Meanwhile, Blair and Serena were stalking their former loves on Gossip Girl. They disapproved of each other’s obsessions, and Blair made Serena promise to stop look at Dan/Vanessa and Juliet/Nate updates on Gossip Girl. Our question: Why on Earth is Gossip Girl tracking Dan/Vanessa? Starved for entertainment on the Upper East Side? Serena, in turn, made Blair promise not to destroy Chuck’s relationship with Eva. Psh, yeah right. It’s Blair. So Blair did a bit of stalking and caught Eva selling a fancy watch Chuck had given her. To be fair, Serena broke her side of the pact as well. But we understand Serena’s annoyance at these relationships; she is clearly better than both of these girls, and she is probably the Gossip Girl woman most likely to actually be able to carry out a successful relationship one day. It’s unjust for her to be shunned like this. Blair went to Chuck to tell him about the watch. Eva confessed to them that she had sold it in order to give money to one of Chuck’s butlers (???) so that he wouldn’t lose his home. Foiled again, Blair.
In Boring Land, with Dan was missing Milo, his dad, Vanessa and Lily were trying to get him to talk about it. Rufus made a good point: “You watched his birth, held him in your arms, took care of him, and thought he was yours.” Poor Dan. We actually feel bad for him, boring as he is. We think that would be devastating. A lot of guys’ lives are changed when they see their baby for the first time. What would it be like to feel those life-changing feelings?
Because he wanted to escape the pain rather than have lame Vanessa as a therapist, Dan called Fun Time Serena. They teamed up to help Blair get information on Eva, and they did. Apparently, Eva was a prostitute in Prague’s red light district. Ouch! Dumb Eva. Take your hooker profile off the internet when you try to start a new life! Especially if Blair freaking Waldorf is your new enemy! Blair scurried to share that information with Chuck, but Nate, who heard the news from Dan, told Chuck first. It didn’t ruin his relationship with Eva.
Dan told Serena that he wasn’t over her yet. He also told his dad that, last season, he was on the verge of flying to Paris and confessing his love for Serena when Georgina showed up with Milo and changed his summer plans. Dan and Serena went to Chuck’s party together, and Vanessa caught them. What is Vanessa doing at Chuck’s party? Are they close? Is Vanessa on the A-list now? Dan asked Serena who she was going to choose when she came back from Paris – him or Nate. Serena said she wasn’t sure, and Dan didn’t like that answer and left, going back to Vanessa and sharing his feelings about Milo. He said losing Milo broke his heart. POOR DAN. Sad, sad, sad. Nate fought with Juliet, because he suspected she was cheating on him. She told him she was visiting her brother, who was the sort of bad news she didn’t want cluttering up her budding relationship, and Nate took her back. Blah.
But Blair was not done yet (is she ever?). She got Chuck’s passport out of the envelope of personal effects from the robbery that the French police sent Chuck. Blair told Chuck that she found it in Eva’s suitcase and that Eva lied to him about not knowing who he was when they fell in love. Blair told Chuck that Eva was just another scheming user. A crushed Chuck believed Blair, saying, “How could someone good actually love me?” Of course. The relationship was all about how Eva made Chuck feel about himself and about filling some hole he had inside. It wasn’t true love, like it will be with Blair when they finally get back together. Dumb Chuck. Why, if Eva had your passport, would she bring it with her and leave it in her suitcase where you could find it? She would have ditched it. There was no reason to keep it, duh. Instead of thinking that rational thought, Chuck told Eva to go back to Paris, quite rudely if you ask us. He told her to leave only with the things he had not given her. Cheap and classless, Chuck, even if she HAD been a devious gold-digger. When Chuck found out the truth, he apologized to Eva. But Eva did not take him back, citing his chemistry with Blair as one of the reasons she should go. Good Eva, smart Eva. Maybe we will miss you.
Chuck went to Blair’s to confront her, asking her whether she ruined his relationship out of hate or because she still loved him. Blair deflected, and Chuck took that as an admission that she did it because she hated him and didn’t want to see him happy. DUMB. Of course she loves you, moron. He told her “This means war, Blair. Me vs. you. No limits.”
We can’t wait to see an all-out Chuck/Blair war. We are rooting for Blair. We hate that Chuck was happy first, when he was the one who messed up the Chuck/Blair relationship. We want to see Chuck jealous. We want to see the girl power. Team Blair for life. Mostly because the actor who plays Chuck KEEPS WHISPERING when he’s talking to people. He’s a good actor other than that, but no one whispers in normal conversation across a room.
Episode grade- B+