Colony Collapse- Gob
Finally finally finally the Gob episode. We knew his episode would be the funniest, but what we didn't know is that all the episodes after this one would be good too. We are through the long night of the "meh" and ready for actual Arrested Development to start.
At the end of the season three finale, Gob is dating Ann, George Michael's ex girlfriend. Ann is less than an hour away from turning 18.
Gob then realizes that there is nothing standing in the way of him having a committed, loving relationship with Ann. This freaks him out. In fact, upon this realization, Simon and Garfunkel's "The Sound of Silence" starts playing. "Hello Darkness, my old friend…."
Gob breaks into Ann's house that night in order to break up with her, but before he can, Ann unzips her pajamas. This reminds Gob of past situations where he was aroused and the two make love in her bed, right in front of her Jesus painting.
Afterward, Gob is wearing her zip-up PJs, and Ann is wearing his shirt. He looks ridiculous; she looks pretty good. Gob still can't bring himself to break up with Ann.
Gob jokingly says, "marry me," and Ann takes it literally. Ann screams in joy and her entire family comes out of their rooms (Alan Tudyk!) to celebrate.
As they envelop him in love, The Sound of Silence plays again. Gob says, "I've made a huge mistake."
Gob tells his own family the "good" news and gets almost no reaction. Meanwhile, Tony Wonder (Ben Stiller), Gob's old rival, has come out of the closet and is making bank with his "gay magician act."
Gob appears on Ann's father's religious talk show, And As It Is Such, So Also As Such Is It Unto You, where Gob pronounces that he wants his wedding to appear on the show. Gob announces (in the most sacrilegious way possible) that, at his wedding, he will be performing an illusion. Oy.
Gob asks Michael to be his best man. Slash assistant. Michael refuses this offer because he's just announced that he's out of the family again. Gob missed the announcement because he was depressed and zoning out and Sounds of Silence was playing in his head again.
Gob tells Michael that he already has the bees for his bee company that he's started. That'll come up later. It already has in the last episode.
On the day of Gob's wedding, Gob has set up a trick where he goes into a tomb like Jesus, but he really sneaks out and hides in a boulder prop and makes his escape. Gob is sad to see that none of his family members showed up for the wedding.
Then he sees that Tobias is there and is gladdened until he realizes that Tobias only came in order to play Roman Centurion Number Two. The church is called Holy Eternal Rapture (HER), so above the wedding party, it looks like the lettering says, "Her?" This is an old Ann joke from seasons past.
Gob's trick sequence is hilarious. It features him up on a glittery cross saying that Jesus rising from the dead wasn't a trick. "It was an illusion." Oh, Lord.
On the back of the cross, it says, "Love Each Other," which is Gob's catchphrase for his "Christian Magician" persona. Of course, The Final Countdown is played. Gob announces that he will stay entombed for two weeks.
Gob goes into the tomb, handcuffed, but is unable to open the secret compartment that contains the handcuff key. He is unable to break his fall into the boulder prop and is knocked unconscious before the boulder is wheeled away by assistants.
Ann realizes that Gob isn't coming back in two weeks and has ditched her. She takes it well. We are definitely Ann fans. It's nice to see her back. She's seriously pretty these days too! Especially on Parenthood.
Gob remains stuck in the boulder in the church parking lot and is shipped to a storage unit. This is why Gob misses Lucille's hearing.
In two weeks, the tomb is opened and Gob is not there. He left a note that says, "If I have not returned, I am in the rapture. Love each other."
Gob is finally discovered in an episode of the reality TV program "Locker Hawkers." The show labels him "Feral Jesus."
Ann visits Gob in the hospital and tells him that she sold his cave on Craigslist. Gob tries to rekindle the commitment, for some reason, but Ann breaks up with him and leaves him a religious tract. The tract gets through to Gob.
Gob calls Steve Holt to reconnect and asks his son to meet him at a bar. At the bar, Gob is talking to a funny stranger when he realizes that this is an almost unrecognizable, aged Steve Holt.
Steve offers his father a job in pest control so that they can have a father/son business. Gob pretends he is coming.
Gob stays at the bar late, showing off his magic. He gets the attention of a teen pop star, Mark Cherry, and his entourage, as well as Rebel Alley.
When the paparazzi shows up, Mark Cherry flips because he knows he'll be in trouble with his handlers if the photographers get a drunk picture. Gob says, "Getting away is kind of my specialty."
Gob throws lighter fluid in the paparazzi's eyes and drives Mark and his entourage out of there in Mark's limo. Gob is accepted into the group. Mostly as a driver. They call him Getaway.
Gob and the entourage spend the next few weeks partying and then waking up with deep shame. But Gob has a trick for dealing with shame: his roofies.
Unfortunately, taking his "forget me nows" makes Gob forget that he took them, so he gets into this Memento-type memory spiral that keeps him roofed most of the time, but unable to actually forget the shameful event he wanted to erase in the first place.
Gob ends up in a Mexican hospital with stage four syphilis, and he wears out his welcome with Mark Cherry and the boys. Mark writes a song about Gob that goes, "Go away, go away, get away, Getaway. Stay Away, stay Away."
Gob knows this song and sings it often, but he doesn't get the subtle hint to leave. It's a really catchy song and we want a full version on our iPods, stat.
Gob puts his sick bees in the trunk of the limo, and takes the gang to pick up some women (including DeBrie). The bees end up stinging everyone except for Gob who put up the driver partition.
They end up at rock bottom, drunk, sick, and covered in bee stings and are taken away in ambulances. Gob notices none of this.
The next day, Gob shows up at the Opies, an awards show where Mark Cherry is being honored. Tony Wonder is also there. Just as Gob notices this, Maeby runs by with a trophy.
Gob wedges a panel shut so that Tony Wonder can't escape from the podium. Then he calls Mark Cherry so that his friends can come laugh at Tony Wonder's imminent failure. He finds out that Mark Cherry checked into rehab.
Gob says, "A little alcohol poisoning never killed anyone." He finds out that Mark Cherry isn't really his friend and then Tony Wonder pops out of a speaker, not the podium. Then there's an explosion.
In that pivotal moment, Gob realizes that he lost a fiancee, his career, his family, and his entourage. Gob says, "I have no one in my life who cares for me." And The Sound of Silence plays again. "Hello Darkness, my old friend…"
Gob's phone rings. His ring tone is the Mark Cherry Getaway song. It's Steve Holt. Gob says, "Great, and now my boss is on my ass."
Lucille calls Gob, who still has the limo, to offer him the desert job to prepare to be company president. He goes to the desert, the bees escape, and Gob realizes that the sauna cave his father has been using is the same cave he used in his Christian magician's escape.
Gob finds a small, metallic "t" in the secret compartment that had wedged it shut, ruining Gob's trick. Gob thinks the "t" stands for Tony Wonder and that he was sabotaged by his rival. It's obviously a small cross.
Episode grade: A