Five Endings to Dexter that Would Have Been Better than the One We Got

Dexter was one of our favorite shows. We even loved the Lumen season. It was season six that dropped the ball, but season seven caught it again. Then season eight took a knife and POPPED the ball. The final episodes were so bad that we can’t in good conscience recommend the show anymore. It taints the entire thing. 

The only way we can make people watch it is to turn off the show before the last season and say, “I don’t have those DVDs, but here’s how it ends” and make something up. Here are our options. Sound off with your own if you have other thoughts:

1. Dexter and Deb are busy hating each other. Dexter leaves the country, but Deb gets a hold of Harrison so Dexter can’t take him. The second half of the season: a time jump. Harrison is ten and is showing signs of a Dark Passenger. Dexter comes back into the country at Deb’s request to help Harrison the way his father helped him. After a little bit of that, Dexter is arrested. Death penalty.
2. The same ending, only Dexter dies and doesn’t become a lumberjack

BUT, we hear that Showtime wouldn’t let the writers kill Dexter (we guess they had no problem with Deb, arguably the heart of the show, dying…weird), although he absolutely needed to die. Still, there were options

1. The way the show was going at the perfectly tolerable beginning of the final season, Deb hated Dexter and even tried to kill him. The show should have gone all the way with that. Rather than salvage the relationship, a season-long arc of Deb hunting Dexter, ending in a bloody climax that killed one or both of them, would have been much more exciting. It might even have been more true to the characters. 
2. Dexter abandons the code completely, goes off the rails, and starts killing whoever he wants. In season seven, he abandoned the code for a kill. Hannah had a lot to do with that. One problem with most of Dexter’s run is that Dexter has a conscience and feels bad for things like Rita’s death and Deb’s trauma. Sociopaths. Don’t. Feel. Bad. It was all psychologically unbelievable. It would have been more fitting to have Dexter just become a real serial killer. Then someone like Batista could have shot him. Instead, the show wimped out by making him a normal family man vigilante who was capable of some very normal love. That would have been fine…but that’s not the idea of the show. Stick with your idea. 
3. Dexter and Deb are busy hating each other, but they have to team up to protect themselves and Harrison when Hannah returns. Hannah kills Deb; Dexter kills Hannah. Dexter gets blamed and has to run with Harrison. He gets out of the country. In his new country, Dexter starts hunting again. 

As things stand, we got a boring season, a cop-out on what the show was setting up with Deb, and the worst possible ending to the series in the finale. Actually, the show could have done worse. It could have had Deb and Dexter have sex before she died. The show flirted with that, but decided that would be really stupid. Then, it decided to do the second most stupid idea.

UGHHHH

Season eight half one grade: B

Season eight half two and finale grade: F

The Vampire Diaries- The ways to make it good again (and whether this new season is taking advantage of said ways)

The Vampire Diaries used to be one of the most shockingly good guilty pleasures ever to suck us in and force us to start defending it. Then the last season amped up all its worst elements, ditched every aspect we liked and bored us to death. The three biggest culprits? 1) The cure and the search for it. 2) The Sire Bond and 3) The Originals. Why? Because the cure was less of a mystery and more of a search for something, and this is a show that thrives on mystery. Plus, we were sitting there thinking that Elena was going to be cured and the twist of the last season finale would be moot. Fortunately, the show saved itself by humaning Katherine instead. 

The sire bond sucked because no one wanted Elena to get with Damon because of a supernatural compulsion. We wanted her to choose him, to fall, to finally be fed up with Stefan, and for Damon to actually deserve her in that moment. Instead, we got a cop out. Perfect Elena couldn't choose Damon…she had to be forced too. Plus, it was all a little rape-y. Chicks don't dig rape-y (we're chicks). The show pulled it together by breaking the bond and having Elena still choose Damon in the end. But it could have been so much more delicious. See: The Killing Dance by Laurel K Hamilton (you have to start with Guilty Pleasures in that series and stop after Obsidian Butterfly, but when you see this situation handled with no sire bond, you'll see how great Delena could have been…and weep). 

The Originals were not only whiney and boring, they did nothing but mull around and threaten to do bad things. Two seasons with them were seasons of inaction, for the most part. They were too busy backstabbing each other, drinking, and teasing people to really get down to evil plans. Th sonly reason we are tuning in this year is because they are gone. Will we watch their new show? Never.

Since they are gone, we will give TVD another chance. How is it going after five episodes? Have the writers fixed the problems? Let's see.

1. The Fix: No more fake deaths. Has it been fixed?: No, the show hasn't fixed this. Think to yourself: who on this show hasn't fake died only to not really be dead or to be resurrected? Almost fucking no one. And it takes the stakes away. Now, every time someone dies, we can't mourn in the moment or be shocked because we are too busy knowing that they will probably back. We sit there wondering how rather than crying. We knew Bonnie was coming back this entire time, and now we know how. Silas can trade his life for hers. Ho hum, snore. Her funeral scene was actually really touching. But it's ruined now. Still, we're pretty glad Katherine is still alive. To fix this annoying problem, the show needs to have some character (like a witch) tamper with the veil so that no one can ever come back from the dead unless they are being turned into a vampire. No more resurrections; no more ghosts. Then when a character gets their neck cracked, viewers will sit up and take notice. 
2. The Fix: More human characters. Everyone on the show is supernatural, but we need moments of every day bravery and friendship. We need humans to be shocked at what is going on and for the good supernatural characters to protect. Matt is not enough. Has it been fixed?: Yeah! Well, it's starting to get fixed. We have the creepy college professor, who we love. Katherine took the cure and was seen fighting a sinus infection (ha!). And Elena is making friends with a student whose life is as depressing as hers. Aaron. Jesse was a good one, until he got turned. At least he's still hot as hell. College is full of potential human love interests, victims, and friends. By widening the potential character pool, the show is promising us new life.
3. The Fix: Proactive heroes. Has it been fixed? Not really. Elena seems to care only about her own circle of friends and loved ones. We want characters who go hunting for evil and who actively protect their town. Where is the vampire neighborhood watch? Jeremy is a vampire hunter who never seems to go on an actual vampire hunt. Caroline and Elena are more focused on having a fun, typical college experience than putting their super powers to good use. Instead of waiting for baddies to go after them, we'd like to see the characters start hunting some baddies, vigilante style. Elena has the physical strength to be a bad ass FINALLY, and yet she was more bad ass when she was a human? Questionable, show. Questionable. 
4. The Fix: Break up Delena. Has it been fixed? No, but at least an episode had Elena remembering how great Stefan was before he started ripping heads off. Amnesia is usually lame, but Stefan's memory loss gave Elena a reason to go over the way they met and remember what she gave up. Stelena was one of the most healthy, supportive, equal relationships in TV history, and we don't think Damon earned Elena yet. He's not far enough away from the serial killer he used to be. Elena should ditch both guys (after Damon does something awful and makes a huge mistake) and date someone who has never serial killed anyone for a while. A real contender too, not just a red herring. We'd like to wonder, "Hey, could she actually end up with someone who isn't one of the Salvatore brothers?" Not Aaron…he's not hot enough. Someone human. A college senior. Then have both Salvatore brothers in agony trying to win her back. That's the tension we need.
5. The Fix: Better baddies. Has it been fixed? Sigh. A little. We don't like doppelgänger baddies. Just hire a new actor! The doppelgänger crap barely worked with Terry O'Quinn on LOST, and that was TERRY O'QUINN. Sorry, but no one on The Vampire Diaries is strong enough of an actor that they can't compete with Terry on the plane of "let's create another character for them, because we love having them around" except for Nina Dobrev. Nina is by far the best performer on the show. Also, the show is still giving the bad guy the same personality as Klaus. A slow-moving, threatening whiner. Silas is Klaus 2.0, but we don't even have the fun Klaroline subplot. Silas needs to go. The "little bit" that has been fixed, villain-wise is a) Qetsiyah and b) the college prof. We like them and think that they can take the show places whiner baddies can't. 
6. The Fix: Institute some kind of panel of authority. Has it been fixed? No, but having a secret society of (we think) college professors guarding the school from vamps is a start. Just read the Harry Dresden books to find out that the White Counsel of wizards is probably the most fun aspect of the series to read about. There is something about the heroes rebelling against authority and having the authority misjudge them that hits a good note with the audience. This show just has random transients with powers running around and getting into conflict. A government can provide more tension. 
7. The Fix: Widen the supernatural pool and don't introduce the most powerful of their kind for a long time. Also, move some of the focus out of Mystic Falls. Has it been fixed? Well, we have the travelers. Not a new concept in this genre, but we will take it. We can't be scared of vampire enemies ever again, because the Originals were the most powerful of their kind. They were brought in too soon. But there are several mythological creatures to choose from. We wouldn't even mind the show dipping into religious mythology. Supernatural had its best seasons once it brought on the angels. The Vampire Diaries could do a darker, sexier spin on that idea. (Wait. Never mind. Nothing is sexier than Castiel.) As far as the new locale, college doesn't seem like a forced new territory AND it's really working. The show has fully tapped the mysteries of the small town. It's time to move on. These characters are hundreds of years old, for the most part, and shouldn't be holed up in one area.
8. The Fix: Get another mystery going and then bring on the twists that made the first few seasons so fun. Has it been fixed?- YES, and the pacing is awesome. We have Katherine's daughter, the reveal of Qetsiyah, and the question of what in the darn hell that teacher is up to. Unanswered questions keep us coming back for more (see: LOST), and this show is churning out the head scratchers again. Last season, the questions were a) when is Klaus finally going to make a real move and b) who is going to get the cure/where is the cure. And that's IT. Not enough. Now, we even have Elena's parents as part of the mystery. That worked for Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban, so it should work here too. 
9. The Fix: More mature characters. Has it been fixed? No, and it's grating on our last nerve. These characters are teenagers with powers even when they are old as dirt. The writers need to sit down and watch Blast from the Past. The characters need to show their age instead of hold petty grudges and lack any amount of wisdom. Elena Gilbert and Caroline Forbes are 18 years old and have more maturity then any older character on this show. The Originals were so stupid! We needed some reminder of the age gaps. Sheeeee-it, they aren't even trying. Silas wakes up after 2,000 years. The last thing he remembers is ancient fucking Greece. AND HE SPEAKS AND ACTS LIKE HE'S BEEN IN OUR CULTURE FOREVER! Now, we know what you're thinking: He can read people's minds. He's been getting his behavior and speech from everyone else, and they are modern. Still. No.
10. The Fix: More bromances/emphasis on non-sexual relationships. Has it been fixed? Yes. While nothing can replace Damon and Alaric, seeing Stefan calling Caroline his best friend is awesome. Elena might find a bro of her own in Aaron. Das goooooood.

Overall, the show has made significant steps in the right direction and the first five episodes of this season are enough to renew our faith that last season was a sad fluke. There are still some repeated mistakes, but it's so rare that a show goes uphill after a stumble that we are ready to forgive it. Keep it up, show. We're still fans. Just never ever ever bring the originals back, even when their show fails.

Breaking Bad- The final eight episodes *spoilers*

We weren't blogging during Breaking Bad's final run, which is a complete and inexcusable failure on our parts. Leeard had been working for a year prior to The Long Hiatus and had only been able to edit and add stuff to pre-drafted posts. When Ern became a prosecutor, that was the last straw. People just kept committing crimes! Ern has 753 cases right now, but she's gotten better at handling them and doesn't have to be in the office as much. So the blog is back on (although there should be some dead periods. Trials, you know.)

We still managed to watch the last season of one of the best shows in history. Here's a rundown of our thoughts.

The standout episodes were the premiere, Ozymandius, and the finale. The premiere was great because of how it handled Hank knowing about Walt. Instead of dragging it out or jumping to the climax of that storyline immediately, the show gave us what we really wanted to see: an anger-fueled confrontation with Hank punching Walt in the face. Kick ass.

Ozymandius is the episode where EVERYTHING happened. Walt Jr. heard the truth and was cool FOR ONCE. He is the only person who finds out about Walt to immediately do the right thing and call the police. He actually took his mom's side for the first time and defended her. After five years of hating gloomy, mopey Walt Jr., we finally liked him. 

And Hank! So sad. But he went out himself, not begging. 

The finale was perfect…except for one thing. Our gripe is that there were no surprises. But maybe that's good. Shows have tried to do finale twists and just ruined everything. Breaking Bad gave the fans what they wanted.

We got closure, Jesse lived, Walt redeemed himself a little, Lydia died, Todd died, Jesse chose to spare Walt, Walt finally admitted that he didn't cook meth for his family, and Walt died. The series absolutely needed to end with Walt dying. There was an alternative idea floating around the writers room: to have everyone BUT Walt die, including his family, but that would have been to bleak.

It was a satisfying, feel-good ending that ultimately fit a feel-good show. It might have been a dark topic, but the show had enough humor and intensity that it almost always felt good to watch. 

As far as the other episodes go, we liked the one where Hank and Marie watched Walt's hilarious, brilliant confession video. We liked that Walt told Jesse about Jane dying. We like that Skyler didn't die. It would have given all the sexist Skyler haters too much to cheer about. We both loved Skyler. Deal with it.

We also liked seeing how scared Jesse was of Walt. This entire series, Walt has been manipulating Jesse to the point of near abuse. When Jesse was working with Hank, he revealed that he thought of Walt as a near-magical figure. It explains plenty of Jesse's actions over the months.

Not that Jesse is innocent. In the end, he deserved everything that happened to him because of his poor, selfish choices early on. Sure, he could never have foreseen all the consequences, but we're not in the camp that thinks Jesse is a perfect angel just because he has a soft spot for kids.

We do love Jesse though. We are glad he lived. We like that he got away with no profit even more. He's back at square one. He doesn't have millions. He has to start over…and he probably should. 

There were moments after the first episode and before Ozymandius where the show had an odd tone and dragged a little. But the writers pulled everything back together quickly. Everything from the beginning, all the themes and details, came back for the end and tied together perfectly. The final season fit what came before it. 

Season grade: A

Get ready

We are returning to the blog

Under the Dome- Pilot

Well, for summer fare, that was probably the best thing we could ever hope to get. HOWEVER, the pilot spent so much time meeting people and setting things up that the show could go anywhere from here. It could be a little like LOST...or it could be a little like Terra Nova. Bleck.

So far, so good though.

We've got a wide range of characters, motivations, and even a few promising secrets. We don't know the answer to the ultimate secret: What is the source of the dome? Stephen King said, in a letter to his fans, that the showrunners changed his ending.

 This is just as well, because King's ending was kind of lame. Hopefully the TV series takes what worked in the novel (which is a lot) and runs with it, cutting the stuff that can be trimmed. For what it's worth, Stephen King approves of the series and is even an executive producer.

One of our grandmothers changed the channel when the cow got split in half, but we thought it was awesome.

There's not much else to say. There's potential for goodness and failure. We'll let you know how it goes if you want to wait and see.

Episode grade: B

Freaks and Geeks

Yeah, one of us had never seen this (and the other one of us hadn't seen it in a really long time and didn't remember it very well). Can you believe that? So we watched all 18 episodes on Instant Netflix in the past two days. That should give you a hint as to where this post is going.

This is a great show for people who are out of high school. If you're in college or older, you can appreciate this show. Most high school and middle school students would be better off sticking to the shows aimed at them: Pretty Little Liars, Gossip Girl, The Secret Life of the American Teenager, etc. Mature teens will like and relate to Freaks and Geeks though.

We were hooked very early on. This show is like a more mature version of The Wonder Years, only set in the '80s and focusing on two teens, a boy and a girl, rather than just one Kevin Arnold.   Another comparison: Did you ever wonder what My So-Called Life would have been like if it were funny?

We can't think of anything bad to say about this show except that the pacing and humor might be off for some people, but that comes down to personal taste, not quality. The music is great. It's all from around that era, and one episode features music entirely from The Who. We love The Who.

The cast is perfect and you'll see a lot of familiar faces that made it big later. James Franco, Seth Rogan, Jason Segel, Rashida Jones, Busy Phillips from Cougar Town, Leslie Mann, Lizzy Caplan, and Samaire Armstrong from The O.C. are all in it. What's more, they're all good in it.

We always appreciate when female characters are well-written and when sexist stereotypes are called out on a show through a mention, a joke, or a nod. This is the case here. The main female character, Lindsey, is just as likable, funny, and complex as her male costars.

Romance is not the main focus of the show in any way. Lindsey's life doesn't revolve around getting some guy or keeping a boyfriend. She's more interested in finding out who she is and experimenting. She's more consumed with her relationships with friends and family than guys.

Love stories appear on the show, but in a realistic way rather than a dumb, romanticized way. We did not immediately guess who Lindsay's main love interest would be. We expected it to be someone else, but her relationship with that guy stayed platonic in the first season.

We think Jason Segel stole the show with his portrayal of Nick, a sweet, dumb pothead who fears that he will have to go into the military if he doesn't get good at drums...and he's really bad at drums. We actually liked his song that Seth Rogan stopped him from performing!

This show is a classic for its realistic portrayal of high school students. Most of the cast members are either high-school aged or close to it. The scripts are witty and have an undertone of wry, realistic Judd Apatow humor. The show captures the awkwardness of being a high school geek boy and the confusion of being a high school girl.

The only complaint we have is that there isn't more of this show to watch. While there is some closure at the end of the season, there were many more potential storylines left untapped and a few relationships ended in a sort of limbo. Still, recommended.

Show grade: A

Hello Germans!

Pretty Little Liars: Season 4, episodes 1-2.

Okay, we don't exactly know why our blog views have skyrocketed in the past week, but it makes sense that it's the return of Pretty Little Liars. That means we'd better write about it, right? Give the people what they want!

Dan Harmon is Officially Coming Back to Community for Season 5!!!!

YESSSSSS

Now we'll start watching it again

Burning TV questions that only time can answer/things we're worried about:

1. Will they drag Pretty Little Liars on too long?
2. Will Supernatural ever be good again? Will Homeland be able to match the quality of its first season next year? 
3. Will Breaking Bad and Dexter have endings worthy of them? And can they please let Jesse Pinkman live?
4. Will George R.R. Martin's sixth book be better than four and five? Will he actually end it on the seventh? Can he finish on time to stay ahead of the show?
5. Will the next crop of new shows be better than the new shows last year, of which there was maybe one good effort?
6. Has Once Upon a Time completely lost its thunder, and will the show ever make sense? Ditto The Vampire Diaries.
7. Will the 24 reunion be good, or will it be like 24:Redemption, the awful movie?
8. Will they make more of the (still excellent) Arrested Development series or will the haters shut it down?
9. Will people inexplicably keep watching Arrow and keep it on the air?
10. Will Bunheads ever have anything resembling a plot?

ERGHHHH

Game of Thrones season 3, episode 10 (and commentary on the whole season and favorite moments)

Mhysa- We think everyone was surprised at how few big events were in the finale. And the show gave us yet another Dany ending. Mmkay. We've had quite a few of those. 

Book readers know that there were a handful of things the show could have explored or shown in the finale and any one of them would have been good. For the most part, the characters didn't move much. 

Arrested Development Season 4, Episode 8 recap/review

Red Hairing- Lindsay

Lindsay is living at Marky Bark's desert ostrich farm. She has an adorable short haircut. 

Marky tells Lindsay that he was the one who tried to scare the CEOs off the desert land (the Native-American/Ostrich-looking guy who talked to George Sr. and Oscar. Marky and Lindsay are upset that they keep finding numbed desert animals that appear to be dead. Oh, Dr. Norman.

Note to commenters

We've had 100 comments this week that were spam comments. Notice that none of them have appeared on this blog. If you are leaving a BS comment and your own website, the comment is deleted. If it's an ad, it's deleted. We moderate the comments. Stahp. You're wasting your time.

Legitimate comments are encouraged, welcomed, and answered :-)

New show: The Fosters- Season 1, Episode 1

This is show from ABCFamily about a family with two adopted kids and a new foster daughter, as well as a biological son. If that sounds too traditional for you, know that the parents are also two women. And the family is multi-racial. 

We’re pretty stoked. There are already a few conservative, religious groups opposing the show, but talk is cheap and people will always complain. The joke’s on them. The show is getting free publicity from all the attention they are giving it.

Probably the best thing about this show is that it will make teens grow up thinking that fostering children when they are grown up will be a cool thing to do. It’s a great option and one that more conservatives should take, rather than going for their perfect, comfortable lives. 

It’s one thing to say you love God and others; It’s another thing to open your home.

Hopefully the show will have more people considering this, including the haters who are focusing on the wrong thing as usual (other people’s choices instead of how to serve those others).

This is a good show to pair with Switched At Birth, another program about people coming together to form an abnormal family. 

The pilot was nice and entertaining, if predictable. It did a good job of introducing all the characters and the family dynamic. We liked most of the characters so far. 

It’s hard to judge how good the show will be going forward, but we’re interested in seeing what’s next. We hope things don’t get too perfect or too sappy, but we also hope that the characters avoid getting unlikeable like on Life, Unexpected.

Mariana’s dilemma and poor choices are particularly intriguing, and we love what a nice guy Brandon is. We love that Stef is a police officer. The people on the show are down-to-Earth and not preachy, which is a great thing.

There’s also some humor, which could be amped up a little in less dramatic episodes. The pacing was good. We’re into this so far. Good music too.

Episode grade: B+

Teen Wolf Season 3, episode 1

Tattoo- This episode didn't hold our attention the entire time. Also, the opening scene went on for too long. 

It's common for a show to open right in the middle of action, but it's not as interesting as shows seem to think it is. The best opening has tension, but a dialogue-filled tension. 

A perfect example would be the opening of Inglorious Basterds.

We're sad to see Jackson has left, because we liked his character and thought he was hot. We're also wondering where Peter is too. 

We liked the new female character that the new alpha, Deucalion, might have killed. We hope he didn't.

Also, we're going to have so much fun spelling his name all season. (Sarcasm) Deucalion wants to get Derek to kill his whole pack. 

The best thing about the episode was the animal suicides. Very creepy and creative. We loved the bird scene.

We also like the new teacher and the way she started class. We're glad that Scott is focusing on school more, but who studies for the PSATs? Those matter even less than the real SATs. 

It looks like it's going to be a good season. Love Allison's new haircut; hate Scott's tattoo. We agree with Stiles. Get a tattoo that means something to you or is funny, not just a tattoo for the sake of getting a tattoo. 

As long as we have interaction between Stiles and his cop father in every episode, we'll continue to be happy with this show.

That won't stop us from laughing at the super-buff, manly looking freshman this show is trying to pass off as being 14.

Episode grade: B

Game of Thrones season 3, episode 9

The Rains of Castamere- It's been 12 hours, so now we're ready to write about the Red Wedding. Even reading the books couldn't have fully prepared us for the visceral shock and tragedy of that scene. 

Pretty Little Liars show summary: Updated to include all of season 3.

And now, before season four starts, a synopsis of the last three seasons. 

First, a few characters:

Alison DiLaurentis- The dead girl who started it all. Alison DiLaurentis is the Liars' friend who was murdered. She was a fabulous, evil bitch. She often shows up in flashbacks (thank God)

Liar #1:Aria Montgomery- Aria is the Liar wearing too many accessories and crazy outfits at all time. She's mature, outgoing, and artistic (kind of). Her parents are the awesome Ella Montgomery and the lame Byron Montgomery, and she has a younger brother named Mike Montgomery, who is rarely seen. We suspect Aria of being "A."

Arrested Development Season 4, Episode 7 recap/review in chronological order

Colony Collapse- Gob

Finally finally finally the Gob episode. We knew his episode would be the funniest, but what we didn't know is that all the episodes after this one would be good too. We are through the long night of the "meh" and ready for actual Arrested Development to start.

At the end of the season three finale, Gob is dating Ann, George Michael's ex girlfriend. Ann is less than an hour away from turning 18. 

Arrested Development season 4, episode 6 recap/review

Double Crossers- George Sr. Noooooooooo.

As we go through the last lame episode of this season, we shake our heads wondering how the writers, directors, and producers didn't know how hard the beginning would be for people to get through. The cast split up; the jokes still being set up, two George Sr. episodes and two Michael ones! Zzzzz.

But we're almost through the fog and into the episodes that feel like this show, albeit a really dark version of this show. We actually like the darkness. Hello darkness, my old friend. But we're getting ahead of ourselves.

Best almost news of the week

Dan Harmon is in talks to come back to Community.

That would be amazing. We would both start watching it again (only one of us is watching it now). The show was so much better when he ran it, jerk or not.

The Fall- Season 1

A BBC show, The Fall, has come to America on Netflix. There is one season and it consists of five episodes. It stars Gillian Anderson, Archie Panjabi, and Jamie Dornan. This show was renewed for a second season on May 27, 2013. It will start production at the beginning of next year. As fans of a few BBC shows, we're used to long waits.

The Fall is about Detective Stella Gibson, a woman who specializes in the psychology of killers. She is brought in to hunt a man named Paul Spector who is pretending to be a loving family man while killing women in Belfast. 

First, the bad news:

• The ending of the season is so unsatisfying! The last episode is very good, but we can't believe we have to wait probably more than a year to see it. That's an awfully long wait for a story like this. 
• The show has kind of a slow start. Two hour-long episodes in, we almost quit watching and didn't love it.
• The pacing can be off. We think the amount of actual plot they had could have been stuffed into three or four episodes, or even a movie with a frustrating "to be continued" at the end.
• There's a B-plot featuring corruption that we didn't give two hoots about.

The good news:

• It's well-written and beautifully shot most of the time.
• Gillian Anderson. Not only is she great in this, but she's absolutely stunning.
• Sheriff Graham from Once Upon a Time is getting work. Sure, it's as a serial killer, so we can't swoon over his hotness properly, but we'll take what we can get. 
• The feminism. Holy crap is it good on this show. Stella calls out misogynists when it's appropriate and bites her tongue when she knows it won't be properly received. She's pretty bad ass too.
• It's set in Ireland, so everyone has an adorable accent. There are little kids in it too, and they have adorable accents. It's like double the adorable.
• There's a scene in the finale that's (sort of) between Stella and the killer, and it's electric. You won't be able to take your eyes off of it.

Our recommendation is that you catch up on other shows for now, but get into this right before the start of the second season. You don't want to be stuck waiting like we are. It's not worth jumping into just five episodes only to have to wait for freaking ever for the story to be picked up. But check it out when season two is up.

Show grade: B

Arrested Development Season 4, episode 5 recap/review in chronological order

A New Start- Tobias's first episode. 

Ah! Just what the show needed right? A Tobias episode? Well, it's definitely an improvement over focusing on Michael, Lindsay, and George Sr., but it didn't meet our high expectations for a Tobias episode. 

At the end of the season three finale, Lindsay is breaking up with Tobias and tells him that he is gay. Tobias is surprised to hear that people think this, and Lindsay assures him that this is a running joke in the family because of the misleading way in which Tobias speaks. The constant gay Freudian slips.

We love that this show doesn't make fun of Tobias for being gay, but rather for being in denial that he's gay.

Hannibal has been renewed for a second season

Yay! That's deserved. We have to get caught up.

Arrested Development Season 4, Episode 4 recap/review

The B. Team- Focal character: Michael Bluth

At this point in the season, this episode needed to be a slam-dunk. Enough was enough. We'd had two "meh" episodes in a row, preceded by a "pretty good" one. Sadly, this one was "meh" and really dragged the show down, making some lose hope for this comeback.

If they had put the Gob episode here instead of a Michael one, it would have saved the first half of the season. We didn't like what this episode did with the movie industry and Ron Howard plot lines. We thought those plot lines were going to keep being boring and drag down the entire season. Thank God they turned out better than they started off.

Arrested Development Season 4, episode 3 recap/review in chronological order

Indian Takers- Focal character: Lindsay Bluth-Funke.

Unfortunately, we have to talk about Portia De Rossi's looks in this episode, mostly because the internet was abuzz with comments such as "she looks so different!" and "she hasn't aged well." First of all, you guys are blind and she is beautiful. 

Second of all, she DOES look different, but it's mostly because she's wearing a wig in this first episode. When she chops her hair in the show and wears her real hair, she looks more like herself again. Third, she has lost a ton of weight, which doesn't look good on middle-aged women, because it makes their faces thinner and more haggard. 

We hope the dramatic weight loss isn't due to returning unhealthy habits related to her eating disorder. There's a debate over whether Portia had a nose job. We hope she didn't and that it's just clever makeup capitalizing on an old joke. 

Arrested Development season 4, episode 2 recap/review in chronological order

Borderline Personalities- This episode focuses on George Sr. Meh.

We get to see a young Barry Zuckerkorn practicing law with his father, who is ashamed that Barry is even speaking. Young versions of George Sr. and Lucille hear Barry suggest that if something goes wrong, they could always take a getaway boat out of trouble. Hilariously, Barry didn't go to law school in this country. Nor, we find out later, did he actually pass the bar exam. He paid a lookalike to take it for him. Finally, the plot hole of how that man ever became a lawyer is filled.

Arrested Development Season 4, Episode 1 recap/review in chronological order

Flight of the Phoenix- Season four focuses on mainly one character per episodes. While a few other main characters are in this episode, it mostly focuses on Michael. 

It's 1984, where a young Lucille and George Sr. are played by a pitch perfect Kristen Wiig and a passable Seth Rogan. In a brief Grinch parody, Lucille decides to hold a holiday the day before Cinco De Mayo so that holiday supplies would be depleted and her Hispanic help would be around to clean her house. This plan backfired over the course of more than 30 years, because the Hispanic community profited financially off of it and even had a boat parade. Also, Lucille, cinco de cuatro would be April 5, haha. Nice little joke there.

Arrested Development Season Four is Great, It Just Takes Six Episodes to Get There

We’ve been watching Arrested Development season four all day. We started at around 1:30, took a dinner break at 5:30, and then powered through until the end. We aren’t the first to finish it, by far. There are people who started at midnight and went until dawn. Now thats hardcore. 

Watching Arrested Development

We're on episode 10 out of 15 right now, and we just wanted to let you know, we've made a huge mistake. Don't binge it. Watch one a day. We can tell it would be much better with a little time to process/more breaks.

Teen Wolf Summary / Synopsis / Recap of Season 1 and Season 2

Can't watch or re-watch 24 episodes before June 3rd? No problem. You can review and catch-up here. This might be hella long, but it's shorter than watching two seasons of Teen Wolf. You should probably at least watch the pilot, just so you know what some of these people look like.

Teen Wolf- Season 1-2 Review

Should you watch this show? If you like the teen fantasy genre, definitely. If you can make it through a slower first 12 episodes, yep. 

As for us, we caught up on this show just in time for season three, and man are we glad we did. The first season was merely watchable. It was a little predictable, and we didn’t love many of the characters, but it wasn’t a chore to watch. It was cute. There were a lot of filler episodes in the first season too.

The storyline didn’t start speeding along until the second year. The second season was great and a definite improvement on season one. There was more tension, we started to like more of the characters, and it went to more creative places. It went from “cute” to “reeeal fun.”

One thing we didn’t like about this show was the principal romance. We kind of wanted Allison with Jackson or Stiles or anyone else. Well, not Matt. The problem was that they got together too quickly. As a result, their relationship was based completely on sexual desire rather than anything we could emotionally get attached to. The primary romance on this show fails to get viewers swooning like it really could have.

Adding some buildup or a reason other than “we’re hot” for them to like each other would have been good. Sure, they have a solid history and a ton of trust in each other by the time the second season rolls around. That means this won’t be as much of a problem in the future. History brings people closer together. Still, the show missed an opportunity to really tap into the romance potential. The first season spent a lot of time on a vanilla romance that wasn’t all that romantic. 

Another thing we didn’t like was that Allison was a gymnast and this might factor into her growing into a more violent character. We like that the show seems to have dropped that and made her primarily more of an archer. Gymnastics does not equate to combat. Just looking cool and a natural athleticism. One of our sisters is a black belt gymnast and she would never flip in an actual fight. That’s how you die. 

As for the things we liked? Lydia turning out to be a genius who can make a molotov cocktail. Her character had a lot more depth than we’d expected, although her shallow persona is hilarious.

Speaking of hilarious: the lacrosse team coach. He’s an enjoyable side character. We also like Crystal Reed’s acting, especially when she’s reacting to personal tragedy. She’s so pretty too. Can you believe she’s 28 in real life? The girl playing Lydia is 26. Yeah guys, no one looks like that in high school. Most people’s looks improve after those years. 

Hands down, the best character on this series is Stiles. He’s like the Seth Cohen of Teen Wolf. Heck, if you close your eyes, he even sounds like Seth Cohen. Stiles is the comic relief, but he also brings a lot of heart to Teen Wolf. Our favorite relationship is the one between him and his father, especially in season two. 

A good thing about this show is that it knows to plan its stories in season-long arcs. That way, it never drags, it focuses on a short story, and it has a climax and resolution and the end of each season. If it’s ever cancelled, we won’t be left frustrated. After the powerhouse second season, we’re more than ready to watch the third.

Season 1 grade: B-

Season 2 grade: A-

Agenda

Only three episodes away from being done with Teen Wolf. Can’t wait for Arrested Development this Sunday! One of us is having a bunch of people over for an all-day marathon. It’s gonna be the tits.

Catching up on Teen Wolf

We ship Allison/Jackson.

Critics Choice Television Awards 2013- A Few of Our Picks

Best Comedy Series

The Big Bang Theory
Louie- Desired winner
The Middle
New Girl- Runner Up
Parks and Recreation
Veep

Best Actor in a Comedy Series
Don Cheadle (House of Lies)- Runner up
Louis C.K. (Louie)
Jake Johnson (New Girl)
Jim Parsons (The Big Bang Theory)
Adam Scott (Parks and Recreation)- Desired Winner
Jeremy Sisto (Suburgatory)

Best Actress in a Comedy Series
Laura Dern (Enlightened)
Zooey Deschanel (New Girl)
Lena Dunham (Girls)
Sutton Foster (Bunheads)- Runner up
Family Julia Louis-Dreyfus (Veep)
Amy Poehler (Parks and Recreation)- Desired Winner

Best Supporting Actor in a Comedy Series
Max Greenfield (New Girl)
Simon Helberg (The Big Bang Theory)
Alex Karpovsky (Girls)
Adam Pally (Happy Endings)- Runner Up
Chris Pratt (Parks and Recreation)
Danny Pudi (Community)- Desired Winner

Best Supporting Actress in a Comedy Series
Carly Chaikin (Suburgatory)
Kaley Cuoco (The Big Bang Theory)- Runner Up
Sarah Hyland (Modern Family)
Melissa Rauch (The Big Bang Theory)
Eden Sher (The Middle)
Casey Wilson (Happy Endings)- Desired Winner

Best Guest Performer in a Comedy Series
Melissa Leo (Louie)- Runner Up
David Lynch (Louie)
Bob Newhart (The Big Bang Theory)
Patton Oswalt (Parks and Recreation)
Molly Shannon (Enlightened)
Patrick Wilson (Girls)- Desired Winner

Best Drama Series
The Americans
Breaking Bad- Runner Up
Downton Abbey
Game of Thrones- Desired Winner
The Good Wife
Homeland

Best Actor in a Drama Series
Bryan Cranston (Breaking Bad)
Damian Lewis (Homeland)
Andrew Lincoln (The Walking Dead)
Timothy Olyphant (Justified)
Matthew Rhys (The Americans)- Runner Up
Kevin Spacey (House of Cards)- Desired Winner

Best Actress in a Drama Series
Claire Danes (Homeland)
Vera Farmiga (Bates Motel)- Desired Winner
Julianna Margulies (The Good Wife)
Tatiana Maslany (Orphan Black)
Elisabeth Moss (Mad Men)
Keri Russell (The Americans)- Runner Up

Best Supporting Actor in a Drama Series
Jonathan Banks (Breaking Bad)
Nikolaj Coster-Waldau (Game of Thrones)
Michael Cudlitz (Southland)- Runner Up
Noah Emmerich (The Americans)
Walton Goggins (Justified)- Desired Winner
Corey Stoll (House of Cards)

Best Supporting Actress in a Drama Series
Jennifer Carpenter (Dexter)- Desired Winner
Emilia Clarke (Game of Thrones)
Anna Gunn (Breaking Bad)
Regina King (Southland)
Monica Potter (Parenthood)- Runner Up
Abigail Spencer (Rectify)

Best Guest Performer in a Drama Series
Jim Beaver (Justified)
Jane Fonda (The Newsroom)
Martha Plimpton (The Good Wife)
Carrie Preston (The Good Wife)- Runner Up
Diana Rigg (Game of Thrones)- Desired Winner
Jimmy Smits (Sons of Anarchy)

Best Movie or Mini-Series
American Horror Story: Asylum- Desired Winner (because it’s the only one we watched, admittedly)
Behind the Candelabra
The Crimson Petal and the White
The Hour
Political Animals
Top of the Lake

So You've Never Seen Arrested Development?

Why you should watch it: Because it's a hilarious, brilliant comedy classic with 15 new episodes available on Netflix this Sunday. It's hard to get into the humor, but once you do, your sides are going to hurt. Some people find it difficult to follow the legal and business aspects of the plot, but we don't think you really need to follow those perfectly to enjoy the show and the humor anyway. Just stay with it. If subtitles don't annoy you, those might help you catch the jokes that zing by. The dialogue is genius, and the show has great guest stars, like Liza Minelli, Charlize Theron, Amy Poehler, Julia Louis-Dreyfus, Jane Lynch, Christine Taylor, Ben Stiller, and Zach Braff.

What are the best episodes and characters?

Game of Thrones: Season 3, Episode 8

Second Sons- Game of Thrones is the only show we care about right now (if you haven't noticed). While there were a lot of good shows on TV this year, not a lot of those shows were having good seasons. Even The Vampire Diaries lost its mojo. Once Upon a Time didn't make logical sense by the rules of its own universe and really dragged. The chuckles were fewer in Parks and Rec. But Game of Thrones is better than ever. This week, we had the most awkward (yet oddly hilarious) episode of all time. Poor Tyrion. We feel the worst for him. 

New shows we will definitely check out next season

• Hostages, CBS: Dylan McDermotte (American Horror Story) and Toni Collette (United States of Tara, The Sixth Sense) are the draw here. We don't know how long this can go on, but we like the idea of the possibility of a short story and quick resolution. Plus, this is the only CBS show that seems to want to bend gender stereotypes beyond what we usually see on that channel. Casting Toni Collette alone bodes well for the character.
• Believe, NBC: J.J. Abrams is the draw here. This show is about a little girl with certain powers and a man pulled from prison to protect her. It's one of the nerdiest and most unique TV premises of the new lot (that's not saying much).
• Crossbones, NBC: All we need to know is that this is about the pirate Blackbeard and it stars John Malkovich. That's trainwreck material, right? How could we look away? Watch it actually be good...
• Once Upon a Time in Wonderland, ABC: The trailer looks awesome. Once Upon a Time disappointed us this season and remains a little too cheesy and G-rated for its own good. Alice's story looks like it has the budget and the darkness to hold us though. Our only qualm is that she isn't blonde and that her dull-looking fiance didn't die in the trailer.
• The 100, CW: More sci-fi! It's not like that's the only TV genre we like...it's just that most of the promising shows next season look to be that kind of thing. The 100 is about juvenile delinquents sent back to Earth after a sort of apocalypse to see if the planet is ready for humans again. You can do so much with that.
• Us and Them, Fox: Alexis Bledel!!!! We love seeing her on TV. We've missed her so much. We will definitely give her new show a chance. Jason Ritter (Parenthood) is great too. We hear the British version of this show was worth watching too.
• Sleepy Hollow, Fox: Leeard is a sucker for horror.
• Killer Women, ABC: Weirdly intriguing.
• The Tomorrow People, The CW: Yeah, it's an X-Men rip-off, but it looks decent.
• Reign, The CW: We like period pieces and the actress who played Anne of Green Gables is in it (Megan Follows). Of course, a basic knowledge of history is going to ruin this one. It's Mary, Queen of Scots.
• Marvel's Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D, ABC: Because Joss Whedon is running it. He never disappoints. Prepare for great dialogue and even better characters, people!

New shows we might check out next season (still deciding)

• Mom, CBS: This is a Chuck Lorre sitcom, but we're considering it because of Alison Janney and Anna Faris, two great, funny actresses who are definitely up to carrying this kind of show. It looks better than Two Broke Girls, the only other CBS comedy we can remotely tolerate. We also like that the show is about women and probably won't have as many of the disgusting "boy's club" jokes for players that Two-and-a-Half-Men would have.
• The Crazy Ones, CBS: It's nice to see James Wolk again after the unjust cancelation of Lone Star. Also, this pilot has Kelly Clarkson! We might watch it for her alone. We don't hate Robin Williams either. We feel like we'll get sick of this show quick, but we might watch the first couple of episodes, if we have time.
• Intelligence, CBS: We like the idea of Josh Holloway back on TV even if this show is a total rip-off of Chuck. And it is. Meghan Ory is in this too though, and it looks fun and action-packed. We'll watch it to see if it has its own voice. If it's not boring, we'll probably stick with it.
• The Black List, NBC: We'll probably wait for word of mouth on this one. It looks completely unoriginal. It's like Se7en, Silence of the Lambs, The Following, Hannibal, and plenty of other cop shows where a bad guy helps one or a few cops.
• The Michael J Fox Show, NBC: Who doesn't love Michael J Fox? He's making light of himself and his condition on this show. The preview looked pretty charming and a little funny, which is good for a preview. It would be unAmerican to not give Marty McFly a few episodes, wouldn't it?
• Crisis, NBC: We want to see what got Gillian Anderson (X-Files) back on TV. The show itself doesn't look great. Nor does it look bad.
• Super Fun Night, ABC: We liked Rebel Wilson in Pitch Perfect.
• Resurrection, ABC: It looks weird. We like that.
• Surviving Jack, Fox: We'll watch a few for Christopher Meloni, but we're not gonna force it.
• Brooklyn Nine Nine, Fox: We like Andy Samberg's songs. Maybe his show will be funny too? Maybe not, but we'll want to see for ourselves.
• Almost Human, Fox: We're watching this for the JJ Abrams brand. He's brought us a few good things (and a few boring things). We're not enthused about the robot angle though. Robots are not people, and thus they are not characters and don't interest us much.
• Gang Related, Fox: Terry O'Quinn has earned a lot of cred with us, so we'll watch at least three if we're not doing anything else.
• Rake, Fox: We can't tell if this is good from the trailer, so the only way to know is to watch at least an episode ourselves. If it isn't good, we'll watch the Australian version, which we hear is great.

New Shows We're Going To Skip Next Year (Unless We Hear They Are Amazing)

• The Millers, CBS: Will Arnett should only be Gob. Or he should hire people to pick better shows for him.
• The Goldbergs, ABC: This is like a loud, unfunny, unnecessary version of The Wonder Years, which is on Instant Netflix if you want to watch it instead.
• Star-Crossed, The CW: Lame. We already have Roswell.
• We Are Men, CBS: Man-children who are looking to get laid? Snore. It's these kinds of shows that perpetuate dumb gender stereotypes and keep rehashing the same jokes over and over. You can't beat Workaholics. Let it lie.
• The Originals, CW: We don't know how this show will ever be a hit, because people who don't like The Vampire Diaries probably won't watch the spin off either. Also, people who DO like TVD already know how annoying and whiny The Originals are. Hopefully the show makes it so those characters never return to TVD again and that show can regain its glory. We're not watching it though.
• Dracula, NBC: Jonathan Rhys Meyers. Ugh. We had enough of his terrible acting in The Tudors.
• Ironside, NBC: Another cop drama. Ho hum. But now a cop is....IN A WHEELCHAIR. Groundbreaking (sarcasm). Wake us up when someone comes up with a premise that's worth picking up a remote for. You can never replace our beloved Southland.
• Sean Saves the World, NBC: This network is trying to become CBS, and we don't like it. That preview was grating.
• Welcome to the Family, NBC: Just not interested.
• About a Boy, NBC: The movie was enough. There are plenty of movies that would make better TV shows.
• Chicago PD, NBC: A spin-off of a show we already don't watch or like? No thanks.
• Enlisted, Fox: Somehow, after watching The Invisible War, a comedy about the military just doesn't seem like something we could get into. The military isn't inherently funny. It's flawed, dangerous, and something that we really respect people for going into anyway. We can't laugh at that subject. Army shenanigans just feel gross when you think about how 20% of servicewoman are raped, the military is so based on power structure, and people give their lives serving...it's just not appropriate. Unless we hear it's reeeeally funny.
• Mixology, ABC: A minute in and the preview had the line "the higher the heels, the looser she feels." That is NOT TRUE. Girls almost always want to wear heels. It's not a come hither thing most of the time. Girls take into consideration how far they will be walking, if they want to dance, if they will be standing a long time, what shoes go well with the outfit, how much they plan to drink, etc, when deciding to wear heels. Not everything is about whether a girl is trying to get a guy. It also talked about how a guy should feel happy for the chance to replace his ex with someone with a bigger butt. If that's the sort of material this comedy has to offer, we're out.
• Dads, Fox: We like you, Seth Green, but you need to NOT be in a show from the writers of "Ted." That movie was not funny.
• The Family Guide, NBC: Looks a little too cornball. Love JK Simmons though.
• Trophy Wife, ABC: This is the one we might be wrong on. So far, we're not interested, but if and when you watch the pilot, let us know if we should give it a shot. The title isn't exactly a draw. Decent cast though.
• Mind Games, ABC: Whatever its appeal to execs, we don't get it. We'll keep our ears open though.
• The Night Shift, NBC: Grey's Anatomy is enough medical drama for us. It's still pretty good.
• Undateable, NBC: God, save us from shows about a man showing other men how to get girls, as if there is some formula that will work on all (or even most) women. You're looking for a person. That likes you as a person. As you are. TV is lying to you. You don't have to have "game." Just be nice, confident, and talk to girls. That's it.
• Back in the Game, ABC: This reminds us of that Amy Adams/Clint Eastwood movie we hated. That wasn't exactly a blockbuster, so why does ABC think we'll like this kind of thing any better on TV?
• Betrayal, ABC: Revenge's lame second season put us off of soaps for a while. Plus, it will only run for a few episodes.
• Lucky 7, ABC: Some people win the lottery. And? Winning the lottery isn't an interesting premise unless WE win the lottery.