salvatore. They are clearly attracted to each other. The audience finds out early on that Stefan is a vampire. After all, the title of the show and the paleness of Stefan’s skin made keeping it a “secret” a stupid idea. Later, Vicki is found bitten and attacked, presumably by a wild animal. Stefan knows better and realizes that he is not the only vampire in Mystic Falls. He then comes face-to-face with his older brother, Damon, who he has not seen in 15 years. While Stefan survives on animal blood, Damon has no problem feasting on humans. Stefan decides that this town ain't big enough for the both of them.

Bonnie tells Elena that she came from a Salem witch lineage, according to her grandmother (Grams). The audience realizes that this is going to come up later, in a big way. Matt moons over Elena, who he has known and loved all his life, but who dumped him. He tells Elena that he and Vicki are living alone because his mom skipped town with her boyfriend. Matt also tells Elena that Vicki believes she was attacked by vampires, but Matt just thinks Vicki can’t remember properly because she was drunk the night before. Stefan overhears this and goes to Vicki’s hospital room to alter her memory. Elena visits the old Salvatore mansion and meets Damon, who talks about Stefan’s ex, Katherine, and undermines Elena’s confidence in Stefan. At a comet-watching town event, Damon taunts Stefan by grabbing Vicki, dangling her off a roof, and enthralling her. Then he lets her go. That night, Stefan and Elena kiss for the first time. Damon’s attentions turn to Caroline, Elena’s insecure friend/competition in town.

Bonnie has bad feelings about Stefan, because she’s a supernatural creature about to come into her own. Elena’s solution is to invite Bonnie and Stefan over to dinner, but Damon and Caroline crash too. Damon has enthralled and slept with Caroline. Elena invites Damon into her house (now he can enter whenever he wants), freaking Stefan out. Stefan gives Elena a necklace filled with an herb called “vervain” that prevents vampires from enthralling the human wearing or drinking it. This works. Damon tries to enthrall Elena into kissing him and is rewarded with a slap. Tyler and Jeremy get into a fight, and Stefan gets his hand cut stopping the fight. After the fight, Elena looks for Stefan’s wound, but finds that it is gone. Stefan tries to convince Elena that he was never cut. Stefan tries to tell Damon that he (Damon) still has some humanity left, but Damon just kills the high school history teacher/football coach in response (which we approved of, since he was an ass). Then Damon pulls an Edward Cullen and watches Elena sleep, stroking her cheek.

Then the town has a big party (Founder’s Party), hosted by the mayor, Tyler’s dad. Stefan and Elena go together, and Vicki goes with Tyler. Tyler’s parents do not approve of Vicki, and he does not treat her well at the party. Vicki goes back to Jeremy and they go into a bedroom. You know what that means… That they played Cranium! (No, not really.) Elena finds out about Caroline and Damon “dating” and spots bruises under Caroline’s scarf, and she chews Damon out. Damon takes an amber crystal that is an historical artifact from the Lockwood Estate. Stefan spikes Caroline’s drink with vervain so that Damon will get sick when he drinks from her. This works, and Stefan locks Damon up in the Salvatore mansion’s cellar. A human Salvatore descendant, Zach, stands guard.

Meanwhile, Caroline has passed out on said lawn. She comes to, finds the amber crystal that Damon accidentally dropped, and then sobs in Elena’s arms, confused and hurt. She has no memory of what Damon did to her. We then see that there is something called “The Founders Council” that includes the Mayor, his wife, Sheriff Forbes (Caroline’s mother), and a reporter (Logan, Jenna’s jerk of an ex). The council watches out for vampires and knows that the town has a history riddled with them. The council has realized that vampires have returned to Mystic Falls, because of all the drained bodies Damon has been leaving around. They remark that they need to get a pocket watch that belongs to the Gilbert family. Jeremy has it.

Elena finds out more about Damon and Stefan’s past. They had a love triangle with a girl named Katherine Pierce, who died, and that’s one of the reasons they don’t get along. Damon becomes weaker, locked up without blood. Stefan’s plan is for him to fully run out of blood and become a desiccated, living corpse that can be revived with blood…in fifty years after Damon has had time to re-think his murderous behavior. But Damon escapes, kills Zach, and goes to feed on Vicki. We find out that the reason the brothers can go out into the sunlight is that they have nifty magical rings that help them not burst into flames, which not every vampire has. Bonnie starts to discover some of her witch powers. Reporter Logan has dinner at the Gilbert house and steals the family pocket watch from Jeremy. Stefan has dinner with Elena and she cuts her finger while cooking. Elena catches a brief sight of Stefan’s “hungry vampire face”. Then, an old man comes up to Elena and remarks that Stefan looks like someone he knew nearly sixty years ago during a period of animal attacks. Elena goes into news archives to research the ‘50s animal attacks and sees a picture of Stefan Salvatore, who obviously hasn’t aged a day. It is here that Elena figures out Stefan is a vampire. In the fifth episode. Smart girl.

She goes to Stefan with questions, and he tells her that he and Damon were in love with Katherine Pierce back in 1864. Elena does what you SHOULD do when you figure out your boyfriend is a vampire: She dumps Stefan. Finally, the right response. What a smart lamb. What a lying lion. See what we did there? Now Stefan has to earn her trust back. Meanwhile, Damon dances and drinks at the Salvatore mansion, with Vicki, who he changes into a vampire. In order to complete the transformation, Vicki needs to feed on human blood, or she will die. Stefan tries to talk her into dying, but she wants plan B. Logan uses the pocket watch to find vampires (because that’s what it does), and he finds Stefan and Vicki in the woods. Logan shoots Stefan with a wooden bullet, but Damon saves him by attacking Logan. Vicki feeds on Logan, completing her transformation.

Stefan makes it his responsibility to help Vicki control her hunger, but she is wild. Because she was an irresponsible, impulsive addict in life, she doesn’t have the discipline to keep it together. She slams Elena up against a wall and chews Elena out for breaking her brother’s heart (Matt, remember?). Caroline gives the amber crystal to Bonnie, which results in Bonnie having a nightmare and waking up in the local cemetery, with the crystal. At an after-school Halloween party, Vicki finds Jeremy and starts making out with him. When blood is drawn, Vicki can think of nothing else. Elena finds them and attacks Vicki with a 2x4. Vicki throws Elena out of the way. Stefan shows up and is forced to stake and kill Vicki to save them. Jeremy grieves over Vicki. Elena asks Stefan to erase Jeremy’s memory of what happened. Stefan is too weak because he feeds on animals, so Damon volunteers to do it. He does that and more. After this, Jeremy is no longer into drugs and concentrates on his schoolwork. Vicki is buried in the woods and everyone in Mystic Falls assumes that she skipped town, like her mother.

At The Grill, Mystic Falls most happenin’ bar and restaurant, Damon and Mayor Lockwood's wife talk, and, after she has too much to drink, the the wife clues Damon into the existence of The Founder’s Council. She obviously doesn’t suspect that he’s a vampire. He's just so charming and polite! Damon gives the Founder's Council a box of the vervain. Lexi, Stefan’s cool vampire best friend, shows up in Mystic Falls and speaks to Elena, putting a good word in for Stefan. To get suspicion off of himself and his brother, Damon sets Lexi up to look like the vampire who has been killing people. The police grab Lexi, with the help of the vervain, and Damon stakes her outside of The Grill. Damon also manages to get close to Sheriff Forbes (Caroline's mom). Stefan nearly kills Damon but spares his life as repayment for Damon saving him from Logan. But Stefan declares he and his brother “done.”

Damon wants his crystal back from Caroline, but he can’t have it, because it’s Bonnie’s now. Bonnie’s grandmother told her that it was a talisman that she needed to hold onto. Damon is mean to Caroline because of this development, so she gets drunk at The Grill and Matt carries her home. He stays with her through the night to comfort her, and one of our favorite relationships was born. Matt and Caroline :). The school gets a new history teacher, Alaric Saltzman, and he and Jenna start dating.

Bonnie has dreams involving a witch ancestor named Emily, so she gets Caroline and Elena, and the three hold a séance which results in Emily possessing Bonnie. Damon tells Stefan that he came back to Mystic Falls in order to resurrect Katherine using the amber crystal that Katherine gave to Emily on her last day alive. Damon reveals that Katherine isn’t dead. She’s just trapped in Fell’s Church as a desiccated corpse with a bunch of other vampires. Damon had to wait for this year, the year of the comet, in order for the spell to work and free Katherine. All of those vampires were trapped by the townspeople, and Stefan feared that if the vamps were raised, they would seek revenge on their enemies’ descendants - the residents of Mystic falls. Damon obviously doesn’t care about that.

Damon went to Fell’s Church and ran into Emily/Bonnie. He reminds Emily that they made a deal that Damon would protect Emily’s descendents if Emily would ensure the resurrect-ability of Katherine. Emily goes back on her word, destroys the crystal, and departs Bonnie’s body. Damon attacks Bonnie, but Stefan saves her by giving her some of his blood. Bonnie freaks out, so Elena has to tell her everything. Logan returns…as a vampire, showing that there are other vampires around, otherwise, who turned him? He kills several townspeople and harasses Jenna. Sheriff Forbes goes to Damon and tells him that there is another vampire loose. Logan kidnaps Caroline, but she is saved by the Salvatore brothers. Logan tells Damon that he knows of another way to get Katherine back. Damon lets him go, making it look like Logan overpowered him. He brings Caroline back to the Sheriff, and the Sheriff trusts Damon even more now. Alaric finds Logan and tells him to leave Jenna alone. Logan attacks, but Alaric stakes and kills Logan. Damon gets credit for the kill when the Sheriff finds Logan’s body.

Elena tells Stefan that she loves him and they have sex. But then Elena finds a photo of Katherine and realizes that Katherine and Elena look EXACTLY like each other. She freaks and leaves. She gets in a car accident while trying not to hit a pedestrian. It becomes apparent that the pedestrian is not human as he approaches her overturned car. Damon arrives and the stranger runs. Damon takes Elena with him on a road trip to Georgia to see a witch named Bree. Bree and Damon had a fling, and Damon was hoping that she would help him open the tomb to free Katherine. Unfortunately for Damon, Bree was a friend of Lexi’s. She calls Lexi’s boyfriend so that the boyfriend could try to kill Damon for revenge. Elena saves Damon by talking the boyfriend out of killing him. Bree helps Damon find Emily’s spellbook and then Damon kills Bree. Damon and Elena return to Mystic Falls. They are more friendly now.

Stefan tells Elena that when he first returned to his home town and saw Elena, he was curious about her perfect resemblance to Katherine, so he watched Elena. He saw that she was a good person, unlike Katherine. Stefan reveals that he saved Elena from the car crash her parents died in. He couldn’t save her parents in time. He also tells Elena that he knows that she is adopted, due to his extensive, but understandable, stalking. Elena forgives Stefan. She has a talk with Jenna, who tells Elena that she knows Elena was adopted. Jenna knows that the birth mother’s name was “Isobel.” Meanwhile, Matt and Caroline continue their fledgling romantic relationship, but there is tension due to how poor Matt is and how in love with Elena he used to be (and probably still is, a little bit). Also, Caroline is insecure, and no teenage boy is truly up to the task of handling that.

Jeremy meets a girl named Anna and they research the town’s history of vampire mythology together, for extra credit in Alaric’s class. Jeremy is interested because he found a journal of one of his ancestors (Jonathan Gilbert) that mentions vampires. Anna tries to get closer to Jeremy and read his ancestor’s journal. We find out that Anna and bartender Ben are vampires who are also romantically involved. Alaric, meanwhile, spots Damon and recognizes Damon as the vampire he saw biting on his wife, who is now dead. This is why Alaric is such a bitchin’ vampire slayer. He wants revenge for his wife’s death, and he has been trying to track Damon down for years.

Matt takes a job as a busboy at The Grill and spends some time with a former high-school football star, Ben, who returned to town and took a job as a bartender. Bonnie has a date with Ben, discovers he’s a vampire, and is kidnapped. Damon and Stefan kill the strange vampire who was stalking Elena when she nearly hit him with her car. Before he died, the vampire said that the Gilbert journal holds clues to getting into Katherine’s tomb. Alaric tells Jenna that his wife was named Isobel. Stefan lies to Damon by agreeing to help him free Katherine.

Stefan finds out, via the Gilbert journal, that the way into the tomb is in Emily’s Grimoire (spell book), which can be found in Stefan’s father’s grave. Stefan and Elena go to the Salvatore grave to look for Emily’s Grimoire. We find out that Anna is the daughter of a vampire named Pearl. Pearl is one of the vampires that was trapped in the Fell’s Church tomb, and Anna wants her mommy back. The townspeople thought they burned the vampires, but Emily entombed and protected them. Damon goes to his father’s grave, finding his brother and Elena, who have just dug up the Grimoire. Damon takes the book, and Stefan brings Elena home. Elena is taken by Anna, and Stefan quickly notices. Stefan goes to Grams for help (Bonnie’s witch grandma, remember?). Stefan kills Ben and retrieves Bonnie and Elena.

Bonnie and Grams open the tomb, and Damon finds many vampires in the tomb, but none of them are Katherine. All of the vampires escape the tomb and team up with Pearl and Anna. Pearl is the boss, because she is the oldest. The plan? To take over the town. The seal of the tomb is only temporarily broken, so Damon and Stefan leave before they are sealed inside. Elena comforts a heartbroken Damon. Damon finds out from Anna that a church guard let Katherine go, so she was never inside the tomb. Anna tells Damon that she saw Katherine in 1983, in Chicago, and that Katherine didn’t even care enough to let Damon know that she was still alive. Grams dies from the strain of opening the tomb.

Matt’s mother, Kelly, returns, and she doesn’t like Caroline. Then Kelly gets drunk and makes out with Damon, and her son has to drive her home. Parent of the year. Alaric finds out that his wife was actually Elena’s mother and that Isobel is NOT dead. She was turned into a vampire by Damon. She asked to be turned, because she was bored with her life and marriage. Alaric confronts Damon and Damon stabs Alaric with a stake. Alaric dies but comes back to life, due to his own magic ring that Isobel gave him before she left. He who wears such a ring cannot be killed by a vampire. Elena is searching for her birth mother, but she receives a phone call telling her to stay away.

Pearl tries to recruit Damon, but he turns her down and there is violence. Two vampires who blamed Stefan and Damon for their years of being in the tomb break into the Salvatore mansion and attack the brothers. Stefan kills one but the other, Frederick, escapes. Jeremy figures out that Anna is a vampire and suspects that Vicki was too. He cuts his hand to tempt Anna and prove his theory. Then Jeremy asks Anna to turn him, but she says no at first. Stefan is later captured by Frederick and some other vampires who plan to kill him, slowly. Damon and Alaric become friends long enough to team up and get Stefan out. Elena helps too. Damon and Alaric end up killing most of the vampires while Elena escapes with Stefan. Frederick chases after them and hurts Stefan. Elena feeds Stefan her blood to heal him and Stefan loses control of himself for a scary second. Damon catches Stefan drinking all of his stored up blood bags that he stole from the hospital, meaning that Stefan has lost control of his hunger.

Caroline finds Vicki’s body in the woods, and this obviously upsets Matt, Kelly, and Jeremy. Kelly gets drunk and makes out with Tyler. Matt catches them and gets into a fight with Tyler at a fancy party. Tyler’s father hits him for embarrassing the family, and Matt throws his mother out of the house. John Gilbert, Jeremy’s uncle, arrives in Mystic Falls. Elena doesn’t like him. After finding out that Uncle John is on the Sheriff’s vamp-hunting council and that Uncle John is wise to Damon’s vampirism, Damon pushes Uncle John off of a balcony. But John Gilbert also has a magic ring like Alaric’s, so the killing didn’t take. Jeremy reads Elena’s diary to find out if she knows anything. He sees details of Vicki’s death and his memory loss. He is pretty hacked off about it.

We find out that Uncle John gave his own magic ring to Isobel (and it obviously ended up with Alaric). Uncle John knew her in high school. The magic ring Uncle John wears used to belong to his brother, Elena’s adoptive father. It was Uncle John who introduced Isobel to Damon so that Damon could turn her. Meanwhile, Stefan is starting to act rudely as he struggles to control his new drinking habits. Damon tells Elena that Stefan is still drinking human blood, and Elena confronts Stefan. Stefan gets angry and breaks a mirror. This act is seen by a teen girl, so Stefan abducts her.

The town has a “Founder’s Day Gala” complete with a “Miss Mystic Falls” contest. Caroline wins, and everyone is surprised that she beats golden girl Elena. Stefan is supposed to be Elena’s escort, but Damon steps in at the last possible second, because Stefan is off being obsessed with blood. Damon and Elena share the sexiest dance in The C.W.’s history, reminding us all why everyone ships these two. Holy chemistry, Batman!

Bonnie, who left town for a while after Grams died, returns and is cold toward Elena because she is dating Stefan/Bonnie is at a point where she is done with all vampires. After the contest, Damon, Elena, and Bonnie find Stefan and stop him from losing control and hurting the teen girl. Elena injects Stefan with vervain, and Damon locks Stefan in the cellar. We then get lots of flashbacks when Stefan and Damon tell Elena about how they were turned into vampires. Apparently, Stefan was never good with human blood and always had trouble with control.

Here’s the backstory: Damon was always in on Katherine’s vampirism and diabolical plans, but Stefan was compelled by Katherine. Both human boys were drinking Katharine’s blood, and if you die with vampire blood in your system, that’s the first step to being fully turned. On the night the vampires were entombed, the boys tried to help Katharine escape, but they were shot. Emily found them the next morning and gave them magic rings that Katherine had Emily make for them. The boys agreed to die rather than complete their transformation. Damon didn’t want to be a vampire unless he could be one with Katherine. Stefan went home, and his father revealed that he knew about Katherine and their fling. It was the brothers’ own father who had shot them. Stefan killed his father in self defense and then feasted on his remains. Stefan brought Damon a young woman and tempted Damon with her blood. Damon couldn’t resist and the other transition was complete. This is probably the main reason that Damon is annoyed when Stefan starts acting holy. The reason Damon hates Stefan is that Katherine was only supposed to turn Damon, but Stefan stole her heart.

Damon and Alaric team up to find a device that could hurt vampires before Uncle John can get it. John Gilbert stakes and kills Pearl, devastating Anna. She goes to Jeremy for comfort. Elena releases Stefan, who is calmer but still craves blood, and he resolves to die/kill himself, but Elena convinces him to fight, and the storyline takes on a surprisingly powerful parallel to real-life suicide issues. Bravo, show. There’s no rest for anyone on The Vampire Diaries, so the next person to show up is Isobel, and she’s not very nice. She tells Alaric to arrange a meeting between herself and Elena. Isobel asks Elena where the vampire-hurting device is, and Elena tells her that Damon has it. Isobel threatens to kill everyone in Elena’s life if Elena doesn’t get the old invention from Damon and bring it to her.

We find out that Isobel and Uncle John are both working for Katherine, but Uncle John has his own plan to betray Katherine and use the device to kill all the vampires in town. Isobel kidnaps Jeremy to show Elena that she means business. Damon gives Elena the device and Elena brings it to Bonnie so that Bonnie could disable it. Bonnie only pretends to disable it, because she wants vampires dead. Elena brings her mother the device, and Isobel says that she knew Damon would give it to Elena, because Damon is in love with Elena. Isobel reveals that Uncle John is Elena’s biological father. Isobel dated him in high school. Isobel shows some caring for Elena, warning her not to become a vampire.

In the season one finale, it’s Founder’s Day. Anna gives Jeremy a vial of her blood so that he can become a vampire if he wants. Damon and Alaric get their bromance on again to try to stop Uncle John from killing all of the vampires. But Uncle John is able to activate the device anyway. It turns out that the device generates a signal that disables vampires, and some other supernatural creatures. Even though he is not a vampire, Mayor Lockwood falls. Members of the Founder’s Council scoop up those who fall and take them to the basement of an old building. Anna, Mayor Lockwood, and most of the tomb vampires are killed when the basement is set on fire with them inside.

Stefan realizes he still loves his brother and Damon realizes he still has some good in him. Bonnie saves Stefan and Damon because of Elena. But she warns Stefan that if Damon kills again, she will take them down. Tyler is driving Caroline and Matt when the device is activated. Tyler loses control of the car, because the device affects him like it did his father. Caroline winds up in the hospital, gravely injured. Jeremy hears about Anna’s death, drinks her blood, and takes lots of pain pills, because rumor has it you can turn off your feelings if you are a vampire (it makes you a monster, like Damon used to be), and he doesn’t want to feel any more pain.

Damon walks Elena home and they kiss on Elena’s front porch. Jenna opens the door, catches them, and tells Elena to come inside. Elena goes into the kitchen, takes a kitchen knife, and cuts off some of Uncle John’s fingers. Uncle John gasps, “Katherine!” The real Elena walks into her house and heads toward the kitchen. The season ends on that cliffhanger.

Season 2:
Katherine slinks off, leaving Elena to find her injured birth father and unconscious brother. Uncle John goes to the hospital to get his fingers sewn back on, and Jeremy does not die from the pills he took. Damon donates blood to Caroline so that Caroline would use that strength to pull through. Damon realizes that Katherine is around, pretending to be Elena when it suits her. Katherine shows up at the Salvatore mansion and starts foreplay with Damon. The two drink and kiss and our TV nearly explodes due to the hotness. Then Katherine ruins their impending sex by telling Damon that she never loved him and that it was Stefan that she always loved. Crushed, Damon goes to Elena’s and tries to kiss her. Elena turns him down, also preferring Stefan to Damon. In a rage, Damon snaps Jeremy’s neck, but Jeremy survives, because he was wearing Uncle John’s ring.

Tyler finds comfort when his Uncle Mason comes to town. Mason questions Tyler about his anger problems, and Mason also looks for a Lockwood family heirloom called “the moonstone.” We find out that Uncle Mason is a werewolf. Katherine goes to the hospital and tells Caroline to deliver the following message to Damon and Stefan: “Game on.” Then Katherine smothers Caroline with a pillow, and Caroline dies with Damon’s blood in her system. Caroline wakes up the next morning, craving blood, and drinks blood bags in the hospital. Caroline’s memory of how Damon treated her in the first season has fully returned. She confronts Damon, lifts him, and throws him on the floor. Caroline attacks a boy and drains him.

Elena and Stefan find Caroline in the aftermath, with her mouth covered with blood. Damon votes that Caroline be killed, but Elena and Stefan disagree. Bonnie is horrified by Caroline’s vampirism and killing of their classmate, and she blames Damon. Bonnie nearly kills him with her witch powers, but Elena stops her. Matt notices a change in Caroline and just thinks she’s having a crazy couple of days after nearly dying. He tells her that he loves her.

Damon, Alaric, and Damon go to Duke University where Isobel used to work. They want to dig up her old research to find out more about Katherine and the Lockwoods. There, they find information on werewolves. Werewolves and vampires were cursed by a shaman so that the werewolves are slaves of the moon and the vampires are slaves of the sun. Before, vampires could walk in the sun freely and werewolves had more control over their transformations. Damon tells Elena that Katherine’s real name is Katerina Petrova. Elena starts to forgive Damon for hurting Jeremy.

Meanwhile, Stefan trains Caroline to control herself and hunt animals instead of humans. Stefan convinces Bonnie to make Caroline a ring that will allow her to walk around in the day. Mason Lockwood has a plan to chain himself up for the full moon, but that goes awry and he nearly kills Stefan and Caroline. Tyler interferes by shouting at Werewolf Mason. Tyler later finds Mason and realizes that his uncle is a werewolf. The next time Caroline makes out with Matt, she loses control and feeds on him. She erases his memory of the event and acts crazy so that he will break up with her and be safe. But that night, Caroline wakes up and finds Katherine in her room. Katherine threatens Caroline and orders her to break Stefan and Elena up. Caroline tries, and Elena quickly realizes that Caroline is under orders.

Katherine lets Stefan know that, unless he breaks up with Elena, Katherine will kill Elena and everyone Elena knows. Stefan and Elena agree to pretend to break up until they can get the Katherine situation under control. They stage a breakup in a place where they can be heard by Damon and Caroline. A flashback shows us that Katherine really does love Stefan. Meanwhile, Damon becomes obsessed with proving that Mason is a werewolf and tries to get Mason to touch silver. Mason tries to make peace with Damon, but Damon stabs him with a silver knife in a parking lot. Mason informs Damon that the whole “silver kills a werewolf” thing is a myth. Damon has made yet another enemy. Mason wastes no time in telling Sheriff Forbes that Stefan and Damon are vampires. At a picnic, the Sheriff puts vervain in Damon’s drink and confirms this. The Sheriff and her cops capture the Salvatore brothers, and Caroline and Elena arrive just in time to stop Sheriff Forbes from killing the brothers.

When the Sheriff finds out that her daughter is a vampire, she rejects Caroline. Caroline and the brothers keep the Sheriff locked up. Eventually, the Sheriff realizes that Caroline has grown bold, secure, brave, and mature as a vampire, and she promises to keep Caroline’s secret, but Caroline erases her mother’s memory just in case, which broke our hearts. Caroline comes clean to Elena about Katherine’s threats and Elena forgives Caroline. Meanwhile, Tyler gives his Uncle Mason the moonstone. Then we find out that Mason is working for (and sleeping with) Katherine, who is after the moonstone herself.

Damon captures Mason (with Bonnie’s help), and he tortures Mason for information on Katherine and the moonstone. But Mason does not break, because he loves Katherine. Damon kills him. Bonnie has a vision that Mason hid the moonstone in a well and Elena retrieves it. Damon informs Katherine that Mason is dead. We find out that Jenna has been compelled by Katherine, and Jenna has been reporting back to Katherine that Stefan and Elena have not really broken up. Katherine compels Jenna to stab herself in the stomach in front of Alaric and her family. Jenna lives but spends time in the hospital. Elena breaks up with Stefan for real. Katherine needs another werewolf, so she compels Matt to attack Tyler, repeatedly, until Tyler kills Matt and completes his transition into full werewolf, because it’s in his family line and blood.

The Salvatore brothers, Jeremy, Alaric, Caroline, and Bonnie plan to kill Katherine at an upcoming masquerade ball. A witch named Lucy comes to help Katherine. Katherine goes to the ball pretending to be Elena and threatens to kill people if the brothers don’t hand over the moonstone. That’s how Katherine ends up with it. Caroline, Stefan, and Damon trick and trap Katherine into a room that Bonnie has done a spell on, preventing Katherine from being able to leave. Elena shows up at the ball, and Jeremy and Bonnie clue her into the plan.

Stefan and Damon attempt to kill Katherine by staking her, but they stop when Jeremy rushes in and informs them that whatever they do to Katherine happens to Elena as well. Katherine had Lucy link the lookalikes with a spell. Bonnie asks Lucy, witch-to-witch, to lift the spell from Elena. Lucy does it and also knocks Katherine out. Elena heals. Damon traps Katherine in the old tomb and seals it. Before he leaves, Katherine tells him that Elena is still in danger. On her way home, Elena is taken by a stranger wearing a mask. He turns out to be working for a vampire named Trevor.

During the ball, Matt, Tyler, and classmate, Sara, are drinking heavily in a room they have all to themselves. Matt attempts to fight Tyler. Caroline hears the fight and stops it (in a bad-ass way), but she clues Tyler into the fact that she is special in the process. Sara, who Katherine also compelled, stabs Tyler with a knife. Tyler accidentally kills her and triggers the werewolf curse. Tyler bugs Caroline until she tells him her secret. She doesn’t tell him about any of the other vampires though.

Trevor takes Elena to an abandoned, old house where he meets up with another vampire named Rose. Bonnie uses a spell to find Elena, and the brothers go to get her. Rose tells Elena that Elijah is one of the original vampires and that Elijah wants “a Petrova doppelganger” who is the key to breaking the curse of the sun and the moon. Elena is the current Petrova doppelganger, and that’s why she looks just like Katherine. Trevor helped Katherine, the last Petrova doppelganger, escape from the originals hundreds of years ago. But the originals held a grudge against Trevor and Rose for the act, and they have spent centuries running and hiding from the originals. Now, they are tired of running and want to deliver Elena in exchange for freedom.

Elijah shows up at the house and agrees to the deal, but he kills Trevor. Elena tells Elijah that she knows where the moonstone is, in order to bargain with him and stall him, but he takes her vervain necklace and compels her to tell him everything. Stefan and Damon finally arrive and stake Elijah. Rose tells Stefan that the originals will come for Elena, under orders from “Klaus.” Elena goes home, and Damon brings her vervain necklace to her room, late at night. Before giving Elena the necklace, Damon confesses that he loves her and also says that he doesn’t deserve Elena, but Stefan does. He erases Elena’s memory of his confession and leaves the necklace with her.

It turns out Elijah is very hard to kill, because he wakes up hours later and pulls the stake out of his chest. (It is about this time in writing this summary that this blogger’s eye starting twitching like mad and she had to take a break from it.) Elena goes to the tomb and offers the almost-starving Katherine a bottle of blood in exchange for her story. Once again, it’s flashback time. We go back to Bulgaria in 1490 where Katherine (Katerina Petrova) is having a baby girl out of wedlock. Katherine asks to hold her baby, the her family takes the baby away. Elena is the descendant of that baby. Katherine went to England where she met Trevor and Elijah. They saw that she was a doppelganger in the Petrova line, so Elijah planned to kill her to break the curse. But Trevor had fallen in love with her and helped her escape. Katherine became a vampire so that she would be useless to Elijah (the doppelganger has to be human to break the curse with her death). Klaus killed Katherine’s family as payback. Katherine has been running from the originals’ revenge ever since.

Katherine returned to Mystic Falls to make peace with Elijah and Klaus by helping them break the curse. The ingredients are Elena, a witch (Bonnie), a werewolf (Tyler), a vampire (Caroline), and the moonstone. Meanwhile, Jeremy starts falling for Bonnie, but Bonnie is attracted to a warlock named Luca who just moved into town with his father. It turns out that both Luca and his father are working for Elijah. Damon and Rose go to a vampire named Slater to find out more about Klaus, but Elijah overhears them. Later, Elijah compels Slater to kill himself. Also, Damon and Rose have sex and he develops real feelings for her. Later, Rose takes Elena to see Slater to possibly learn where they can find Klaus, but they find Slater dead. Elena gets on Slater’s laptop and sends Klaus a message, saying that she is the doppelganger and that she will surrender to protect her loved ones. Damon shows up and tells Elena that this is out of the question. Then, three strange vampires appear to take Elena to Klaus, but Elijah shows up too, kills the strange vampires, then leaves.

Caroline and Tyler find the place Mason used to transform (on old Lockwood property) and a video he took of himself undergoing his transformation. The video scares Tyler and Caroline, because it is hours long and Mason was in extreme pain through most of it. Tyler knows that the upcoming full moon will spark his first transition. Stefan and Damon want the moonstone back from Katherine, so Bonnie conspires to lift the spell from the tomb and control Katherine so that the brothers can run in, get the moonstone, and run out. Jeremy runs into the tomb to get it himself (to protect Bonnie from having to use too much magic) and is caught and bitten by Katherine, right before he is able to throw the moonstone out of the tomb. Stefan runs in, pushes Jeremy out of Katherine’s reach, and is trapped in the tomb with Katherine. Later, we see Elijah and Luca’s father talking, and Elijah says that he let Damon live in order to protect Elena, something Elijah himself wants to do.

The full moon arrives, and Caroline helps Tyler through his transformation. To prove that she still has some goodness, Katherine tells Stefan that he can ask Isobel for help finding Klaus. Bonnie asks Luca for help destroying the moonstone, but Luca tricks her and gives the moonstone to his father. Jules, a friend of Mason’s, comes to Mystic Falls looking for Tyler. Damon and Alaric provoke her into revealing her werewolf nature. Jules breaks into the Salvatore mansion and bites Rose in front of Damon. The bite becomes infected. Elijah comes to Elena and tells her that he doesn’t work for Klaus anymore. He makes a deal with her: If she keeps herself safe, so that Elijah can use Elena as bait to kill Klaus, then Elijah will free Stefan from the tomb and protect Elena’s loved ones. Elena agrees and Stefan is freed, but Elijah compels Katherine to stay inside, which means that Originals can compel other vampires.

Stefan attempts to contact Isobel, but he gets in touch with Uncle John instead. Uncle John returns to Mystic Falls. Damon asks Elena to stay with Rose while he searches for a werewolf bite cure, but a delirious Rose nearly kills Elena and escapes the mansion. Rose kills three people before Damon finds her and takes her back to the mansion. Because Rose is in pain, Damon compels Rose to dream of being back in her homeland with him, as a human, then Damon stakes her. Damon feels guilty, because Jules really broke into the house to kill Damon, not Rose. Elena comforts him, then leaves. Damon goes out, tells a strange girl that he misses being human and then kills the girl. Tyler meets with Jules at The Grill, and Jules tells him that Mason is dead (Tyler thought Mason just left town) and that more werewolves are on their way to Mystic Falls.

A rift grows between Tyler and Caroline, because Caroline knew there were other vampires and that Mason was killed, and yet she kept it from Tyler. Jules plans to take Tyler with her werewolf friends, including her lover Brady, and leave town. Jules takes Caroline hostage (keeping her in a cage in a motor home) and calls Stefan, telling him that she will exchange Caroline for Tyler. Damon and Stefan come to the woods with Tyler, and a fight ensues. Stefan and Damon kill a bunch of the werewolves. Tyler makes it into the motor home and lets a hurt Caroline out of the cage (after hesitating WAY too long). Luca’s dad shows up just in time to save the Salvatore brothers and defeats Jules and Brady with his witch powers. Luca’s dad did this on Elijah’s orders, because keeping Elena’s friends safe is part of his deal with Elena. Tyler tries to apologies to Caroline, but she tells him to stick it where the sun don’t shine.

Jules shows up at Damon’s house and tortures him, looking for the moonstone, but Elijah appears and kills all of the werewolves except for Jules, who escapes. Bonnie performs a spell on Luca that forces him to tell her about the originals/his father. Luca is compelled to tell Bonnie that Elijah plans to sacrifice Elena in order to make Klaus vulnerable enough to kill him. Luca is with Elijah because Klaus has his witch sister, Greta, and they need to save her. Luca’s father takes Bonnie’s powers away because she used them on Luca. Jeremy and Bonnie kiss.

Uncle John tells Damon that that the only way to kill an original vampire is to dip a certain old dagger in white ash wood. Damon plans to kill Elijah with the dagger and invites Elijah over for dinner. Jonathan Gilbert’s journal tells Elena that if a VAMPIRE uses the dagger to kill an original, both vampires will die. Uncle John left this part out when he gave Damon the dagger, hoping that Damon would be killed. Stefan calls Damon to warn him and Alaric answers the phone. Alaric is able to stab Elijah with the dagger instead. Damon and Alaric stash Elijah’s body in the Salvatore basement, but the body disappears, because if you remove the dagger after you stab an original (which they did), the original will come back to life.

Stefan and Elena vacation together at the Gilbert family lake house, but Tyler and Brady follow them, resulting in Brady’s death at Stefan’s hands. Stefan figures out that Elena knows that her deal with Elijah will result in Elijah killing her, and Stefan tells her that it isn’t heroic to give up like she is. Tyler tells Matt that Caroline still loves him (Matt), and then Tyler leaves Mystic Falls with Jules. Then Elena stabs him at the lake house. Elena agrees to fight if the brothers stop leaving her out of plans and let her call the shots. Damon returns to his mansion and finds Katherine in his shower. When Elijah died, Katherine was able to escape the tomb because his compulsion keeping her there wore off.

Katherine informs Damon that she made a deal with Uncle John so that Damon would die instead of Stefan, but she also offers her help to our protagonists. Damon doesn’t believe her and refuses to tell her where the “witch massacre” occurred. Luca’s father performs a ritual with Luca in order to try to remove the dagger from Elijah’s body from a distance, but it results in Luca’s death. Caroline sings at a party at The Grill in order to win Matt back. It works, and he kisses her. Then Luca’s father appears at The Grill, seeking revenge for Luca’s death. He makes all of the lights explode, starts a fire, and stabs Matt in the neck with a broken bottle. Caroline gives Matt her blood and saves him. Later, Matt wakes up and remembers this. Caroline is with him and tells him that she’s a vampire. Matt instantly realizes that Vicki’s death had to do with vampires (because Vicki had told him she thought she was attacked by vampires) and he panics, thinking Caroline killed his sister. He runs away.

Luca’s father goes to Elena’s house and attacks Elena, but, whoops, it’s actually Katherine, who bites him. Stefan ends up killing Luca’s father, but before he does, Luca’s father returns Bonnie’s powers and tells her how to kill Klaus. Isobel comes to town and meets with Alaric. She apologizes, telling Alaric that she actually did love him at one time. Then, a warlock of Klaus’ named Maddox captures Alaric. Katherine is also taken by Maddox. She wakes up in Alaric’s apartment and finds that Klaus is possessing Alaric’s body. KlaLaric is born.

Damon concocts a secret plan with Bonnie to kill Klaus and save Elena, but it is dangerous to Bonnie. Damon looks for a spell to gather the power of the witches killed in a massacre, centuries ago. Damon leads Bonnie and Jeremy to the witch massacre site that he knows about because he tried to save Emily from being killed in the massacre. The witches warn Bonnie against channeling their power, because she might die as a result. This upsets Jeremy, but Bonnie tells him that she will need all the power she can get to kill Klaus and save Elena.

Caroline finds Matt and tells him what really happened to Vicki. Matt tells Caroline that he doesn’t want to remember anything about the supernatural happenings. Caroline compels him to forget everything, but it doesn’t work, because Matt had gone to the Sheriff, who made him drink vervain and sent him back to Caroline to gather information. Now Caroline thinks Matt doesn’t know she’s a vampire, and the Sheriff has instructed Matt to continue dating her daughter, pretending that everything is ok.

Isobel abducts Elena and takes her to a cemetery, in the daytime. Isobel takes a phone call from Maddox who tells her that she is free to let Elena go and that her tasks for Klaus are complete. Isobel apologizes to Elena, removes her magic necklace, and burns in the sun. We realize that Isobel has been acting under a compulsion by Klaus, who can compel other vampires. KlaLaric nearly kills Bonnie after pretending to be Alaric for an episode, because she is the only one with access to the power to hurt him. Damon plans to let KlaLaric believe that he succeeded in killing Bonnie. Elena finds out about Damon and Bonnie’s plan. Damon tells Elena that if it comes down to Elena’s life or someone else’s life (like Bonnie’s), Damon will always choose Elena. Elena doesn’t want any of her friends to be sacrificed for her, so she goes into the basement and pulls the dagger out of Elijah, and he recovers. Elena asks him to trust her and gives him the dagger so that no one can kill him anymore.

Elijah and Elena share information. Elijah says that he and Klaus are half brothers from the original vampire family. Their mother cheated with a man from a werewolf bloodline (who is Klaus’ real father). Elijah’s father had the man and his family killed, and this is what started the war between wolves an vampires. Klaus is both a vampire and a werewolf, and he can only be killed by a witch. The curse of the sun and the moon does not exist. It is a myth created by Elijah and Klaus. The real curse is that Klaus’ werewolf side was shut down by witches, and Klaus wants to awaken it and create his own line of hybrids. In order to break the curse, the power of the full moon must be channeled into the moonstone, a werewolf and vampire must be killed, and Klaus will need to drink the blood of the Petrova doppelganger. Klaus killed Elijah’s whole family, and Elijah wants to kill Klaus for revenge.

Stefan and KlaLaric tell Jenna vampires exist. Damon finds Katherine, who is compelled by Klaus to stay in Klaus’ apartment. Damon gives Katherine vervain so that Klaus can’t compel her anymore. We meet Luca’s sister, Greta, who is actually working with Klaus willingly. Maddox and Greta do a spell that releases Alaric’s body and places Klaus back into his own body. Maddox tricks Tyler into coming back to Mystic Falls with Jules, then he kidnaps Caroline and Tyler for the full moon spell. Elijah tells Elena that he can save her by giving her an elixir that will prevent her from being killed when she is drained. Damon doesn’t believe this elixir works and doesn’t want to risk Elena’s death. He forces Elena to drink his blood, intending for her to be turned when Klaus kills her. Elena is upset, because she doesn’t want to become a vampire and she has a thoughtful, touching little breakdown about the human life she will miss. Alaric returns and tells everyone that Klaus’ ritual is set for that night. Realizing that Klaus will need a werewolf sacrifice on hand, or he will have to wait another month, Damon rescues Tyler and Caroline and kills Maddox. Because it’s the full moon, Tyler transforms and accidentally bites Damon. Matt appears and saves Caroline from Tyler with his bitchin’ crossbow.

Klaus comes and takes Elena. Damon goes to Klaus’ apartment to taunt him about having to postpone his ritual, but it turns out that Klaus has a backup werewolf and a backup witch: Jules and Greta. All he needs now is a backup vampire, but Damon won’t do, because he has been poisoned by Tyler’s bite. Greta takes Elena to the ritual site, where Elena sees Jenna’s dead body. Then Jenna wakes up as a vampire. The backup vampire! Stefan shows up to offer himself as the sacrifice so Jenna can live, but Klaus refuses. Klaus begins the ritual and kills Jules and Jenna, and then he drains Elena’s blood. Meanwhile, Bonnie finds a spell that uses the parent/child bond to resurrect someone. Uncle John has Bonnie use the spell on him, and he dies in Elena’s place.

Elijah, Damon, and Bonnie arrive as Klaus completes the ritual and starts to transition. Bonnie attacks him and weakens him, and Greta is killed by Damon. Before Elijah can step in and tear out Klaus’ heart, Klaus informs Elijah that Elijah can be reunited with his family. Klaus promises to take Elijah to his family if Elijah helps him live. Elijah turns on our protagonists and leaves with Klaus. Elena comes back to life and is not a vampire. Damon breaks the news of his impending death to Stefan.

At Stefan’s request, Bonnie contacts Emily to ask her if there is a cure for Damon. Emily does not want to help, but Emily hears the witches whisper Klaus’ name. Stefan goes to Klaus and begs for the cure, which Klaus reveals to be his own blood. Klaus keeps his promise to reunite Elijah with his family by killing Elijah with the dagger. Klaus tells Stefan that he will give Damon a vial of his blood only if Stefan starts drinking human blood and killing again, and also leaves Mystic Falls with Klaus as “a ripper.” Stefan agrees to the deal and drinks a bunch of human blood.

Sheriff Forbes goes to the Salvatore mansion to try to kill the ailing Damon, but he escapes. Jeremy finds Damon and brings him to The Grill. Sheriff Forbes finds them and accidentally shoots Jeremy. Jeremy dies, and Bonnie contacts the witches and asks for their help to bring Jeremy back. The witches tell Bonnie that if they do this, there will be “consequence.” Alaric has one of our favorite lines in response to that: "Well he's just a kid, tell them to shut up." Bonnie agrees to whatever consequences arise and Jeremy is saved. Sheriff Forbes and Caroline hear that Jeremy lived, and this provokes the Sheriff to make peace with her vampire daughter.

Elena finds Damon, delirious and wandering. She brings him back to the Salvatore mansion. Thinking he is dying, Damon goes ahead and tells Elena that he loves her. Elena kisses him. Katherine walks in with a vial of Klaus’ blood, sent by Stefan. Katherine gives Damon the cure and tells Elena that Stefan chose saving Damon’s life over a chance at a future with Elena. Meanwhile, Klaus has Stefan kill a human girl and then the two leave town. That night, Jeremy wakes up and goes downstairs to investigate some noises. He finds his dead vampire exes, Anna and Vicki, standing in his living room, back again. AHHH!

Show grade: A+

If you think we left something important out, tough, because it was hard enough to narrow it down to the essentials. This is a show where things actually happen. But you can always mention your favorite moments in the comments.

The Nine Lives of Chloe King season review

We were both pretty hesitant about this show when it started. We didn't like the lead actress (mostly because of her annoying laugh), the mythology was both too complex and too childish, and it just wasn't interesting. Now that we've seen the first season, our initial opinion has changed.

The Nine Lives of Chloe King is about a young girl (the titular Chloe King, played by Skyler Samuels) who, on her 16th birthday, discovers she's a member of an ancient race of supernatural beings (Mai) with cat-like powers. She's actually their "Uniter," a person who is supposed to unite humans and Mai. This proves to be difficult. The first season deals with Chloe coming to terms with her Mai heritage, including learning the rules and improving her powers.

While we said in our first post for this show that Skyler Samuels wasn't good in this role, we'd like to officially reverse that opinion. Throughout the course of the season, she has added so much to the character of Chloe that we actually find her likable now. In fact, she's probably one of the best things about Nine Lives. In general, we like most of the acting on this show, and we especially like that the high school-aged characters actually look like they could be in high school (Jasmine being the obvious exception - but we like her, so we cut her slack). Another thing we enjoy about this show is their willingness to take risks. This applies mainly to the finale, so if you haven't seen it yet, ignore the rest of this paragraph. We were seriously impressed with the show's choice to (possibly) kill off Brian, Jasmine, and Valentina. Obviously, we won't know for sure if any of those characters are dead (and we highly doubt Brian is) until next season, but, unlike when Pretty Little Liars makes us think a beloved character is dead, we think this show might actually do it for real.

We really enjoy this show, and we'll be watching next year when it comes back. However, there's one glaringly bad part of this show: the relationship between Chloe and Brian. We've already mentioned how much we adore Skyler Samuels in the role of Chloe, and some of our readers know how much we loved (and still mourn) Friday Night Lights, the "true love" just doesn't ring true. We don't blame the actors, we blame the writers. They kept telling us how in love Chloe and Brian are, but why? Seriously, if any of our readers understand how she is madly in love with him after going on like one coffee date, please explain it to us. We much prefer Chloe with Alek.

Our final verdict: if you gave up on it after the first two episodes, we don't blame you. But we think this show really started to hit its stride in episode five, so stick with it until then.

Season Grade: B+

Like the show? Hate the show? Think we're stupid for watching the show? Let us know in the comments!

New Show #16: The Secret Circle

The Secret Circle
Thursday, September 15 on the C.W.

Starring: Britt Robertson (Life Unexpected, Dan in Real Life)

Plot: A girl learns that she’s a witch.

Why We Are Excited: The book series was written by the same author who wrote The Vampire Diaries books. This writer has already brought us one excellent teen show. Also, some of the same talent behind TVD is working on this show. Witches are a fine subject, and Britt Robertson is a fine lead, when her show writers give her something to work with.

Why We Are Not Excited: We don’t think it’s going to be as good as we want it to be, because nothing is as good as The Vampire Diaries, duh. This show is dangling that talent and those sources in front of us, but we’d be very shocked if it can churn out something comparable. Call us pessimists.

Preview
Click here. They disabled the embedding, but this is the best preview around.

Anticipation Score: 8

Be sure to click on the "##Upcoming Shows## link in the cloud so you can stay apprised. And let us know if you think you will be watching any of them!

New Show: Terra Nova

Terra Nova
Monday, September 26 on Fox.

Starring: Jason O’Mara (Life on Mars, In Justice, guest stint on Grey’s Anatomy), Stephen Lang (Public Enemies, Avatar), Landon Liboiron (Degrassi), Naomi Scott (Lemonade Mouth), and Allison Miller (Kings).

Plot: About a hundred years from now, our air quality is going to suck, so humanity is facing extinction. The solution? A time machine that transports people 85 million years back in time to live out their days. Weirdly, the time machine didn’t transport these people back in time to, like, the year 1910 to warn people not to ruin the air and save the world. But these people want to survive, so they will take what they can get. Our main characters are Jim and Elisabeth Shannon and their three children who are sent back to Terra Nova, the first human colony set up in the past. Sounds great. Except there are dinosaurs.

Why We Are Excited: We have high hopes for this. Why? Because we are nerds. Also, it’s a cool idea. And there are DINOSAURS. Leeard is more into sci-fi than Ern (who enjoys fantasy when the time for geekitude arises), but both of us want to watch this a LOT. It’s expensive and Stephen Spielberg is producing it.

Why We Are Not Excited: The preview didn’t blow us away. Also, one of us wonders if this will have much in the way of a good plot, after a while. Avatar looked great and had a good concept. The story? MMMM not so much.

Preview:


Anticipation Score: 8.5

Be sure to click on the "##Upcoming Shows## link in the cloud so you can stay apprised. And let us know if you think you will be watching any of them!

New Show #14: Free Agents

Free Agents
NBC. Premieres September 14 at 10:30 PM, then it moves to Wednesday nights on September 21 at 8:30.

Starring: Hank Azaria (Heat, Love and Other Drugs, Moe on The Simpsons, and the scientist guy Phoebe almost married on Friends) and Kathryn Hahn (Crossing Jordan, How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days, and Step Brothers).

Plot: A recently divorced guy and a woman whose fiancé just died work together as public relations executives. They had a one-night stand, but they are trying to keep things platonic and professional at their job. They are perfect for each other, but don’t realize it, and all of their friends are trying to get them to start dating again. This is a remake of a British workplace sitcom.

Why We Are Excited: Strangely, the trailer was sort of cute. It made one of us stop hating Hank Azaria so much, and that’s a lot for four minutes. And we love Kathryn Hahn, who is adorable and usually funny. Also, British workplace comedies have been good in translation before. It’s nice to see a comedy starring two middle-aged people embarking on romance. It might make this more of a mature show. We will give it a chance. It might be funny.

Why We Are Not Excited: Well, we already don’t care. We think it might get cancelled quickly. The last thing we need is another show that’s going to rely on a main romance and then drag it out forever. This might have made a cuter movie. And Hank’s character on Friends (David) was just so pathetic. Hank’s just not that funny anymore (he was funny on The Simpsons). This would have been a great part for, say, pre-Passion Mel Gibson, but he went crazy. (Favorite line from the Mel Gibson tapes: “I’m gonna burn the house down, but you WILL blow me first!”) Without a likeable, charismatic leading man, this show might be DOA.

Preview:


Anticipation Score: 4

Be sure to click on the "##Upcoming Shows## link in the cloud so you can stay apprised. And let us know if you think you will be watching any of them!

Sons of Anarchy - Overview and Summary

Overview for people who are thinking of getting into the show - We know lots of you were waiting for us to finally watch this show, but this is a hard one to get into, or at least it was for us. One of us actually had to try watching it three different times. Finally, we gritted our teeth and got through the first seven episodes. Then we were fine with it.

This series increased GREATLY in quality in the second season. While the first season is worthwhile, it’s not as good as the rest of the show. It wasn't until season two that we finally realized what everyone was going on about. Overall, the show is overrated, but still good and worth watching. We will be watching the fourth season. One strong point is that the show has interesting, developed characters. That's important to us.

Here are a few things you will want to know before you watch the pilot. Sons of Anarchy is a motorcycle gang with many chapters. This show focuses on the original chapter, Sons of Anarchy Motorcycle Club, Redwood Original or SAMCRO. So when you hear people talking about Sam Crow, they are talking about the motorcycle club chapter that you are watching a show about. It’s not some hidden leader or something.

These guys don’t sell drugs. In fact, they spend lots of time trying to keep drugs out of their little town (Charming, California). They do traffic in weapons, but there is a pretty big vigilante element here. That’s something we didn’t know before, or we would have watched this show sooner. We are all about vigilantes in entertainment.

Jax Teller is the main character. He’s the hot blonde guy. His father, John Teller, started SAMCRO with one of his buddies, Clay Morrow. But John Teller died. Now Clay Morrow is the president and Jax is the vice president. Jax’s mom, Gemma, married Clay Morrow after the death of her husband. Jax is divorced from a drug addict and has a young son who was born with medical problems.

At the beginning of the season, Jax found some old journals of his dad’s. Apparently, John Teller had different ideas for the club than Clay does now. This becomes a point of contention between Jax and Clay, and it sows seeds of doubt and causes friction in the rest of the club members. If you are seeing some similarities to Hamlet, you’re a sharp one, because we really think the show is sort of based on it. Other characters sometimes refer to Jax as a “prince.” We wonder if it will end the same way…

SYNOPSIS AND SPOILERS START HERE
Summary - Before we start, here is a cast of characters to be familiar with as you read

(Besides Jax, Gemma, and Clay, who we have already mentioned):
Tramell- An old cop who has been totally bought off by SAMCRO/is in their pocket.
Hale- a cop
Wayne Unser- Another cop.
Tara- A doctor and old flame of Jax’s. She worked on his infant son’s case.
Josh Kohn- an ATF agent that Tara used to date. He shows up to investigate SAMCRO at the beginning of the show.
Wendy- Jax’s ex wife.
Abel- Jax’s son.
Alex “Tig” Trager- SAMCRO member
Robert “Bobby” Munson- SAMCRO member
Kip "Half Sack" Epps- a SAMCRO member with only one nut
Harry "Opie" Winston- a SAMCRO member
Donna- Opie’s woman
Big Otto- SAMCRO member who spent time in prison for his activity
Luann- Big Otto’s wife
ATF Agent Stahl- An ATF agent.

Season 1
The Mayans destroyed one of SAMCRO’s weapons warehouses and stole some guns. During the birth drama of Jax’s son, Gemma gave Wendy drugs so that Wendy might kill herself with an overdose. She survived, Dr. Tara suspected what happened, and we got to see that Gemma is one stone cold bitch. But we love her.

Meanwhile, Jax found his father’s old journals and started wondering if the club shouldn’t be into so much illegal activity. SAMCRO then went to Nevada to deal with gun trafficking business. Clay and Half Sack slept with a girl named Cherry. Then there was a shoot-out with the Mayans. Also we found out that Kohn, Tara’s ex, has been stalking Tara since they broke up.

After some of SAMCRO’s guns were used to kill three people, Clay was arrested for aiding and abetting. Gemma found out that Clay cheated on her with Cherry, so Gemma beat Cherry with a skateboard. Then she was arrested for that. We hope that you are starting to see that Gemma is the best thing about this show. She’s a loving mother to Jax’s face, but you had better not cross her.

Since a restraining order didn’t work, Jax threw Kohn through a window to get him to stay away from Tara. Kohn was then arrested for breaking the restraining order, which didn’t do wonders for his career as an ATF agent. In fact, it ended it. Kohn went to Tara’s to try to rape her, but she shot him in the stomach. Jax showed up to help and ended up shooting Kohn in the head after Kohn called Tara a “biker slut.” Then Jax burned Kohn’s body and had sex with Tara. We hope that you are starting to see that Jax is the second best thing about this show.

The True IRA was another gang in the Sons of Anarchy universe, and SAMCRO was pretty friendly with them/they did gun business together. Opie was supposed to do them a favor and kill someone, but he messed it up, so Bobby had to do it. A little girl saw the crime and the two men were arrested, but SAMCRO members grabbed her to prevent her from testifying.

ATF Agent Stahl questioned Tara, Cherry, Luann, and Donna. Cherry was arrested, but Unser helped her escape. Big Otto attacked Stahl because Stahl was going to destroy the club on racketeering charges. She lived and set Opie up to look like an informant. Tig and Clay fell for the trick. Clay ordered Opie killed, but Tig accidently killed Donna instead. They set it up to look like a rival gang, the One-Niners, killed Donna.

Then Hale told Jax the truth about Stahl setting Opie up. Jax figured out what happened. He went to find SAMCRO members about to kill the little girl witness and stopped them. Then Jax threatened the witness, paid her off, and told her to get out of town. The first season ended with Jax deciding that he didn’t like the way Clay was running the club, that his father wouldn’t approve, and that Clay has lost his integrity. John Teller’s journals were passed to other club members.

Cue Season Two. More characters:
Ethan Zobelle- LOAN’s leader. LOAN is a white supremacist group.
AJ Weston- Ethan Zobelle’s henchman
Polly- Zobelle’s daughter who has an affair with Edmond Hayes during this season
Jimmy O- the head of the IRA, a gang
Edmond Hayes- IRA member
Cameron Hayes- IRA member and Edmond’s father

A new gang, The League of American Nationalists (LOAN), started trying to get rid of SAMCRO/drive them out of town. The leader, Ethan Zobelle, arranged for Gemma to be grabbed and raped as a message to SAMCRO. Gemma kept quiet about it so that Clay and Jax would stay out of trouble rather than seek revenge. Big Otto, still in prison, asked SAMCRO to help Luann out because she started a porn studio. Cops raided her studio and another pornographer was also giving her trouble. Jax proposed that SAMCRO become a partner in Luann’s business, offering her and her colleagues protection. He thought it would be a pretty good way to get legitimate money as well.

Jax and Clay, meanwhile were still at odds. LOAN planted a car bomb and nearly killed Chibs, hoping that SAMCRO would retaliate. Clay ordered retaliation and Clay, Jax, Bobby, and Tig were arrested after trying to attack Ethan Zobelle. Agent Stahl came sniffing around again, trying to get information on the IRA from the jailed SAMCRO members. They kept their mouths shut, but Stahl provoked a physical fight between Clay and Jax.

The members got out on bail. Clay declared that he wanted SAMCRO to get out of Luann’s porn business. After that, the porn studio burned down, and Jax suspected Clay of the arson. Jax told the club members that it was time for him to “go Nomad.” Gemma told Jax about her rape so that he would stay in the gang and so that she would give Clay and Jax a common enemy. Then Tig ruined the new peace by telling Opie that he killed Donna. On top of that, Chibs promised Stahl that he would help her take down the IRA and its leader, Jimmy O. This was successful and Jimmy O was apprehended. Opie spotted Chibs meeting with the ATF and told the club. Chibs also came clean about it.

SAMCRO found out that Ethan Zobelle really wasn’t in the game because he was racist. He wanted to get in on the Hispanic Mayans’ prison heroine trade. SAMCRO alerted AJ Weston, Zobelle’s enforcer, to these facts. Weston was really racist and didn’t want to do business with Hispanics. AJ Weston and Ethan Zobelle were enemies after that. But then AJ Weston was arrested for setting Luann’s porn studio on fire.

SAMCRO confronted Ethan Zobelle for the rape. Hale (a cop, remember?) showed up on the scene. Zobelle told the cop that he had narcotics on him so that he (and his daughters) would be arrested instead of killed by SAMCRO. Zobelle was released and sought protection from the Mayans. It was also revealed that Zobelle was an FBI informant. Jax shot Weston and killed him.

Edmond Hayes, IRA member, was being held by Agent Stahl, who was using Edmond as bait to get his father, Cameron. Edmond tried to kill Stahl and escape, but Stahl shot him. Polly Zobelle was shot by Gemma at a safe house, and Stahl witnessed it, but she let Gemma go. That way she could frame Gemma for shooting Edmond. Cameron Hayes thought Gemma killed his son because of this, so he broke into Jax’s home, stabbed Half-Sack, and kidnapped baby Abel.

SAMCRO went after the Mayans and Zobelle. The Mayans retreated. Jax got a call from Tara and went home to find Half-Sack dead, his baby gone, and Tara tied up. Meanwhile, Chief Unser helped Gemma get out of town and Ethan Zobelle ditched the Mayans and caught a plane back to Budapest where he came from. Jax went to Clay for help tracking down Cameron and his son. Cameron took to a boat. SAMCRO made it just in time to see the boat getting away.

Season Three:

Gemma hid in Oregon with Tig. They went to see Gemma’s father, Nate, who had dementia, and Gemma took him to live in a nursing home. Tara went to visit Gemma and helped her kill Gemma’s father’s caregiver. Masked men did a drive-by shooting at Half-Sack’s wake, and Deputy Hale was run down by a car. SAMCRO had an upcoming hearing for weapons charges, but they agreed to jump bail.

Cameron liquidated his assets and went to Belfast. He confessed his sins to his cousin, Father Ashby, who has connections to both Jimmy O and the main IRA group. Ashby had Cameron killed and planned to put Abel up for adoption. SAMCRO hired a bounty hunter to find Abel, and then they received an email telling of Cameron’s death. After talking to Jimmy O, Jax came to the conclusion that Cameron left Abel in Vancouver.

Gemma went back to Charming, not knowing about Abel’s kidnapping. Father Ashby’s sister, Maureen, gave Gemma call to tell her that her grandson was safe. When she heard this news, Gemma had an arrhythmia and collapsed in the parking lot of the auto-shop (Teller-Morrow) where most of SAMCRO have day jobs. When Gemma recovered, Tara told her that she was six months pregnant with another of Jax’s spawn. Gemma went into police custody.

Without telling the other club members, Jax made a deal with Stahl to save his mom and have the weapons charges against the club downgraded. In exchange, he offered up Jimmy O and the IRA. Oswald, a wealthy Charming resident, agreed to get SAMCRO over to Belfast. Jax broke up with Tara, and Tara caught him in bed with a porn actress, Ima, the next morning. Jax said that he wanted to drive Tara away, to protect her. Tara thought it was because Jax hated her because of what happened to Abel.

Enter Hector Salazar, a former president of the Calaveras MC, yet another gang. He was recently booted and he was still sore about it. He started watching Tara and Jax. Gemma found out that John Teller cheated on her and had a daughter with another woman in Belfast. Tara helped Gemma escape from police custody and made an appointment to have an abortion. Gemma went with SAMCRO to Belfast. Ashby told Jax that he should kill Jimmy O (because the IRA don’t like the way he does things) in exchange for Abel.

Stahl advised Jax not to kill Jimmy O and helped Jax dig up info on Ashby. After their first attempt to kill Jimmy O went awry, SAMCRO had to engage in torture in order to find out who warned Jimmy O. Ashby told Jax where Abel was, but he also said that Abel should be adopted by someone other than Jax so that Abel could avoid life with criminals. Jax agreed and left Abel alone with a new family. But then Jimmy O killed those adoptive parents, took Abel, and tried to exchange Abel for the opportunity to escape back to America. Ashby traded himself for Abel, and Abel was returned to Jax.

Hector Salazar kidnapped Tara and her boss, Margaret, on their way to an abortion clinic and said that he would return them in exchange for the murder of one of his enemies and $250,000. Tara attacked Salazar’s girlfriend and got Margaret set free in exchange for the girlfriend’s life. The girlfriend died anyway.

SAMCRO returned to Charming and started looking for Tara. Gemma told Stahl that unless Stahl stopped dealing with Jax, Gemma would tell everyone about how Stahl murdered Edmond. Salazar kidnapped Jacob Hale, Jr., another cop. Hale, Jr. was trying to take over the Charming Police Department with another, larger police department. In order for Hale, Jr.’s takeover plans to be thwarted, Salazar needed to be taken alive, but Jax shot Salazar during a stand-off.

Stahl shot her partner, on purpose, and blamed Edmond’s murder on her dead partner to get Gemma off. Jimmy O hooked up with Russians in order to escape to South America. SAMCRO paid the Russians $2 million to hand over Jimmy O, but the money was counterfeit. Jax let Stahl in on the deal so that she could arrest Jimmy in exchange for a reduction of SAMCRO’s prison sentences. Jimmy was moved before Stahl could get there and arrest him, so she went to the SAMCRO clubhouse. There, she took Jimmy O into custody. SAMCRO was arrested and taken away in an ATF van. Turns out SAMCRO knew about Jax’s dealings with Stahl, and they were cool with it.

Stahl’s van didn’t make it. Unser (a cop) stopped Stahl’s van due to there being an IRA threat on the road. Stahl’s colleagues left to investigate and she was left alone with Unser and Jimmy O. Chibs, Opie, and others showed up. Chibs killed Jimmy after cutting his mouth like The Dark Knight’s Joker, and Opie killed Stahl. They set things up to make it look like the IRA’s fault. Jax and Clay made up, and Jax supported Clay’s vision of the club over his dead father’s. Father Ashby’s sister, Maureen, put some letters in Jax’s bag. Tara found them and read them. John Teller had written to Maureen that he was afraid that he was going to be killed by his wife and Clay, and that the two were close.

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And that’s all. This is by far the hardest post we've ever written. Please add more in the comments if you think we missed something important or want to expand on a character/characters. We were trying to keep it short, but this is sort of a convoluted, action-packed show. And we DID finish watching it in just two weeks. It’s enough to make our heads spin, but we’re ready for season four. Weeeee!

Season 1 Grade: B-

Season 2 Grade: A-

Season 3 Grade: B

New Show: Pan Am

Pan Am
ABC. Sunday, September 25 at 10:00 P.M.

Starring: Christina Ricci (The Addams Family, Sleepy Hollow, Monster), Mike Vogel (Cloverfield), and Karine Vanasse (Midnight In Paris).

Plot: It’s about flight attendants in 1963.

Why We Are Excited: Rumor has it that this is a pretty fun show. It’s certainly well-advertised. We’ve seen more ads for this show than any of the other newbies. Plus, fun 60s clothes! We kind of think this looks like Grey’s Anatomy on planes in the 60s. And they play Sinatra in the trailer. It’s worth checking out, we think.

Why We Are Not Excited: It’s not the best looking show of the new season…We really can’t think of much more to put here. We really don’t like Christina Ricci, we guess.

Preview:


Anticipation Score: 7.5

Be sure to click on the "##Upcoming Shows## link in the cloud so you can stay apprised. And let us know if you think you will be watching any of them!

New Show: Two Broke Girls

Two Broke Girls
CBS. Debuts on September 19, 2011 at 9:30, and then moves to Mondays, September 26, 2011 at 8:30.

Starring: Kat Dennings (of Thor, Nick and Norah's Infinite Playlist) as Max and Beth Behrs (of one of those awful American Pie straight-to-DVD sequels) as Caroline.

Plot: Two broke girls waitress in Brooklyn and become friends. Max has always had to work and came from a poor family and Caroline was an heiress, but now she has lost everything. They both dream of raising $250,000 and opening a cupcake shop. One of the showrunners described it as “ranging from heartwarming to Laverne and Shirley on crack.”

Why We Are Excited: We both like Kat Dennings. Also, Whitney Cummings is the executive producer, and this show looks fresher than Whitney, so we will hopefully get to see the best of Cummings here. Michael Patrick King is also involved, and he did Sex and the City. We’re also a little sick of shows about rich people and people who went to Harvard. It’s recession time. Let’s see some people in the same boat as the rest of us! Plus, it looks fun.

Why We Are Not Excited: The blonde former heiress character is already annoying. Hopefully they flesh her out more. We have enough of those in this world, as well as enough female characters who are stereotypes. It’s like the TV thinks there are two types of women: Weak, sorority-girl clichés and Strong Women with masculine names, who like to do what guys do, and have loud mouths. In real life, guys usually go for the girls, because it makes them feel manly. This show looks like it’s aimed at women, and women like to see a girl that makes them feel superior or a girl they would actually want to be friends with. Here, we have both, so there is a chance that the blonde will still be wailing about colors not matching her skin tone for weeks to come.

Preview:


Anticipation Score: 8

Be sure to click on the "##Upcoming Shows## link in the cloud so you can stay apprised. And let us know if you think you will be watching any of them!

Web Therapy

Showtime has a new show with Lisa Kudrow that is based on some popular web shorts she did. The shorts have been compiled and turned into a show. In addition to Lisa, plenty of other good actors appear on this Web Therapy, so that alone is a reason to tune in. Meryl Streep was in the web shorts a few times, so she might turn up again. Jane Lynch and Rashida Jones have guest starred as patients already.

This show would be good on a marathon, because it’s so short. Quite a few have aired already. It gets funnier as it goes along, and it’s a lot funnier than the other Showtime offering starting a former Friends actor (Episodes), and we liked that show. This show is improvised too. Impressive.

Web Therapy is about a therapist who got tired of listening to people for 50 minutes, so she started doing “a new modality” of three-minute sessions over the internet. It’s a dark, sometimes dry comedy.

Kudrow’s character, Dr. Fiona Wallace, might actually give good advice if she weren’t so obsessed with herself during the three minutes. She has a real gift for catching people’s interests quickly, which is good, because a therapist who is always bad isn’t as interesting as a therapist who is sometimes good.

Fiona Wallace has a horrible (and funny) marriage to a lawyer (Victor Garber - we love him SO MUCH), and bad relationship with her mother, who clearly hates her. It’s a good summer show on Tuesday nights. It makes us chuckle. You can watch the web version here and get a taste for free. We are going to wait for the episodes, because the TV series includes extra scenes that were filmed for Showtime, and we want to watch it all in its cohesive order.

Overall, this show was a pleasant surprise. We almost skipped it, but we’re really glad we didn’t.

Show Grade: A-

Pretty Little Liars - I Must Confess review

Is Pretty Little Liars REALLY going to weigh in on the prescription mood-altering drugs debate? Well THAT’S just what we need….not. But it was really sweet when Aria hugged Mike at the end when he started to break down a little. This girl needs more to do than Ezra, and having a depressed brother might bring out a likeable side of her.

Aria seems to handle her family pretty well. It’s her wardrobe and love life that suffer. Is anyone else sick of the feather extensions that are popular right now? Aria hasn’t worn them for a few weeks, but she reminds us of them every time we see her.

The big event this week was the Liars confessing A’s existence to Therapist Anne. This turned out just like most of us predicted: Therapist Anne is in trouble, and probably dead. We wish we could have seen more of Anne’s reaction to A’s BS. What’s the fun of having someone else find out if we don’t get to see how horrified they are? We can’t wait until next week to find out how Anne was killed. Also, what is with this show and not letting people give pertinent information over the phone?! How hard would it have been for Therapist Anne to be like "I know who A is. Meet me at my office right now. Oh by the way, A is Caleb, so stay away from him." Obviously we're being facetious about Caleb being A, but you guys understand our point.

Anyway, Anne’s speech was true, but totally uncalled for in the situation. A was a top secret thing, and she went and talked about cyberbullying. It’s an apropos topic for teens watching (and is helping make PLL a socially-redeemable show!), but it was totally wasted on the Liars’ school. But still. Being mean to people over technology is cowardly, permanent, low class, and unintelligent.

Maya came back, and we’ve decided that we don’t like her. She was a teensy bit weird during her dinner with Emily, we thought. Both of Emily’s other flames are more interesting than Maya.

Hanna. Oh Hanna. You were verbally, directly warned by Kate that Kate was going to try to mess with you, but you still fell for the “let’s be friends/here, have a drink from me” ploy. The worst part about this subplot is that everyone knew exactly what was going to happen with Hanna and the dress the second Kate offered her alcohol (or earlier), but we were all powerless to stop her. Hanna deserved what she got for being dumb. Her dad was totally uncool to throw her out just for barfing, though.

We know where Hanna gets her balls and wit now: Her awesome grandma who just doesn’t give a hoot. She actually said that she needed to go to the restroom to “wipe the dew from her lily” in this episode. Yeah, that just got said. Gross, but amazeballs. That honestly sounds like something Ern would say to Leeard to gross her out rather than something you would hear on ABC Family.

We want to get a tattoo that says, “What would Spencer do?” and act accordingly. With her dad acting more and more sketchy every week, it’s all Spencer can do to keep him and Toby from getting into it, let alone advise her dad not to break the law as an attorney. Jeez. Apparently the DiLaurentis family has some dirt on Mr. Hastings that they held over his head to get him to fabricate a family will. Also, that’s just what we need, right? More dishonest attorneys on TV. (Not all of them are liars, believe it or not.)

We only have one more episode for the summer, so enjoy it.

Episode Grade: B+

The Lying Game, episodes 1 and 2

ABC Family has a new teen show in the vein of Pretty Little Liars. You know, a show about rich, female teens with lots of secrets and a mystery element? We’re not complaining, because you know we are both PLL fans.

The Lying Game is about twins. One, Sutton, was adopted by a rich family and the other, Emma, was not chosen and got stuck in the foster care system. Sutton found Emma and asked her to take her place while she searched for their real parents. But Sutton didn’t come back when she said she would. And Emma started to find out that Sutton has a lot of secrets and used to play pranks called “Lying Games.” Yeah, Sutton’s a conniving, slightly sociopathic weasel. To what degree we do not yet know. Is she a villain?

The Lying Game is a welcome addition to our Monday summer nights. At first, it seemed like a straightforward switcheroo, but then the second episode let us know that there is more going on in Sutton’s life than we thought. It’s possible that Sutton is pulling a lying game on Emma. It’s possible that she really IS looking for her real parents.

One of the things we like about the show so far is the main actress. She has a real feel for the fact that she is playing two different characters, much like Nina Dobrev on The Vampire Diaries. (You never miss an opportunity to mention TVD, do ya, Leeard?) The strength and tone of the actress' voice, as well as her facial expressions, tell us the difference between these two girls. Emma is vulnerable, brave, and caring. She longs for a family of her own, and the actress really makes you feel for Emma as she borrows Sutton’s loving parents and befriends Sutton’s sister. Sutton is confident, but sketchy.

We were afraid that Emma was too boring, being the good girl, but she has a protective, ballsy streak that makes us love her. While Sutton was the troublemaker, she did it secretly. Emma is more in-your-face, smacking bitches down and standing up for her friends.

We think the show needs stronger male love interests at some point, or at least another one. Sutton’s secret boyfriend is a likeable, if temperamental, guy, but shows like this thrive on triangles and many options. We also don’t like the intro with the girls floating in bikinis in a pool. This actress isn’t really a sex pot. She’s cute, in sort of a funny looking way. And this is a show aimed at teens. It seems unnecessary and tacky.

We are also liking Sutton’s wisecracking sister, Laurel, and her best friends, Mads and Char. We expected Mads and Char to be rich jerks, not real friends, but they seem pretty normal. We don’t have much of any idea of where this show is going, and we like that. There’s no murder to solve (so far - there is in the books, so we'll see if the show goes there, but even if it does, it's not the show's main premise), so the plot has places to go (unlike PLL) without dragging things out. The show can go in any direction it wants, as long as it keeps Emma’s true identity a secret. These twins can switch back and forth and get into any sort of adventure.

This is a fun teen show with lots of potential and a main character that you actually root for and pity.

Episodes 1-2 Grade: B+

Starter for Ten

Leeard recently got Ern to develop a crush on James McAvoy (which is so weird, because Ern usually likes manlier looking guys who are taller than McAvoy’s 5’7”), so Ern has been going through all of his films that she hasn’t yet seen. That’s not many. He’s in a lot of popular movies. But one little movie that flew under both our radars was Starter for Ten.

What’s it about? In this movie, McAvoy plays a poor student who makes it into a prestigious university based on his hunger for learning and desire to better his own intellect. He starts to lose his mind a little when he enters and the pressure of romance, school, and proving himself to his rich classmates gets to him. He falls for a hot blonde girl who is his fellow contestant on a college trivia show that he has watched since he was a boy. It was his dream to appear on it for several years. Meanwhile, a clever, pretty brunette social activist (played by charismatic Rebecca Hall) develops a crush on him, but he sees her as more of a friend.

This movie is full of laughs, coming-of-age moments, and likeable characters. There’s a truly shocking moment that would have made the movie for us all by itself. As McAvoy’s character matures, we grow to forgive and respect him. This is a romantic comedy, but it’s an especially cute, original, and funny one. Plus, everyone in the movie has a sweet European accent, so it makes the lines twice as fun to listen to. It has a sweet, non-Hollywood-y feel to it. Recommended to people looking for a chick flick that doesn’t suck.

McAvoy’s hair and glasses are extremely unfortunate though. It nearly killed Ern’s fledgling crush.

Movie grade: A-

Fright Night

This was a remake of an ‘80s movie, and we thought it brought everything you could ever want in a horror remake. It was aimed at people looking for a good time with movie monsters. Colin Farrell is completing his inevitable comeback after getting into substance abuse and then into rehab. He’s pulling a Robert Downey, Jr., not a Lindsay Lohan. (Wow, we shouldn’t have written that. That girl loves to sue people). Farrell was funny, scary, and sexy.

That geek who played McLovin’ in Superbad was in the movie briefly, but he was well-used during his few scenes. This movie brings the jumps and laughs. It’s self-conscious, not boring, and fun. If you hate scary movies, watching people get bit in the neck, any gore, or F-bombs, it’s not for you. Otherwise, we recommend it. It looks like Disturbia, but it’s not like that movie at all.

We are surprised that it didn’t do better in its first weekend at the box office. Maybe people are getting sick of vampires (especially vampires aimed at teens) or they think this movie looks too familiar. Teens usually flock to the rated-R horror genre, but they stayed away here. They shouldn’t have, because it’s a good time. Perfect for a date, if both people liked the ‘80s and horror. We’ve heard from several different sources that you should steer clear of the 3-D version though.

Movie Grade: B+

The Glee Project Finale Comments

Lots of people haven't seen it yet, so we are posting our thoughts in the comments of this post.

True Blood - This Week and Last Week reviews

Here we have one of the most bad ass, awesome episodes of True Blood, followed immediately by one of the lamest. But we still like the action-packed nature of this season.

The baby and evil doll thing did NOT pan out. It seemed like a side plot that had nothing to do with any of the main action or characters. Lafayette got possessed by a women and if it weren’t for the French accent, we wouldn’t have been able to tell the difference between regular Lafayette and Ghost Lafayette. In other news, apparently the actor who plays Lafayette is straight and dating a woman. We’re 100% serious.

The only good thing about the evil doll/ghost/baby plot was that we got to see Brujo Jesus be awesome. When he cast the ghost out of Lafayette, he was a major power player mixed with some sort of loving angel of light. Maybe he can take down Petunia Dursley…We think we're in love.

We didn’t feel bad for Jessica for even a moment during these last two episodes, even though she had her heart broken and Hoyt is being mean and petty, calling her a monster. That’s how lots of people are in breakups though. Show me the person who got dumped and acted with total class, grace, and unselfishness. We don’t believe they exist. We’ve never been dumped ourselves, but we wouldn’t be surprised if we say a few rude things if it ever happens.

Jessica is the cheater and the brainwasher. Hoyt can be as much of a butt as he wants. For a few more episodes, anyway. And Jessica ended this week’s episode by nailing Jason while a Taylor Swift song played in the background, which is one of the best uses of Taylor Swift ever, because it just felt so wrong. We can’t blame Jessica for boning Jason though. He’s more tolerable than ever. As a cop, he now has a purpose on the show and in its action. He’s grown a conscience too.

One of the things we loved about the good episode (Spellbound) was the vampire/witch battle that saw Sookie and Tara on opposite sides, Bill offering peace, and Petunia Dursley casting spells even as she negotiated. It was lame that it all ended with Sookie getting shot (it’s not suspenseful when you know she can’t die), but we enjoyed Eric’s battle-commencing attack. Bill saved Tara from Pam and forbade Pam from killing Tara, ever. Petunia Dursley regained control over Eric.

Alcide carried an unconscious Sookie home. This is bad, because he told Debbie and his new werewolf pack’s leader that he would stay away from the vampire vs. witches war…and Sookie. Speaking of the pack leader, Marcus: How can he be such a cool, laid-back guy with Alcide and such a dick to everyone else? We thought Marcus was going to be threatened by Alcide’s strength and much-hotterness (shut up, that can be a real term). But the two came to an understanding and Marcus suggested that Alcide might fulfill a leadership role. But then Marcus was revealed to be Luna’s ex-husband, and he has a real problem with Luna moving on.

Then the next episode came and it all went to hell. At least it was just a filler episode and not a finale or something, because it wasn’t good. We had the weird Lafayette stealing the baby plot. The healing of Sookie was as easy as two prayers from Bill and Alcide, plus some vampire blood. There was a boring dream with too much gender-equality commentary where Sookie tried to get Bill and Eric to have a threesome or something.

The battle between the vampires and the witches didn’t seem to end in any deaths. We guess they all just ran away after a skirmish in the mist. That was it? Seriously? There was way too much Arlene in the episode too. It WAS pretty funny when Jesus responded to one of Jason’s homophobic questions with, “I’m gonna pretend you didn’t just say that” and then just moved onto the action.

The only cute part was when Sam took Luna and her daughter camping and turned into a bunny rabbit so that Luna’s daughter could pet him. Marcus tried to track Sam down and threaten him, but he ended up finding Tommy, who was pretending to be Sam again. Tommy got beat up. We didn’t mind that. We actually feel a little sorry for him, but we don’t really want him on the show.

Also stupid? Petunia Dursley trapped the yellow-bellied witches (the ones who didn’t want to be in the war anymore) in their meeting building. Tara tried a door handle and burned all the skin off her hand. Then, immediately, the witches said, “Try the back door!” Another witch touched the handle of that other door and….burned all the skin off her hand. Idiots. Use a cloth or something. You just SAW someone get burned by magic. It’s not a leap of logic to guess that Petunia would have cursed BOTH doors.

It was revealed that Jessica likes both Twilight and Taylor Swift. This is sort of endearing, because it’s a reminder of how young Jessica actually was when she died, and how some of her girlish human nature remains, even as her life got a hell of a lot less innocent. Both Andy and Debbie are back on V. Yayyy. Bring on crazy Debbie! But then the show made it confusing as to whether Debbie is trying to help Sookie or betray her to the witches. Debbie might not even know.

Petunia Dursley’s master plan was to compel Eric into killing King Bill at a tolerance rally. Sookie ran into the rally and shouted “RUN!” to Bill, even though just about everyone in the building was already running, as it was clear that witches were attacking. This episode was really dumb, especially after the streak of good episodes we have had. We are also sick of Sookie’s sex dreams. We never thought we would be, but this season has done it. Dear Sookie: Stop getting high on V. Your time of blissful sex is over. Get into the fight. You’ve been playing house with Eric for, like, a whole season now.

Spellbound Episode Grade: A
Let’s Get Out of Here Episode Grade: C+

Breaking Bad- This Week And Last Week (Shotgun and Cornered reviews)

We are almost halfway into season four of this show and there has yet to be a moment that knocks our socks off. Granted, most of those moments seem to happen in the final episodes of each season (with the exception of Walt committing his first murder in, like, episode three of the first season). It’s time to pick up the pace, we say. We thought the show was going to do it when Mike drove Jesse into the desert. We though, “Oh no! Is Jesse dead?” Hardly. They just spent most of the episode driving around together and digging up money.

However, even a slow series of Breaking Bad entries are better-made, more insightful, and more interesting than 90% of other shows. At least we know it’s all going somewhere. But a lot of the individual scenes this season have been a little too long. Like three weeks ago when Skyler went over the cover story with Walt. Or when Mike and Jesse made their first stop. That was like five whole minutes of getting out of the car and digging. Yeah, there was tension. But it was just too dang long.

The whole point of having Jesse tag along with Mike was for Gus to set up a fake attack on Mike that Jesse could avert. That way, Jesse would catch the same pride disease that Walt seems to have contracted. Gus hoped to drive a wedge between Jesse and Walt by making Jesse believe that he can do business and roll in this crowd without Walt’s skills and protection.

Walt occasionally goes back to the smart nerd we know, and this was one of those times. He instantly figured out what Gus was trying to do. But then Walt made it worse by explaining it to Jesse in a very non-tactful way. “It’s all about me!” he said. But props to Walt. We didn’t figure out that’s what Gus was aiming at (a rift between Jesse and Walt). If it works, Jesse is too dumb to deserve to live.

Skyler and Walt officially own the car wash now. We were thinking: Walt has done a lot of horrible things, but he has mostly done them to criminals. He hasn’t really been hurting innocents. Skyler, on the other hand, conned an honest businessman into selling her his life’s work. Who’s the real villain here? Skyler and Walt had sex last week, and it was disgusting. We are always show softcore, porny scenes of two young, perfect, lithe bodies wriggling, mostly outside of marriage. You’ve seen Skyler and Walt. Did we really need to see ALL of Skyler and Walt? Bleck. It was jarring.

The best part of the episode before this Sunday’s was when Walt went over to Hank and Marie’s for dinner and basically shot himself in the foot due to his ego. Hank was going on about how Gale was a real genius, and Walt couldn’t have a dead nerd that he didn’t like taking credit for his meth masterpiece. So he told Hank that he really thought that Gale was just copying the work of the real Heisenberg, who is probably still out there. We busted out laughing. This was so dumb, but it was so true to the character Walt has become.

The camera panned over to a very unhappy looking Skyler. She was probably going through all seven of George Carlin’s dirty words in her head. So Hank settled down to take another gander at the case and found a link between Gale and Gus’ chicken restaurant. It. Is. So. On. Our wish for this season is for the Hank and Heisenberg confrontation to happen.

So now we get to this week. Another reviewer summed it up this way: “This episode slathers on the reminders that Walt is a petty, egotistical, short-tempered man who is not nearly as smart as he believes himself to be.” Yup, this episode gave Walt nothing kind to do. If someone watched this show for the first time last week, they would probably think the protagonist of this show was Mike. Walt gave Skyler this whole rant about how he is the biggest, baddest drug dealer around. She got upset and left. Rather than placate her, Walt went out and bought his son a sports car, out of spite. We wish our parents would buy us stuff when they are mad…

Then Walt got three Honduran ladies in big trouble by paying them to clean his lab when Jesse bailed (after being offended by Walt). They have to be bused back to their mother country, because they saw the meth lab. That was a pretty good use of fragmented Spanish to get them to do it in the first place though. Walt IS smart; he’s just not wise.

At the end of this week’s episode, Jesse and Mike sat outside of a meth dealer’s house, staking it out. It was your classic Breaking Bad meth shack, complete with idiots with bad teeth, filthy rooms, guns, and suspicion. The cartel rivaling Gus’ stole some of Gus’ blue meth, and the meth shack people had bought some of the meth from that rival cartel. Bored of the stakeout, Jesse got out of the car, got one of the meth dudes to dig a hole in his own back yard (so that he would be occupied), and went inside to talk to the remaining methie.

That guy was totally gross and paranoid though, and Jesse had to knock him out with an adjacent bong and take his shotgun from him. Mike showed up just in time to see Jesse not completely bungle his big move. During this episode, Mike also seemed fatherly toward Jesse. It’s obvious that the show is starting to have the two forge a real bond. Jesse is loveable, in his way. After all, he is the only person that Walt is not a complete douche to/Loyalty to Jesse is Walt’s only remaining redeemable quality.

And that might get taken away as Walt continues to see himself as the bad ass running the show when he so clearly is not. A substantial relationship between Mike (who is not completely heartless. Remember his story about trying to save the abuse victim?) and Jesse could lead to many exciting places in the second half of the season.

Will they take on Walt together? Will they take on Gus together? Will Mike be like, “Just kidding, I don’t really care about you” and shoot Jesse in the face? Only time will tell. We are also looking forward to watching Walt be a poor car wash manager, because you just know he's gonna suck at that. We also think that Skyler should go this season, whether she dies or leaves Walt for good. This show needs better female characters. Jane was likeable and Marie is more interesting than Skyler. There's just too much Skyler, even though she is more capable and smarter than Walt will ever be.

Grade for both episodes: B-

If Anyone Interrupts Us During Breaking Bad...

This. Mmmhmmm.

When the Shows Come Back

Add them to your calendar! If you are wondering about other shows, they are probably premiering midseason (like 30 Rock), or they are summer shows, or they have been cancelled. If you have a question about a specific show, ask us. We may know! No news on Make It or Break It. It hasn't been cancelled yet, but there is no indication of a new season.

http://insidetv.ew.com/2011/08/19/fall-2011-12-tv-schedule-dates/

Pretty Little Liars - Touched by an A-ngel

That alphabet cereal trick of A’s was pretty nifty, but is Emily really the weakest link? Spencer seemed more paranoid than ever in the first scene. Emily might be physically the weakest, because her stress expresses itself by attacking her body, but we think she’s emotionally one of the strongest. Also, who doesn’t grind their teeth, especially in their sleep? (Ok, fine, we know some people aren’t stressed. Lucky bastards.) Ughhh. We need massages too.

Finally, we were proud of Aria. She went right up to Jason and confronted him about the creepy pictures. The best way to handle any creeper is to just confront them in the safest or most public way possible, especially if their creepiness thrives on secrets. As we suspected (and one of us hoped), Jason had a perfectly good explanation for the photos. He didn’t take them. Ali did. Jenna heard Jason explain.

Aria’s mom, Ella, asked Anne, the girls’ old therapist, about possibly talking to depressed Mike. Anne recommended another therapist, because while siblings should learn to share most things, therapists are an example of something they shouldn’t share (along with toothbrushes and boyfriends/girlfriends).

Ezra showed up at the school with our favorite slutbag, Jackie Molina, and Aria saw her flirting with him. Now, we are going to keep the Ezra hate at a minimum for a while. We don’t know how long one of us can stand to do that, but it should last at least a whole post. After having a tough moment at her locker, because she’s stressed and missed swimming, Emily agreed to meet Anne in her office to talk. We did not get excited about an adult possibly finding out about A. That never happens.

Spencer spent time with Toby, packing up Ian’s things. Yay!! Toby!! He doesn’t get enough airtime. They found Ian’s yearbook and saw that he had been a member of the “N.A.T. Club” with Jason and Garrett. Neither of them had any idea what that club was. Rather than suspect it was an innocent inside term between best friends, related to some funny incident, Spencer’s wheels started turning and we immediately saw that she was thinking it was a real club with sinister, secret motivations. Well, on this show, that’s probably a safe assumption to make.

At the high school college fair, Ezra came up to Aria and said, “Have you considered Hollis College?...I think you’ll find the teachers are very hands on.” (*&*^&*%^&%^&%^&%^&) Nope, not gonna say anything. Aria told Ezra about Jason kissing her. Ezra was not pleased. Jackie interrupted his reaction (that we were very much enjoying). When Ezra walked away, Jackie said something that implied that Aria was naïve for being with Ezra. We kind of love her for that.

Emily unwisely went to her massage before seeing Anne, probably giving A lots of time to thwart the Anne situation. Also, a massage is a pretty vulnerable experience that requires just a smidge of security. Emily doesn’t have that now, so she was visibly nervous. We just knew something creepy was going to happen. And yup, her massage therapist was A. (Insert stupid happy ending joke that fosters misconceptions that might put real massage therapists in danger, if you must.)

Back at Nancy Drew Headquarters, Spencer was still looking for clues, and even Toby was worried about how obsessive she was. Then she found a shirt that said Nos Animadverto Totus (NAT). This means “We See All.” BLECK. Spencer deduced that because Ian liked to film the neighborhood’s girls, his friends were in on the pervy film fest. Then she jumped right to, “Maybe Jason killed Alison for the same reason we thought Ian did…to get back those tapes.” We know this can’t be right. It’s only season two and we’ve seen TV before. We believe Jason will turn out to be an ok guy, overall, like Toby.

Jason framed Ali’s picture of Aria sleeping and brought it to Aria as a gift. One of us can't decide if it's creepy or sweet. We know Ali took those pictures, but still. They sat in a café together, talking. Spencer and Toby happened by and saw them. Spencer broke into Ezra’s car and waited in his passenger seat for him. She told Ezra about Jason and Aria in the hopes that Ezra could keep them apart, because Aria isn’t listening. Ella Montgomery saw Spencer and Ezra in the car together. This is amazing and totally ironic. We love it. Good twist, show.

Hanna went riding with Mona and her new, snooty stepsister, Kate (and two of Kate’s friends, Margeaux and Bitsy. Nice names, huh? They say it all). Mona and Hanna lost Kate’s horses, because they are terrible, inexperienced riders. Hanna went back to the stables to complain about “Isa-hell” and Kate ruining her family. Too bad her comments were broadcast on a loudspeaker. And by “too bad,” we mean AH HAHAHAHAHA. Kate called Hanna at home and threatened her, comparing her to a horse that needed to be broken. We love that Kate is a super, upfront, mean girl. Hanna needs a worthy opponent while A bides his/her time.

Jenna stopped by Spencer’s house to threaten her to stop digging. Spencer hit her with a “tell Garrett I said hi.” Jenna met up with Garrett to tell him the unfortunate news that the girls knew about them. She said, “They are looking at yearbooks. It’s only a matter of time before they figure it out, if they haven’t already…It’s time to talk to Jason.”

Jason and Aria went to Jason’s house to get a box of Ali’s stuff. Ezra showed up to get Aria. He made a (*&^%$) love speech that was (&^%^*#%$), saying that he wanted to go public with their relationship, starting with Aria’s parents. Then they kissed and Jason saw it. Aria left with Ezra and Ali’s box. There was nothing interesting in it. At home, Aria and Ella spoke and Ella brought up the Mr. Fitz rumors and Spencer. Ella made it clear that Ezra dating a student would be an abuse of power, and if she found out that it was true, she would feel betrayed. This put a damper on Aria’s plans to come clean…probably ever.

Emily came home and took five showers. Spencer and Hanna comforted her. Reasons why Pretty Little Liars has socially redeeming qualities: We know we’ve covered this before, but the friendships!!! Seriously. That’s such a big part of this show and such a big part of life! We think friendship is really important in growing up. Yes, you might figure that out later (especially if you don’t want to spend life alone), but when you're young? It's so freaking important and the sooner kids learn the lesson, the better.

Aria showed up and told Spencer that she wasn’t mad at her. Cut to Garrett driving up to Jason’s. “I just want to make sure we’re still cool, Jason,” Garrett said. “What does it matter anymore? It’s over, right?” Jason asked. “I’m a cop now. It matters more than ever,” Garrett replied. The episode ended with A paying a visit to therapist Anne. Poor Anne.

Another good one.

Episode grade: A-

Let us pause now, at the end, to remember these marvelous quotes.
“If it needs a tent, it’s a circus.”
“Well, you know the Hastings’ motto. Why enjoy today when you could be worrying about tomorrow?”
“Kate Moss would look like a water buffalo in that.”

The Help

We love critics. We trust critics. We usually agree with them over audiences who will eat up any stupid, loud thing (Transformers, Pirates, Saws, most Katherine Heigl movies). But every once in a while, a movie covers issues that make the critics get all uppity. That’s why we don’t trust critics when it comes to religious or political movies. They have their opinions and audiences have theirs. Even if we agree with the critics’ politics often, we want to judge the controversial movies for ourselves.

We also hesitate to trust them when it comes to tear-jerking, sentimental movies. They’ve seen a lot of movies, they are a bunch of egg heads. They like to be superior, and they can be cynical. Also, they can be wrong when it comes to movies with moral messages and black-and-white characters. They have been taught that morality is simplistic and makes art less interesting.

The Help is one of those movies that is getting heat from a few critics. We are not sure why, because reading the reviews, most of the critics decline to give examples to support their opinions that the movie “glosses over its racist themes” or that it “occasionally flirts with utter irresponsibility.” All of this sounds like a knee-jerk, politically correct reaction to us. You can’t get conflicts like this perfectly, and the movie was true to the book, which plenty of people loved.

The reviews were mostly favorable. The only unfavorable ones with any merit were the ones that said that the movie was emotionally exhausting. We cried multiple times in this one, so bring some tissues. One blogger grew up in a southern family that had a maid. Her father was raised by one. This movie felt very true to that culture, with its manners, Junior League members, southern accents, marriage mania, obsession with how they are being perceived in society, and old-fashioned roles for women. What’s interesting is that a lot of that hasn’t changed. The maids are gone, but that’s about it. It’s cool to see how far we’ve come in some areas, but some things remain the same.

Talking to people who were around in the ‘60s, it’s amazing how many say, “They got that time just right.” My grandma was nice to her maid, but she said that she knew some people who definitely thought they were better. In a lot of ways, it’s a very healing movie, because we’re reminded that the Skeeters and Abileens of the world won and continue to usher in a more honest way of life.

So critics can whine about stereotypes, manipulation, how it was “too Disney,” “simplistic,” and too much of a feel-good movie. Yeah, it’s not subtle. Yeah the fried chicken part was…weird and stereotypical. But the audiences are loving the movie and feeling inspired by the AMAZING performances and the characters’ bravery. You rarely get a feel-good movie that feels this good.

We read the book, and we actually liked the movie better. The performances gave it an extra emotional punch. It’s rare that you feel more deeply in a movie than in the book, which has more time to work on your emotions. It was funny and affecting. Once again, Emma Stone plays the girl that smart girls who don't really fit in can relate to. Is she the new, female Tom Hanks? She's got the "everywoman" quality with none of the dowdiness.

Bottom line: If you are a woman, you will love this movie. If you are a guy, you might. If you are a critic, you might sit in your armchair with your old wine, Tolstoy in hand, and say something like, “It was droll, so very droll.” But no one will hear you over the applause like what we heard in our theater when the credits rolled.

Movie Grade: A-